“Exfoliations and Exorcisms” Spa Will Clean Your Skin and Soul For $99.99

Phil Anselmo After His Relaxing Exorcism (photo by Matthew Germain)

Phil Anselmo After His Relaxing Exorcism (photo by Matthew Germain)

(Soothing light jazz plays under the deep, soothing announcer’s voice)

 

Everybody has been there before. You have a huge party coming up later in the evening; you have oily skin, nothing to wear and the spirit of the demon Pazuzu inhabiting your body.  Lucky for you, Exfoliations and Exorcisms can get you ready for that big night on the town.

Stop by any of our locations in order to get your treatment today.  Our trained staff of herbocologists, pharmacological nail technicians, botanists, zoologists, epidericololgical skin replicators, colonic refabricators and preachers will get looking like a million bucks without having to pay sell your soul. Just sit back, relax and be cleansed of all of the ultra-violet rays and satanic entities that have been weighing you down.

Step into an oasis of calm in a fallen world. We offer several fast, affordable treatments including holy water facials, avocado dead skin mask acne eradication, laser stigmata removal, horn maintenance, tail elimination, hoof waxing and head rotations.

Next time your afternoon is turning into a living hell, stop by Exfoliations and Exorcisms. We have 18 area locations where you can be washed in the cool, soothing waters of eternal damnation.   Call us at 1-800-CALMAWAITS to schedule your consultation and pick up your free pint of yak’s blood.

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  1. #1 by victoriagrimalkin on March 26, 2014 - 4:19 PM

    What an utterly brilliant idea. This would sell very well in demon infested California. Wonder if it’s a franchise.

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