Posts Tagged President
Obama Proposes Form Without Content; Buffalos Without Wings; Utter Hopelessness
Posted by Keith Spillett in Existential Rambings on February 24, 2012
(Washington)-In stunning pessimism, America forward never back truth without honesty is the medium of true messiness. Socialist polarized mobs running outward not outwitting death. Free to choose everything except what matters, no matter what the rules are. Debt beyond parents life as rebellious war against nothingness consuming reduced to pattern. Things explained are things forgotten against the backdrop of inhaled ignorance. “Wandering, wondering as their lives slowly slip through their greedy little fingers,” accordion to White House Repeater of Cliches Jay Carney.
They are as much a part of this disaster as we are. Stand up for the privilage of not sitting down. Anxiety as a rational response to unconscionable conditions. As it repeats over and over and we confuse action for motion and motion for freedom. And freedom for immortality. And immortality for meaning. And meaning for action. In a recent Gallup poll nearly two-thirds of buffalos have no wings and nearly one hundred percent of Americans are doomed to the terms of mortality. No matter what they’d like you to believe. Accordion to So and So Jones, person on the street and representative of the Zeitgeist, “I don’t even know what’s real anymore as I look into a world where I am bombarded with the constant flow of answers to questions that I wouldn’t have even bothered to ask. Drowning in a river of useless actions. Amused to death by the 24 hour 7 day a week carnival of unmeaning. Sweat my only solace.”
Now, here’s the paragraph about possible solutions and potential mystery. So and So who wants you to like him or her and maybe even vote that way proposes solutions that either serve the purpose of taking our eyes off the existential ball or promising something they hope we forget about in twenty minutes (which we probably will because crisis is a great substitution for crisis). So and So complains about something hoping to give us hope, or comfort, or something new to hate, or something to talk about with the other doomed fools that we are chained to, or something to buy, or something to bury. We all rally around because a recent Gallup Poll has stated, in no uncertain terms, that 51 percent of us share the same delusion.
You should write a letter to your Congressman. Because they will listen. Because they care. Because you have a solution no one else has thought of. Because democracy guarantees us the right to go on and on about absolutely nothing and replace one empty vessel with another every four years. Write that letter. Seriously. Do it. That will make everything all better. That’ll solve the issue of the sheer absurdity of the world. That’ll take the sting out of that nagging death problem that everyone seems to be conveniently not mentioning. That’ll make lions into lambs and lambs into citizens. And citizens into vampires. The world is probably in the shape that it’s in because you haven’t written that letter yet. When you do, all of your troubles will go away. You’ll see. Write the letter. Save us all.
In conclusion, eventually everything you do, every action you take will be forgotten. Everyone around you will be gone. Take comfort in the fact that you are nothing, or at least, that’s how you’ll be remembered. Besides, in a recent Fox News poll a full 105 percent of people surveyed think it’s someone else’s fault. “The solution is complete ignorance,” accordion to President Barack Obama, “that or an endless cycle of misery and fear, depression and alienation. Or government spending. Or complaining about government spending. Or endless blame. Or endless blamelessness. It’s up to you. After all, isn’t this what democracy is all about?”
Dispatches From The Republican Convention September 14th, 2040
Posted by Keith Spillett in The Politics Of Catastrophe on July 19, 2011
Nixon Thrills 130,000 People In San Francisco
The Republican Party seems poised to return to power after their thrilling convention concluded in San Francisco, California last night. The keynote convention address, given by Republican Presidential Candidate LeVance Nixon, brought the house to a twenty minute standing ovation. Nixon pledged that the Republican Party is committed to “freedom now, freedom tomorrow and freedom forever” in a speech that some commentators are calling the best in the party’s history. Several polls taken within minutes of Nixon’s speech showed that Nixon picked up 8 to 12 points against his opponent, Democratic Incumbent Juan Jose Herrera and now leads in 31 of the 44 states.
Nixon’s campaign theme of entirely eliminating nearly every function of government has gained steam in the past few months. His major idea of privatizing the entire United States military and offering it to other countries as a mercenary defense force has captured the imagination of many. Nixon claimed last month that the US could have the money to re-aquire the state of Oregon and allow the Social Security Age to dip below 95 for the first time since 2030 if the program is instituted. Other Nixon programs, including the elimination of public schools by 2050, a program dismissing taxation for Americans making over 250,000 dollars a year and the immediate closing of the Food and Drug Administration, have also gained popularity since Nixon announced his intention to run for the Presidency last year.
