Poll: 67 Percent of Americans Believe Judas Priest Does Not Exist

Judas Priest in the 1970s

Judas Priest in the 1970s

According to a recent poll conducted by the Gallup Organization, 67 percent of Americans doubt the existence of heavy metal rock and roll band Judas Priest. Another 12 percent think that the band was once real, but were replaced in 1987 by Judas Priest-like robots. Another 37 percent think that the government created Judas Priest in order to distract Americans from Obamacare. While the number of believers has shrunken dramatically over the past decade, 58 percent of Americans still believe that Priest is real.

Where did this wave of Judas Priest denial come from? In a survey conducted on October 15th, 2001, 87 percent of Americans strongly believed in the actuality of Judas Priest, while 15 percent of Americans doubted their existence. Much of the credit for “unbackmasking the Judas Priest conspiracy” goes to a movement known simply as The Priesters.

Headed by Able Verruckt, a former Baptist minister once convicted of poisoning salad bars with botulism to weed out “vegetarian sinners”, The Priester movement gained the trust of the American people by pointing out the “obvious differences in Priest members over the past 4 decades.”

Verruckt, who lives in a secluded Y2K bunker in the mountains of Colorado, noticed inconsistencies in the sound and look of Judas Priest when Painkiller was released in 1990. “If you listen to Rocka Rolla then Painkiller it is obvious. Different actors are being used to play the part of Judas Priest. You don’t just go from sounding like Budgie to sounding like Overkill.”

Judas Priest Today

Judas Priest Today

“If you look at a picture of Judas Priest in the mid-1970s and today, they don’t even look alike. I have learned from several sources that Halford was, in the early days, played by CIA agent and Watergate co-conspirator E. Howard Hunt  Over the years, there have been 5 different Halfords, 11 Glenn Tiptons, and 16 Ian Hills. The lamestream media doesn’t want you to know this, but it’s true.”

The question that many people have wondered is why Judas Priest was invented. “After Watergate, several high ranking government officials who were part of the Bilderburg Group realized that Americans had become to curious about the actions of their government.”

“So they created Judas Priest in order to occupy fans of heavier music with songs that carry secret messages. Remember that show trial where the lady said that Priest lyrics played backwards killed her son. That was a false flag operation to distract Americans from the coded messages that exist when you play the record FORWARDS.”

According to Verruckt, if you listen closely to any Judas Priest record closely enough you will hear subliminal messages like “trust FEMA” and “Oswald acted alone”. Metal isn’t the only genre where this brainwashing was used. Madonna, Michael Bolton, Dr. Dre, Huey Lewis and the News, and Zamfir, master of the pan flute, were all on the Bilberburg Group payroll.

This Seemed To Fit

This Seemed To Fit

Many Americans, frightened to the point of insanity by 9/11 and the election of America’s first Kenyan President, have been swayed by the Priesters argument and have begun burning copies of the band’s records. Mable Saugnapf, leader of an Iowa Priester Group known as Grizzly Moms Against Jugulation, was once a Priest fan. She even owned a copy of “Sad Wings of Destiny” back in her so-called “sin after sin days”.

“I used to think Judas Priest was real. When the crisis actor playing Rob Halford came out of the quote, unquote closet, I knew I was wrong. Forces within our government and France were trying to turn us all gay.”

“I realized that the government and the media have been lying to us so often, how can I trust anything they say? Vaccinations, fluoride in the water, chemtrails, HAARP, Dick Cheney planning 9/11, Judas Priest…all part of a bigger picture. When you put the pieces together, you start to see the truth. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that Judas Priest exists.”

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  1. #1 by noisynoodle on June 3, 2014 - 8:30 AM

    I’ve never seen Judas Priest in the flesh, thus the conspiracy must be true. I’m looking under my cup of tea for more clues.

    • #2 by Keith Spillett on June 3, 2014 - 8:44 AM

      You’ve probably never seen them together at the same time either. Thus, the illusion continues….

  2. #3 by Fried Chicken And Metal on June 3, 2014 - 8:36 AM

    Judas Priest is very real. Look at the universe around you… how could any of this exist without the guiding hand of Judas Priest???

    • #4 by Keith Spillett on June 3, 2014 - 8:45 AM

      If Judas Priest is real, how do you explain Hangar 18?

      • #5 by Fried Chicken And Metal on June 3, 2014 - 9:02 AM

        Bad coffee.

      • #6 by Michael on June 3, 2014 - 12:11 PM

        Hello that was Megadeth!

      • #7 by Michael Albert Equals on June 3, 2014 - 12:13 PM

        Um I afraid to break this to you, but Hangar 18 was a Megadeth song!

      • #8 by Keith Spillett on June 3, 2014 - 12:19 PM

        That’s Megadeath. At least spell the band’s name correctly.

  3. #9 by David on June 3, 2014 - 4:54 PM

    All I know is that when I attended the Church of Adolescent Fury (CAFfeine was our sacrament), denying JP was sacrilege and were subject to daily noogies.

  4. #10 by Antonya Anarchy on June 4, 2014 - 8:03 AM

    I’m sorry to say that Sir, but you’re pretty too brainwashed. A huge part of the world is brainwashed, but some people are so brainwashed that they go over the limit. You are the one who has to spell MegaDETH correctly. It’s true that we cannot trust everything that’s been said to us, I really can’t deny it as I don’t trust a lot of things as well, but this is too much. Maybe you should do a research on project Monarch and see for yourself that the brainwashers are mostly pop icons, and you’re probably seriously brainwashed. Don’t force the others into your beliefs, even though they are probably as brainwashed as you, with all my respect. Also, be sure to know which band made the song 😉

    • #11 by Keith Spillett on June 4, 2014 - 10:56 AM

      Ha! This may be one of my favorite responses ever.

      • #12 by Antonya Anarchy on June 5, 2014 - 6:47 AM

        No offense, of course. After all everyone is allowed to believe what they want. I’m just stating my opinion like you stated yours.

      • #13 by Keith Spillett on June 5, 2014 - 6:58 AM

        Brilliantly done! I love when someone puts as much thought into the reply as I put into the piece.

  5. #14 by Top 5000 Metal Albums on July 29, 2014 - 10:14 AM

    Furthermore… Judas Priest believe that 67% of Americans do not exist. So it balances itself out…

  6. #16 by Hat on September 28, 2014 - 11:44 AM

    I don’s believe USA exists. It’s only fake enemy for russians made by KGB. I’ve seen USA only in TV. And TV always lies.

  7. #17 by Stunt on December 14, 2016 - 5:33 AM

    Bender Rodriguez from Futurama here. I know J.P. will be first ballot Robot Hall of Fame. Corinthian Leather in 73 chrysler vehicles is where the conspiracy became Hellbent. Which thankfully lead to the electric eye at mcdonalds drive thru. Its just dissedant aggrressor syndrome multiplied by sex over drugs times rock n roll to the power cord. I thought everyone already knew this stuff, wtheck.

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