Posts Tagged Judas Priest
According to a recent poll conducted by the Gallup Organization, 67 percent of Americans doubt the existence of heavy metal rock and roll band Judas Priest. Another 12 percent think that the band was once real, but were replaced in 1987 by Judas Priest-like robots. Another 37 percent think that the government created Judas Priest in order to distract Americans from Obamacare. While the number of believers has shrunken dramatically over the past decade, 58 percent of Americans still believe that Priest is real.
Where did this wave of Judas Priest denial come from? In a survey conducted on October 15th, 2001, 87 percent of Americans strongly believed in the actuality of Judas Priest, while 15 percent of Americans doubted their existence. Much of the credit for “unbackmasking the Judas Priest conspiracy” goes to a movement known simply as The Priesters.
Headed by Able Verruckt, a former Baptist minister once convicted of poisoning salad bars with botulism to weed out “vegetarian sinners”, The Priester movement gained the trust of the American people by pointing out the “obvious differences in Priest members over the past 4 decades.”
Verruckt, who lives in a secluded Y2K bunker in the mountains of Colorado, noticed inconsistencies in the sound and look of Judas Priest when Painkiller was released in 1990. “If you listen to Rocka Rolla then Painkiller it is obvious. Different actors are being used to play the part of Judas Priest. You don’t just go from sounding like Budgie to sounding like Overkill.”
“If you look at a picture of Judas Priest in the mid-1970s and today, they don’t even look alike. I have learned from several sources that Halford was, in the early days, played by CIA agent and Watergate co-conspirator E. Howard Hunt Over the years, there have been 5 different Halfords, 11 Glenn Tiptons, and 16 Ian Hills. The lamestream media doesn’t want you to know this, but it’s true.”
The question that many people have wondered is why Judas Priest was invented. “After Watergate, several high ranking government officials who were part of the Bilderburg Group realized that Americans had become to curious about the actions of their government.”
“So they created Judas Priest in order to occupy fans of heavier music with songs that carry secret messages. Remember that show trial where the lady said that Priest lyrics played backwards killed her son. That was a false flag operation to distract Americans from the coded messages that exist when you play the record FORWARDS.”
According to Verruckt, if you listen closely to any Judas Priest record closely enough you will hear subliminal messages like “trust FEMA” and “Oswald acted alone”. Metal isn’t the only genre where this brainwashing was used. Madonna, Michael Bolton, Dr. Dre, Huey Lewis and the News, and Zamfir, master of the pan flute, were all on the Bilberburg Group payroll.
Many Americans, frightened to the point of insanity by 9/11 and the election of America’s first Kenyan President, have been swayed by the Priesters argument and have begun burning copies of the band’s records. Mable Saugnapf, leader of an Iowa Priester Group known as Grizzly Moms Against Jugulation, was once a Priest fan. She even owned a copy of “Sad Wings of Destiny” back in her so-called “sin after sin days”.
“I used to think Judas Priest was real. When the crisis actor playing Rob Halford came out of the quote, unquote closet, I knew I was wrong. Forces within our government and France were trying to turn us all gay.”
“I realized that the government and the media have been lying to us so often, how can I trust anything they say? Vaccinations, fluoride in the water, chemtrails, HAARP, Dick Cheney planning 9/11, Judas Priest…all part of a bigger picture. When you put the pieces together, you start to see the truth. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that Judas Priest exists.”
In a move that has left many industry insiders scratching their heads, the remaining members of the band Judas Priest have left the band and joined a Judas Priest cover band called Nightcrawler. The band, whose members have agreed to step aside and instead handle Judas Priest’s touring responsibilities, have been a staple of the greater Villa Rica, Georgia metal scene for the past fifteen years. Rob Halford and the boys plan on taking over Nightcrawlers’ regular Sunday night gig at Joe Don’s House of Beer as well as occasionally traveling to Macon and Atlanta for gigs.
This began as another satire article, but I’m afraid it will not make it. Instead, I believe the philosophical dimensions of this story are far more interesting. Who are Judas Priest? A collection of specific musicians who play a certain number of songs they have written in the past. Maybe. Think of Priest like your body. If your body doesn’t have all of its limbs it is still your body. If Al Atkins or Rob Halford or KK Downing leave the band, they are still technically Judas Priest, as we have seen. While many fans would argue that the band changed greatly when Ripper Owens was the singer, you can’t really argue they weren’t Judas Priest. After all, they put out two albums under the name Judas Priest. You can go look on my mantle; they are filed under “J”.
