Posts Tagged King Diamond

King For A Day: My Adventures Roaming Around The City of Atlanta Dressed As King Diamond

Photo on 12-16-14 at 5.10 PM

I’ll admit it; I’m probably not the most normal person on the planet. Some would say there is no such thing as “not normal”. They have never encountered a 39-year-old man pretending to be King Diamond at a Quik Trip gas station trying to buy a chocolate chip muffin and a Pepsi.

For a very long time, I have wondered what it would be like to walk around a major American city in King Diamond paint for an entire day. I’m not sure what started the wheels turning on this one for me. I never particularly liked mimes or really anyone who wears large amounts of face paint.

I’m a moderate fan of The King. I’ve gone through phases where I listened to a lot of his music, but I’m certainly not like the guy who was standing next to me at the 1993 Halloween concert holding a wooden cross upside down and chanting in tongues for 20 minutes before The Man got up on stage.

Photo on 12-16-14 at 5.09 PM

The transformation process was a bit strange. It took about 45 minutes to get the makeup right. I sat there listening to “Don’t Break The Oath” staring off into space as I was painted. I once wore rouge for a 5th grade presentation of Annie in which I had a brief role as one of FDR’s advisors (Harold Ickes), but beyond that, I had never gone through the process of having makeup applied to my face.

It’s uncomfortable. I immediately felt empathy for clowns, particularly this one woman “Miss Teacup” who I once met while she waited for the tow truck to come pick up her broken down Toyota Tercel. She was standing there in 95 degree heat wearing about a half of a pound of makeup frantically trying to contact the family of the child whose birthday party she was supposed to be at. If I knew then what I know today, I would never have stolen her purse.

Photo on 12-16-14 at 5.12 PM

There were really only a few noteworthy encounters. One person started singing “Rock and Roll All Night” when they saw me. I was unamused. Being mistaken for Gene Simmons under any circumstances is offensive to me, but the metal purist in me wanted to throttle the person. Another person asked me if I had any Faygo. You can imagine the horror I felt. My co-workers were relatively amused, but it was laughed at and quickly forgotten as the business of life ground on.

There are these Pro-Life protestors that I regularly see on the drive home with signs that read things like “It’s A Baby, Not A Choice” and “I Survived The American Holocaust” camped in front of the local Planned Parenthood. I had an elaborate scheme planned in which I leaped out of my car and began screeching the lyrics to “Abigail”. Unfortunately, they were not there and my rather uneventful day as The King slogged on.

I kept casting glances out of my car window at people who I intended to frighten. No one seemed particularly impressed or even remotely affected. A minivan cut me off in traffic. I drove up right next to the car and gave the driver an angry look. He cast a brief eye in my direction then went back to text messaging someone about whatever urgent thought had just occurred to him.

I assumed that my stop to get gasoline would be the highlight of the day. Someone would have to find this at least a bit out of the ordinary. Again, disappointment. I stood behind my car pumping gas. People walked by. Some looked, some didn’t. No response.

I went inside to the cash register. The person whose named tag announced him to be “Tim” looked took my 20-dollar bill and gave me change. Nothing. Was this an ordinary occurrence at gas stations throughout the American South? Was this odd attempt to garner attention not particularly interesting or funny? Was I misreading the body language of the people around me? Were people simply so locked into the everyday drudgery of their lives that a 6 foot 2 man in heavy metal makeup could not even awaken them from their daily slumber? I wasn’t sure.

I slumped back into my car and drove home. My wife and children found the whole thing pretty funny, but considering I regularly run around the house with a pair of pants on my head or singing Soviet Era march anthems, it didn’t really strike anyone as being out of the ordinary. We took some pictures and went back to our usual routines.

Photo on 12-16-14 at 5.17 PM

Life seems to march on unmoved by the bizarre actions of myself or anyone else. When something truly out of the ordinary occurs they might ponder it. For a moment. Sometimes.

