Carrying signs saying “God Hates Self-Righteous Fanatics” and “At Least Satan Has Good Taste In Music”, members of the heavy metal rock band Slayer today camped outside the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas waiting to protest the funeral of WBC leader Fred Phelps. An outspoken critic of people of other races, homosexuality, heavy metal and pasteurized milk, Phelps passed away earlier today after suffering a severe heart attack when informed that Ellen DeGeneres has a popular television talk show. He was 84.
Animosity between Slayer and Westboro has been mounting since Phelps threatened to picket the funeral of Slayer guitarist Jeff Hanneman last year. Phelps, who fronted a Carnivore cover band known as “Jesus Hitler” back in the early 90’s, felt that beyond being a group of unwashed heathens, Slayer simply weren’t very good anymore. “They have profaned the name of Christ! That is obvious. But worse, they really haven’t recorded anything worth listening to since Divine Intervention!” said Phelps in a fiery sermon 3 months ago.
Phelps’ death has sent shockwaves through the Bigot community. Several Bigots across America have planned candlelight vigils to mourn the death of the man that some have called “The Godfather of Modern Bigotry”. His passing has also saddened many closeted Bigots who are now unable able to shake their heads at Phelps’ antics while masking their own hatred in the form of polished and coded political expressions.
Bigots across the world have lost a hero to their cause. “He was our Harvey Milk,” said teary-eyed Westboro member Harvey Atwater as he heard the news. “Our President is from Kenya, it’s legal for a donkey to marry a man in most states, and Satan himself is running half of the major television networks as well as the Internet. America is going to Hell in a handbasket and our greatest leader has fallen. This is a dark day for this great nation.”