Under what circumstances is Judas Priest not Judas Priest or, even more interestingly, under what circumstances would you no longer be you? Lets say all the members of Judas Priest left and another group of musicians came in and played the same songs, would that still be Priest? The band Yes has transitioned through new scores of new members at every instrument and they still are known as Yes (although their was some legal wrangling to determine whether that was true).
Similarly, if all of your limbs were removed, then all of your organs except for the brain, you’d still be you, right? In fact, no one would have a kidney removed and say “I’m no longer me anymore”. You might not even need stop at the brain. Take away the parts that control motor function and coordination and you are still you. Really, what you are is that small section of the brain that contains memories and the idea of who you are. You may argue that there is a soul, but until you show me one with a tag on it saying “Exhibit A”, I cannot enter it as evidence.
Back to our Judas Priest problem. If Judas Priest left, but became a Judas Priest cover band, I’d have a difficult time figuring out who the real Priest is, but I’d probably eventually settle on the idea that the band playing that the members of Judas Priest joined was the real Priest. After all, the audience might identify with the name Priest, but most people derive the identity of the band from their memories of what the band was and meant. The meaning is not solely attached to the name, but the collection of memories that follow the band and some of the identifying, tangible characteristics. However, if all the members left and started a mariachi band, that would not be Judas Priest. They need to be playing the same songs, doing the same stage show, etc. in order to still qualify as the real Priest. Some form of the identity must be the same.
Here’s where it gets tricky. If Judas Priest’s members didn’t leave the band and kept the name, but chose to all of a sudden play mariachi songs and change their stage show, they would still be Priest, just not if they left and did the same thing. Just like if you changed careers or got remarried or became a professional baseball player, you’d still be considered you. So, the name Judas Priest does have value in terms of an identity marker for fans, but it is not the only characteristic that makes up identity and, as we will see, it is not always necessary.
If your brain were pulled out and put into another body, let’s say Lemmy’s body, I believe the person who had Lemmy’s body would be you. Therefore, while people would call you Lemmy, you would still be you, just in Lemmy’s body. As noted philosopher Shelley Kagan once said when presented with a similar problem “follow the brain”. However, here’s where identity gets messy, most people would find it difficult to believe you if you were walking around in Lemmy’s body claiming to be you unless they knew about this brain transplant. They’d believe you were Lemmy, even if you knew things Lemmy couldn’t possibly know about you.
It is safe to claim that what you perceive to be you is far different than what others perceive to be you. Your internal identity does not match the identity the world has for you. Let’s say that for years, all the members of the band were gone and replaced with lookalikes. Unless you had some knowledge of this, you’d assume you were watching Judas Priest when you saw them in concert. In our example, however, the audience was made aware of the shift, so the identity of the band would stay with Halford and the guys. Had they not been and had the cover band from Villa Rica been convincing lookalikes, people would have been none the wiser.
The point is, we think we know what a band is, based on our memories and recollections, but really we only know our created image of the band. The difference between the internal perceptions of the band and the external ideas are miles apart. Our image of the band has some similarities to the views of others and a few similarities to how the band views itself, but for the most part there is no common relationship except for a few markers here and there.
This is also the great problem of personal identity. How are we meant to function in a world where we see ourselves as one thing, but the world sees us as something else? Sure, there are some meeting points, but overall we have no clue how they see us. We are left to play a perpetual guessing game where we will never find the answer.
Who are Judas Priest? I’m not really sure. I know I have my version, you have yours and they have theirs. The places where we meet are certainly Judas Priest, but the places where we don’t are also Judas Priest. We know enough to know and agree that the band that left Judas Priest in our story is Judas Priest, but we lack enough evidence to understand what Judas Priest is in its totality.
We filter Judas Priest through our own minds and have an image completely exclusive to us. Judas Priest is our Judas Priest, a Judas Priest of the mind. We are forever stuck trying to reconcile that image with the image of those around us and failing miserably at the task. Such is the lot of humans when searching for truth. Stuck looking at one tiny, infinitesimal section of the map while trying desperately to figure out where everything is.