Life has an energy of it’s own. It flows in 7 billion directions all at once. Everyone in their own lanes. Everyone going somewhere. Doing something. Thinking. Breathing. Talking. Texting. Chewing. It all just goes on and on. Day after day. Night after night. There is no universal theory to explain it. It’s just one event after another. An endless parade of sights and sounds.

What is the importance of one man wearing King Diamond makeup in this sea of human impulse and action? Very little. Throughout the entire day, I felt this odd pressure to be noticed. As if it was critical that someone see me, see what I had done. To laugh. To be altered from their course.

At first, I was kind of bothered that no one really seemed to notice. After all, what was the point beyond seeing the shocked expression on a few faces? As time went on, I just wanted to get the makeup off. I was tired of showing off. Tired of playing a part. Exhausted by trying to be noticed.

Photo on 12-16-14 at 3.43 PM

At the end of the day, I felt a genuine sense of relief to take the makeup off. I’ve always felt it important to stand out as an individual. I’m narcissistic enough to have spent four years writing random thoughts and ideas on this website and hoping desperately that people will want to tune into my world enough to read it. I enjoy the thrill of being noticed.  Until yesterday, I had never realized how tiring searching for it can be.

The best part of the day for me was when I sat alone in the deadening quiet of my bedroom right before I fell asleep. No one was watching me. No one cared what I was doing or how I was doing it. Silence. For a fleeting moment, I felt the genuine peace of not being an individual, but simply being.

I sunk into life and disappeared. It was beautiful.

, , , , , , , , ,

7 Comments

Universal Studios To Break Ground On 1.3 Billion Dollar King Diamond “Them” Park Next Year

King-Diamond

In 2016, everyone’s favorite Metal Monarch is coming to the Motor City.

Universal Studios, The Ford Motor Company and The Church of Satan will spend 1.3 billion dollars to build the greatest American attraction since the creation of Disneyworld.   King Diamond’s “Them” Park is expected to bring millions of visitors from around the world all hoping for a mindless diversion from the crippling sense of sadness and terror experienced by people trapped on the dead-end thrill ride that has come to be known as “the human condition”.

The massive 490-acre amusement park will be located under downtown Detroit, Michigan. Among highlighted attractions slated to be built are eight extreme roller coasters, nine opera houses, a zoo featuring five of The King’s stock of minotaurs and a water park that will use over 666,000 gallons of tea for excited kids and parents to splash around in.

king-diamond

The park’s main focus is on the recreation of King’s stories brought to life in Broadway musical reviews. These will run 24 hours, 7 days a week in nine 5000 seat opera houses located throughout the lot.

Another major attraction will be a magnificent, centrally-located gothic carousel for children and parents to enjoy. A park cast member, playing the role of the infamous character O’Brian, will welcome families onto one of the steeds while they are whimsically whisked away to portray one of the heroic black horsemen. Then they will be encouraged to interact in the story by killing Baby Abigail.

According to former drummer Snowy Shaw, “I’ve always loved It’s A Small World, but now imagining the joy I will get by seeing my children pretend to destroy cursed artifacts, bury people alive or burn a witch at the stake brings tears to my eyes!”

“The muppet theatre is going to be fantastic!” says puppet mistress Missy La’Fey. “We’ve been working with the puppets, injecting them with harvested blood and sprinkling them with goofer dust to insure that the show’s television simulcasts will be unprecedented. It’s really what our children need now-a-days: a hellish, nightmare version of Sesame Street.”

The project is expected to employ over ten thousand out-of-work carnies and jump start the bankrupt city’s economy by creating the largest man-made themed tourist destination in the world.

King-Diamond

Detroit Mayor Mike Duggan believes “Detroit is back!  We will no longer be viewed as a post-apocalyptic trailer park wasteland, but rather a home to those who appreciate demented rituals like human sacrifice and overpriced family fun.  By 2020, we expect the city to finally be in The Black.”