A year ago, many of his ideas seemed far-fetched, but even the most radical ones have gained an audience. Nixon’s revolutionary re-working of the welfare system, once thought to be too radical, is a hit even now with some Democrats. His program, originally decried by many for its cruelty, would force people receiving federal benefits for more than two years to exchange a kidney for continuing benefits. “The poor have senselessly and selfishly hoarded their kidneys without regard to the harm they have caused. You can sell a functional kidney for $25,000. It’s time the poor do their part to make America great again! Even the lazy can contribute to our once great nation!” Nixon told the screaming crowd of conventioneers.
The Problem of the Moths has plagued much of the Presidency of Juan Jose Herrera. Nixon looked to capitalize on this issue through a proposal to give a ten year long tax holiday to any corporation that captures more than 100 giant man eating moths per year. According to Nixon the program will “encourage the growth of the real generators of the Great American Job Engine…corporations. It will also help to stop moths from consuming the flesh of innocent, hard-working Americans.”
The energy around the Nixon campaign is a testament to the youthful, revitalized nature of the Republican Party. Many of the parties core supporters are 18 to 34 years old. They are attracted by the Parties strong anti-government message. It was a Republican Congress and President, as most remember, that legalized all drugs in 2025 and gay marriage in 2026. Since those fateful decision, the Party has attracted a slew of gung-ho, young supporters. Hundreds of young Nixon supporters, calling themselves the Nixon Youth, staged a spontaneous rally outside of the Harvey Milk Arena after his speech. “Nixon’s for freedom and freedom is for America. Government sucks! It’s that simple!” shouted Emilia Antonia, a Nixon supporter who had travelled all the way from the ruins of Boston to be a part of the special evening.
Playing Telephone On Our Dime
Posted by Keith Spillett in The Politics Of Catastrophe on June 25, 2011
We, at The Tyranny of Tradition, are proud to present today’s guest writer, Jonathan Winthrop. Winthrop is a conservative columnist, syndicated talk radio host, and all-around great American. He is the President and Co-founder of Americans Against Taxation and Other Forms of Persecution. He is the author of several New York Times best-sellers including “Jesus Didn’t Pay Taxes, Why Should You?” and “How The Obama Administration, The IRS, The Teamsters, Al-Queda, The Communist Party, Women Who Won’t Return Your Phone Calls and The Obama Administration Are Conspiring To Steal Your Money And Force You Into Re-education Camps…and How To Fight Back”.
This week, the corruption in Washington reached a new low. Many of you missed the now famous “Obama Lets Kid Use Limo Phone” (aka LimoPhoneGate) clip that’s been all over the news but, in case you have managed to find away to ignore the ever-present 24-hour-a-day liberal media machine, here it is….
The Kenyan-In-Chief is at it again, showing wanton disregard for a nation in financial crisis because of the failed liberal experiments that have been eating away at the greatness of America for the last 2,000 years. This time, he’s spending our money to let some kid make a phone call from his, you guessed it, limousine. I know what your thinking, how much could one phone call actually cost? That’s what THEY want you to think.
The whole letting kids use the President’s phone thing is a slippery slope. Maybe one phone call only costs 25-cents, but imagine for a second that the President allowed 100 kids a day use his phone? Imagine if he allowed thousands!?!?! What if some of those kids happened to be undocumented, illegal aliens? The cost would be crippling to this great nation. What if he didn’t let them just leave messages, what if the kids started using the phone to make personal calls to their friends or even started “text-messaging”? After all, he believes in change and equal rights for all and other radical ideas from the old Saul Alinsky/Red Diaper Baby Playbook. Why shouldn’t all American kids get to use his phone, not just a privileged elite? Once the genie of Liberalism is out of Pandora’s Box, it’s not so easy to get it back in.