“With studios acquiring multi-billion dollar franchises like Star Wars, Marvel and Harry Potter, it was a no-brainer that King Diamond would be the next in line,” says Ronald Meyer, CEO of Universal Studios. “It’s a positive message to kids about supernatural and paranormal phenomenon. We finally have a fun and exciting vehicle to expose children at an early age to the social and economic benefits of devil worship.”

Early promotional events will include “Nuns Have Fun Day” where nuns get in for half price and are allowed a day long bottomless cup of “Melissa Slurpies”.  Affordable family packages that, according to the park brochure “won’t cost an arm and a leg…just a soul”, will go on sale next month.

(article contributed by former Washington Post investigative reporter Myron Dinkle)

, , ,

18 Comments

An unInterview With King Diamond That Never Happened

Just Look At This Guy

Just Look At This Guy

(editors note: At no time during this unInterview did I unInterview King Diamond. As far as I’m aware, he has no idea this unInterview has taken place. Even if he did, I’m guessing that since he is in his early 90’s, his memory is starting to blur.  He would probably either not remember it had it taken place or thought he was talking to Abraham Lincoln)

I did not get a chance to talk to with King Diamond recently. We were not on his tour bus before the concert talking for an hour and a half while he was putting his makeup on. He did not have me come up on stage and sing the chorus of “Tea” with him. After the show, King Diamond and I did not go to a 24-hour Denny’s together and get Moons Over My Hammys. He did not call me later in the week to play racquetball.

Tyranny: Let’s get this straight, Kim. As far as I am aware, America is not a monarchy. Therefore, I will not be referring to you as King at any point during this unInterview. We are both grown men. I’m not going to play the make believe game with you where you pretend to be this dark ghoulish satanic overlord and I pretend to be your frightened minion.

I will be referring to you by your birth name, Kim, throughout the duration of this unInterview. That okay with you, your highness?

(place where King Diamond would have responded)

Tyranny: DO…YOU…NEED…ME…..TO…TALK……LOUDER!!!!

(place where King Diamond would have responded)

Tyranny: Kim, I wanted to ask you about the whole being short thing. I read somewhere you are a wee little fella. About 5’4 it said. I heard you used to model for trophies. And that you used to play handball against a curb. And that you can hang glide on a Dorito.

(place where King Diamond would have responded)

Tyranny: When you choose what musicians are going to play with you on a tour, is height a factor? Let’s say, for example, you were to have had the late Peter Steele play bass live with you. He was 6 foot 6. You would have looked like a little marionette next to him. Or like a tiny, painted Chihuahua.

(place where King Diamond would have responded)

Tyranny: Kim is a girl’s name, isn’t it? Were your parents trying to do some sort of Johnny Cash “A Boy Named Sue” thing to toughen you up?

(place where King Diamond would have responded)

Tyranny: What’s with your voice anyway? You sound like an angry Muppet.

(place where King Diamond would have responded)

Tyranny: You seem like a pretty bright guy. Do you ever look back on your life and think that you could have been a doctor or a lawyer instead of a grown man running around a stage in a Halloween costume?

(place where King Diamond would have responded)

Tyranny: In an earlier article I said some pretty insulting stuff about your age. I want to take a moment to apologize for that. As a gesture of goodwill, I want to offer you this tube of Fixodent and a coupon for the early bird special at the local Sizzler.

(place where King Diamond would have responded)

Tyranny: Back to the height thing for a minute. When your band mates are angry with you, do they put your skulls, candles and fingerless leather gloves on high shelves so you can’t reach them without getting a phonebook or a chair?

(place where King Diamond would have responded)

Tyranny: I heard you kicked your bassist Hal Patino off the tour because he threatened to leave you in the bathtub with the water running.

(place where King Diamond would have responded)

Tyranny: If Satan were real, don’t you think he’d be embarrassed by the silly way you are representing him?

(place where King Diamond would have responded)

Tyranny: Don’t cop an attitude with me. What are you going to do?  Put some voodoo spell on me? Bury a human head in a graveyard with a lima bean in its mouth in order to have locust descend on my home?  I’m about a foot taller than you. I’ll take your copy of the Necronomicon and force you to eat it page by page. I’ll smack the paint off your face, son.

Oh…c’mon! Where you goin’? What’s a matter with you?!?! I was only kidding!!!!!

, , , ,

4 Comments

Interview With A Mad Artist

Last week, I got a chance to catch up with one of my favorite artists, Michelle E. Fusco (aka Libertina Grimm).  She has a unique talent for creating enchanting visions of enigmatic musicians.  Her subjects in the past have included Alice Cooper, King Diamond, Jim Morrison and Dani Filth.  She manages to capture the magniloquent beauty of these artists in a way that is both memorable and uncanny.  Recently, she has turned her attention towards rendering the image of Michael Jackson in a respectful and deeply loving manner.

What was the moment you discovered you had artistic talent like for you?

I was about 11 or 12 & mostly I remember being happy to have made my father proud of something I did, because he was very hard to please.

Why do you choose to create art?

Once I discovered I could do it, it became my strongest mode of self-expression, and a very effective escape from troubles, stress and reality.

What artist or artists do you feel the deepest connection to?

I feel the deepest connection(s) to Mozart, Michelangelo, Rene Magritte, Michael Jackson, and Stephen King.

You have created art based on many well-known musicians over the years. What makes you settle on a certain subject to work on?

I am only truly inspired by performers that are “outside the box” and seem to have something speaking through them. Like they’re mad to create or something… I’ve explored music in search of these true artists, to whom creating their music is truly an extension of themselves and their lives. Once I find someone who seems to be REAL in that fashion, I feel I must portray them in some paintings, as if somehow to express my appreciation for their efforts in being real artists.

What about Michael Jackson, your current subject, do you most connect to?

My first thought on this one was ‘what DON’T I connect to?’ . I had a difficult childhood and this leaves one feeling like it was stolen away. I identify with Michael’s eternal child-like qualities and attempts to create his own dream world around himself, and stubbornly (needed to) live there, despite the ‘real’ world’s repeated attempts to tear it down. He had to live in his own reality because no one really understood him. I definitely connect to that. The feeling of isolation, creativity needing to be shared with the world, but yet no one truly understanding it.

Have you ever felt as if you created something that was perfect?

I have never created something perfect. I sometimes have thought I was working on a perfect drawing or painting, or at least one I would be satisfied with, but invariably, somewhere along the way, I end up feeling like I let myself down yet again, didn’t do as well as I had hoped to, & must set my sights on the next project, because apparently the next one is always the best one.

What is beauty?

To me it is some sort of otherworldly aura or essence that is shocking in it’s perfection, whether it’s Dani Filth as a flawless Gothic vampire, or Michael aspiring to the heavens, the wish to create something with a perfect effect is there and is beautiful. Like Michelangelo’s “David”. Perfection of form and grace, but also with a deeper meaning.

What environment are you most comfortable creating in?

I always work at the same old work-desk with a great stereo so I can hear my subjects. I always must create a music program to accompany each project, to create an appropriate ambience/atmosphere. I’ve been doing that since childhood and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t draw anything without the accompanying soundtrack.

If you could no longer create art, what would you do?

If things were as they are now and I could no longer create art, I would die. But if I could have any career as a replacement, like if I had a genie or something? Then I would be a dancer.

What about raising chickens appeals to you?

Chickens are great! They’re funny and sweet, and generally misunderstood. Probably my favorite thing about them is that if you raised them from babies, they’re your friends for life. I have full grown hens that still insist I’m their mother. They bond for life if treated right, which of course makes them excellent pets! I also like to rescue them from bad situations with people who don’t understand and give them proper shelter.  It can be very rewarding. One of my older hens, Ivy, was left without food when her owners moved and couldn’t take chickens to their new place. They just abandoned her. I found her wandering in the road. I took her home and now she’s one of the family.  Chickens need more people who understand that they are intelligent, compassionate creatures worthy of respect and love.