This sorry episode of Limousine Telephone Liberalism illustrates a deeper, more troubling problem. Sources in Washington have told me that those kids are, in fact, not taxpayers. As a matter of fact, most American children get over on this great nation without paying taxes. Millions of these little parasites skate by carefree without the burdens of responsibility that are heaped unfairly upon the Good People. Sure, they’ll use our valuable resources and consume water and air that is provided to them free-of-charge by good taxpaying American suckers but when it comes time to pay the bill, they disappear into their tree houses and Holly Hobbie fake kitchens. If they don’t have to pay taxes, why should good, hardworking folks like me have to?
Doesn’t the President have better things to do then spend 30 seconds of OUR time indulging the sick fantasies of these tax cheats? In those wasted 30 seconds, he could have created thousands of new jobs. Instead, he chose to play telephone with some “children”. Those jobs aren’t coming back, Mr. President. Not today, not tomorrow, not next week, not next year, not next century, not next epoch. These are the times that try men’s souls! We DEMAND answers, Barack Hussein Obama!
Trump Accuses Obama of Being First Overkill Drummer
Posted by Keith Spillett in General Weirdness on April 30, 2011
Mr. Skates Goes To Washington?
In a continuing assault on the life and career of President Barack Obama, 2016 Presidential candidate Donald Trump accused Obama of being the drummer for the metal band Overkill on the albums “Feel The Fire” and “Taking Over“.
In an interview with syndicated conservative talk radio host Jonathan Winthrop, Trump said “If you look in the liner notes at the first two albums they have someone named Rat Skates listed as the drummer. That can’t possibly be a real name. I believe that Barack Obama was playing drums on both of those records.”
This is another in a series of accusations made by Republicans that Obama is, in fact, a “secret metalhead”. The accusations started two months ago when Glenn Beck revealed that Obama was in a thrash band in Chicago while he was working as a community organizer in the mid-1980s. Beck claimed that Obama’s band “mostly did Coroner and Slayer covers, but a few originals.”
Other reports have claimed that the band, known as Barry O’Death and the October Revolution (BODOR), recorded a demo but nearly all of the copies have been destroyed. Various media outlets have contacted three supposed members of the group but no one has agreed to go on record about having played in the band.
Trump claimed last month that one of his investigators had gotten their hands on a copy and he had heard the demo. According to Trump the sound was “very raw but pretty unoriginal. They seemed to be trying to copy Exodus ‘Bonded By Blood’ on most of the tracks.”
According to Trump, the demo had ten songs on it with titles ranging from “Destroyer of Worlds” to “When Death Rides A Horse” to “Free Healthcare for Everyone”. Obama has never directly addressed the metal rumors but in his biography Dreams from My Father he does discuss being “really impressed with the first Manowar album, particularly the epic feel of the song Battle Hymn”.
Rat Skates on Tour With Overkill in 1981
Trump supported his latest accusation by claiming that the drumming on “Feel The Fire” was extremely similar to the playing on the BODOR demo. “I have heard a lot of drummers over the years and this person who is supposedly known as Rat Skates plays just like Obama. There is no way you could hear the song Blood and Iron and think it was anyone but the future President playing. The styles are too much alike.”
Trump has encouraged Obama to come out and be forthright with the American people about his metal past. “It’s not right that the President is keeping the American people in the dark about an issue as important as his taste in music. If the President listens to thrash, death or even proto-doom, it’s important that the people know so they can make informed decisions.”
In Defense of Stupidity
Posted by Keith Spillett in Blithering Sports Fan Prattle, Totally Useless Information on December 11, 2010
Luke Scott Casually Discussing John Doe Number 2 and the role of the Lizardpeople in creating the Federal Reserve (borrowed from http://i393.photobucket.com/albums/pp13/cammielc)
A popular expression that tends to get used when people make asinine comments to a member of the media is “What were you thinking?” It is a common retort used to illustrate when someone has said something so utterly without merit that the reporter doesn’t feel the urge to mount a counter reply. Recently, Luke Scott, a muscle-headed, mouth-breathing Baltimore Oriole baseball player, who clearly cut many a history class in order to spend an additional hour in his school’s Chik Fil-A sponsored batting cage, made some monumentally dumb off the cuff remark about Barack Obama not being an American citizen. This sort of remark has faded a bit from its mid-2009 health care hysteria peak, but you still hear the occasional Manchurian candidate nonsense rearing its jingoistic head. I don’t expect Luke Scott to say anything worth listening to. What passes for discourse between athletes and reporters is the general ever flowing stream of “I’m going to go out there and do the best I can and, God willing, my teammates and I will get a win” type truisms that are taught to these folks in six hour cram session classes run by slime bucket agents who are looking to make their commodities more marketable to the slab of the American public that loves to hear the same thing over and over again.