For a look at more of Michelle’s art, check out on her Facebook page or her website www.doors-of-perception.com.

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

2 Comments

Morgan Freeman Slated To Play King Diamond In New Film

Freeman Outside of a Mercyful Fate Concert In 2001

In what some critics are calling the role of a lifetime, Oscar winning actor Morgan Freeman has been selected to play King Diamond in the forthcoming biopic “King For a Day, King For A Lifetime”.  Paramount Pictures, looking to capitalize on his most recent American tour, expect to put the film out by October 2015.

The script was penned in less than two days by the reanimated corpse of Charles Dickens, who The King himself brought back from the dead in a Satanic ritual last week.  Executives at Paramount were so impressed with the script that they have agreed to spend 100 million on the project and release it in 3-D.

Freeman was far from the only actor who was interested in the role.  Actor and speed-addled lunatic James Woods campaigned hard for the role by dressing as King Diamond and robbing several banks in the Los Angeles metropolitan area.  Actor Sir Lawrence Olivier was originally offered the part, but was unable get a visa to leave Purgatory for the four months of filming that would be required to complete the picture.

Creating a script for The King’s life was a challenge considering he is 879 years old and has lived through most of recorded history.  Distilling that much time into a 2-hour film was a challenge, but Dickens was able to pull it off.  The film will focus on his music career, his survival during The Spanish Inquisition, and his extraordinary battle with Satan for control of Hell back in 1964 after an argument over the fate of singer Trini Lopez.

Freeman, a major King Diamond fan who has each of the King’s solo records mounted on the walls of his Fresno, California home, has always dreamed of playing King Diamond in a film.  He has seen The King 247 times in concert as a solo act and 423 times with Mercyful Fate.  He even managed to catch The King with Black Rose once at a small bar in England in the 1970s.

singer-king-diamond-metal-hands-morgan-freeman

In several interviews, Freeman has cited one of his proudest moments as the time he came out on stage at a show in Dallas back in 1998 and sang “Come To The Sabbath” with The King.

According to Freeman, his portrayal of the character of God in the 2003 film Bruce Almighty was based loosely on King Diamond.  “For me, The King has been the greatest source of inspiration I have ever known,” said a misty eyed Freeman in an interview with CNN last week, “With The King, all things are possible.”

, , , , , , , , , ,

14 Comments

Ending The Suffering In Style: Mets Promotions That Might Actually Get People To Citi Field in September

Sandy Alderson and I have been in a regular Friday night card game for the past three years.  It’s a pretty low stakes game, but things got a bit out of hand last week.  Sandy, or Santino as he likes to be called, went all in on a straight flush that never materialized.  Long story short, Santino owes me 20 large. I know for a fact that he owes some very dangerous guys some serious coin, including an ungodly amount to a guy out in Staten Island that they call Joey The Lamppost.  Anyway, I told Santino that if he lets me run the promotion side for the Mets for the last 6 games of the year, a god awfully unbearable home stand against two deeply disinterested teams, that I’d forgive what he owes me and talk to a few friends about allowing him to arrange a payment schedule that doesn’t involve forfeiting his kidneys.  Basically, I get to create whatever promotions I want.  I personally think this will be a good thing, because only a diehard baseball fans and flashers will be out for most of the games.  These promotions might just get a few folks out to say farewell to another season of mind-numbingly awful baseball.

Friday Night vs. The Phillies

(Night of The Old Timers)

Most baseball teams have an old timers day, so this is not a new idea.  However, few teams have actually ever had their old timers team play the actual game.  The Phillies will have already clinched the division and will be resting everyone who is even marginally relevant to the team’s success.  Why not have some fun?  What could be more enjoyable than watching 66-year-old Eddie Kranepool trying to leg out an infield grounder or 67-year-old Ron Swoboda trying to hit a Brad Lidge slider?  Imagine Cleon Jones trying to make a sliding catch and having to be revived by paramedics.  Could 74 year old Choo-Choo Coleman throw out fleet-footed Catcher Brian Schneider as he was stealing 3rd base?  Who knows?  Who cares?  They are 26 games out of first place for God sakes.

Saturday Afternoon vs. The Phillies

 (Come, Come To The Sabbath Saturday)

Anyone who has spent more than 5 seconds on this site has to have figured out that I am completely obsessed with metal artist King Diamond.  Imagine all the players dressed in King Diamond face paint reflecting the many eras of the King’s career.  David Wright wearing the King’s Conspiracy look.  Jose Reyes rocking The Puppet Master era top hat and backwards cross paint.  Free orange sherbet to the first 500 fans (so, basically everybody who will be there).  About two thirds of you just collectively said, “What on earth is this fool talking about?”  They will probably stop reading at this point, thus depriving themselves of a golden opportunity to hear about Ruben Tejada fighting a bear.

Sunday Afternoon vs. The Phillies

(Ruben Tejada Fights A Bear Day)

I have yet to find a use for Ruben Tejada.  People often tell me that he has a great deal of potential.  He looks to me like a back-up middle infielder who, if everything goes perfectly and he manages to join a Santeria sect capable of utilizing functional spells, could one day hit .290.  Why not have him fight a bear?  Who wouldn’t love to watch little Ruben battle one of nature’s most terrifying beasts?  Have the fight in the 5th inning and whoever wins gets to play second for the rest of the game.  Imagine watching a bear, barely finished digesting Ruben Tejada trying to turn a double play.  Some groups would call this cruelty to animals, but truthfully, unless there is a group that tries to prevent cruelty to moderately talented, light hitting second basemen, no one will complain too loudly.

Monday Night vs. The Reds

(Franz Kafka Night)

Imagine it…an entire baseball game dedicated to the demented mind of Franz Kafka. The game starts in the 4th inning.  In the first inning, which follows the 8th, second base is removed mid-inning leaving the players to contemplate how to get to third.  Pitchers refuse to pitch for hours cynically watching the batters prepare for a pitch that may never come.  On a 3-2 fastball down the middle, the umpire randomly yells out “SQUID!”  No one knows how to proceed.  Jason Bay randomly turns into a giant turtle while running to first base after hitting a single.  The game ends with both teams being swallowed by a choking fog that descends onto the field and the players disappearing into a vast and cruel nothingness.

Tuesday Night vs. The Reds

(Retiring Juan Samuel’s Jersey)

Do you remember the year that Juan Samuel led the Mets to the playoffs by hitting .400 down the stretch including a game winning homerun against the Cardinals to clinch the division?  Or the time he picked up his third consecutive MVP award and led the Mets to back-to-back World Series victories?  Of course you don’t.  The Juan Samuel trade was a Hindenburg like catastrophe that managed to rip the heart and soul out of a once great team and all but ruin my childhood.  Most teams retire player’s jersey because he performs at a high level.  Listen, we are Mets fans.  If there’s anything that epitomizes the franchise it is devastating trades that hamstring the organization for decades.  Why not celebrate what we do best?!?!

I have no idea what his jersey number was.  I don’t even think he remembers.  We certainly could retire his batting average with the Mets in 1989.  From this day forward, no one will be allowed to hit .228 again!

Wednesday Night vs. The Reds

(The Stoning of Mr. Met Night)

You know that Pepsi commercial they have now where all the great baseball players from different eras in a Field of Dreams type set up?  While most clubs are represented by some great player like Randy Johnson or Dennis Eckersley, the Mets are represented by a dude with a baseball on his head.  As if to say, the best thing that your storied franchise can produce is a silly mascot.  Personally, I find the whole bit insulting.  I have a deep hatred for mascots in general, but Mr. Met causes my heart to pump pure bile.  The only way to truly end this fiasco of a season properly is by having Mr. Met pelted to death with stones.  Thousands of them!  It’s the only rational solution.