I really could care less what Luke Scott has to say. What annoyed me was the glib, dismissive way that Yahoo writer Steve Henson rejected his remark in his recent free agency winners and losers column. Obviously Steve, we know what he was thinking. He was very clear about that in his statement. He was thinking that Obama was born in another country and, therefore, is an “illegitimate” President. The question seems to not be geared to mock what he was thinking, but his inability to know that when a reporter is around it is your job as an athlete to spout nothing but inoffensive, meaningless, Hallmark card style platitudes. Henson was really asking, “How could he not know that saying this would make him look ignorant? Doesn’t he know that it is his station in life to carry on this endless tradition of banal player interviews that we so love and revere? Why didn’t he just say something like “Obama will be fine if he gives this whole being born in the United States thing 110 percent”?
One of the unnamed right of passage exams that an athlete goes through on the way to householdnamedom is the “Can you say absolutely nothing of substance every time you are within 50 feet of a microphone” test. This is why listening to most athletes being interviewed is a highly painful endeavor. It’s as if the interviewer and the player a conspiring to cover up any human characteristics the athlete could possibly have. Occasionally, we are treated to colorful dimwits like Charles Barkley or Curt Schilling who say embarrassing “what the average guy is thinking” sorts of things, but mostly it’s just more of the “It was my childhood dream” sort of garbage. The Barkley/Schilling type stuff is awful for other reasons, but at least when I listen to it I know that their is a human being in there instead of a piece of equipment that runs a 4.3 40.
There is an upside to athletes feeling they have the ability to express themselves with some degree of freedom. For one, I now know that Luke Scott, once only known to me as the guy I might pick instead of Edwin Encarnacion in the 14th round of my AL keeper league draft, is a raving lunatic. Luke Scott has gone from 27 homeruns and 72 RBIs to a real human with definable features. I can like him or dislike him based on his ideas. Maybe there are a few Bill “Spaceman” Lee, Dock Ellis or Jim Bouton types who really have something unique to say. There is a real loss sports fans experience when athletes do not speak their minds. It is the loss of the chance to meet these players as human beings with real ideas and emotions. The ideas they have may be shameful, obnoxious, or ill informed but they remind us that we are living in a world of humans who feel, think and dream just like we do.
The Invisible Man Strikes Again: A Review of Bob Woodward’s Book Obama’s Wars
Posted by Keith Spillett in The Politics Of Catastrophe on November 26, 2010
"There is no fighting in the war room!!!"
If Bob Woodward were a superhero, his special power would be invisibility. No modern writer better understands how to get out of the way of a good story and let the events unfold like Woodward. His new book, Obama’s Wars, is an attempt to inform the reader about what it was like to be part of the decision making process for a President during wartime. He has a genuine love for detailing the way that decisions get made and it shines through in all of his work. Woodward disappears into the fabric of the story leaving us in the fascinating position seeing the story unfold before our eyes.
Obama’s Wars is a story about process. The book details Barack Obama’s system of decision making during the ongoing Afghan War. Obama is surrounded by human beings with differing agendas, egos and belief systems, all of which have an impact on the course of the war. Obama himself is presented in a very human way. The reader is given a first hand account of a person making critical decisions that may well affect the fate of the nation. If you didn’t like him before you read the book you don’t like him after, if you liked him before you read it you probably still do. It’s not a book about judgment; it is a book about explanation. You get to be a fly on the wall for a major event in history.
Obama’s Wars is not a political book in the modern sense. The writing is devoid of any clear political, social or economic agenda. The audience is never clear on how Woodward feels about the war. Woodward’s commitment seems to be only to the art of journalism. He wants to get the story as correct as possible based on the insights and beliefs of the people who were there. Woodward has access to all the major players and gives them room to tell their story. They confess their mistakes, laud their own triumphs, admit their petty dislikes and acknowledge their most base desires in a shockingly candid way. At the end of the book, the reader is left with the distinct impression that they are being governed by real, imperfect people who struggle to make planet altering decisions in a way that best serves their picture of reality.
The Tyranny of Tradition 