Wound him to the point that no thinking person will ever put a giant baseball on his head in the Tri-State area again.  Make an example out of him!  Send a message to baseball that goofy mascots will not be tolerated.  Let’s remind America that we can again become the unruly demented mob that trashed Shea Stadium after clinching the division in 1986.  Turn Mr. Met into a human piñata, then we’ll start winning some championships.

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

2 Comments

I Am A King Diamond’s Disease Survivor

A Picture of Me Getting Ready To Go To My Daughter's Piano Recital

Have you ever found yourself singing the chorus from a King Diamond song at an inappropriate time like in church or at a funeral?  Do you ever wake up with your face covered with strange painted designs without knowing how they got there?  Do you ever find yourself having bizarre urges, like making furniture out of the leg bone of your neighbor?  If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be one of the nearly 2 million Americans who suffer from King Diamond’s disease.  You are not alone.

King Diamond’s Disease, known to doctors as Bendixitis, claims nearly a thousand new victims a week.  You may see many of these poor souls on the streets, covered in backwards crosses, wandering aimlessly while singing the falsetto chorus to Abigail.  They often struggle to maintain normal lives.  They are your doctors, your teachers, your lawyers and your children’s crossing guards.  I know their pain, because, you see, I am one of them.

My story isn’t different from most KDD survivors.  It started innocently enough.  I’d be in the car on my way to pick up the children from their Tae-Bo class and catch myself howling “Sleeeeeeeplesssss Niiiiiiiightssss” for no reason in particular.  I’d find myself thinking about the King more and more each day.  When I was eating dinner, I wondered what The King might be eating.  When picking out clothing at a shopping mall, my mind would drift to what The King might think about the sweater I was trying on.

Then, one day, I woke up for a critical job interview for the position of Chief Tagalog Translator at The United Nations.  As I was putting the finishing touches on my outfit, I looked in the mirror and staring back at me was a 6 foot 2 stranger in a suit and tie with his face painted just like King Diamond on the Conspiracy album.  I know that I hadn’t painted it myself!  The paint would not wash off no matter what I tried.  Imagine my pain and sadness, sitting in the most important job interview in my entire life, knowing that no employer in their right mind would hire a guy who showed up for a job interview dressed like a demented ghoul.  They laughed at me.  “Don’t call us, we’ll call you,” they sneered.  They simply didn’t understand.

The face paint has never come off.   It’s been three years now.  I’m still unemployed, although I had a brief part time job as a greeter at Wal-Mart until I was fired for supposedly causing the store to be attacked by evil spirits.  My children try their best to understand, but when the other kids make fun of them because their daddy is dressed up for Halloween everyday it hurts their feelings.  The community has shunned me.  I stopped going to church because they kept dousing me with holy water.  Everywhere I go I am an outcast.

There is no known cure for King Diamond’s Disease.  A diet low in orange sherbet can lessen many of the symptoms, but Bendixitis is a lifetime ailment that will never leave you once you have it.  I have found strength in my support group Survivors of An Unmercyful Fate.  We meet once a week and discuss how to live life one day at a time.  I have met a lot of great people in the Atlanta area who suffer like me including my sponsor Joann, a kindergarten teacher who has lived with King Diamond’s disease since she saw the King on The Spider’s Lullabye Tour back in 1995.  Her strength in going through her day trying to teach the alphabet to screaming, crying, terrified children is an inspiration to us all.

With research and time, a cure might be found.  Until that day comes, I will wear my face paint proudly knowing that my “disorder” allows me to have something in common with the greatest vocalist ever to walk the earth.  But still, I long for a day when I can walk down the street without old women cringing and middle aged men asking me to sing them a song about my grandmother.

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

9 Comments

%d bloggers like this: