Posts Tagged Rob Halford
BlaK Dan Returneth To Speak To The Priests of Judas
Posted by Keith Spillett in Articles I Probably Shouldn't Have Bothered Writing, BlaK Dan's Theatre of Cruelty on May 25, 2026
I have returned to you, my people, with a message.
I slumbered in my basement in darkness with Bolt Thrower “In Battle There is No Law” on repeat. I had reached the outer limit of human experience, but was awakened by some eight-year-old kids doing Tic Toc dances on my front lawn. I shot at them several times before they returned fire and ran into the woods. But, regardless of the reason…I was awakened and now I returneth to you. The Bettleheim of the Blastbeat. The Borgia of Borknagar. The Scapula of the Soul of Sadistic Solipsisic Slayerism. For I am Blak Dan, and I can’t fall back asleep.
At first, I pondered my wasting words on you. Having to think them, a burden. Having to speak them, a chore. Having to write them, a punishment. But, I have stared into the abyss long enough now and have realized that the replies I thought I was getting were mere echoes. Which was disappointing. I thought I had found my soulmate. Instead, I peered into the sheer vacuity of my soul, mate.
I come not to speak on politics for you have already done that. Your opinions like maple syrup running into your collective hashbrowns. All opinions have been had and repeated. Scattered. Covered. Smothered. Chunked. Diced. And forgotten. Your blood sport no longer calculated in rational numbers on a scoreboard, now broken into electoral statements of condemnation of righteous hatred for thine neighbor.
I come not to speak of economics. For I know not of the math you now practice. I thought crypto a venerial disease and do not care if the Fed cuts rates. If it feels good, do it, I say. Inequality has always seemed fine with me. For I wade in a cesspool of inequality anytime I leave the house and suffer the presence of others.
For I am Post-Everything. In my slumber, I transitioned into a state of Meta-Post-Everythingness. You won’t understand what that means for another century, but trust me when I say, I seeeth. Deepethly. You are playing chess, whilst I am playing ten dimensional strip Parchesi with beautiful coed lizardwomen. You speak of numbers, yet can you even hear the One when I speak?
I come not to speak of wars or rumors of wars. Or rumors of Fleetwood Mac albums. For what price a man’s soul if he hasn’t truly understood the teachings contained in Tusk. Iran? Iran so far away, indeed.
I come to philosophize on a subject of consequence. Many of you use your words in the vain hope of persuasiveness. I need not persuade because I speak only in immutable truths and don’t bother with useless words like “Ouch, you’re stepping on my fingers” or “just take the battery out of the smoke detector and it’s no longer a problem”. I have only the truth at my disposal. Post-truth really. Post-meta-proto-truth. The type of truth only known to those who have gained enlightenment and then stumbled back into this mad charnelhouse of a planet looking for a good fibula to gnaw on can understand.
For whilst you concern yourselves with issues of politics, issues of power, issues of survival and other such banalities, I come to speak the words unspoken. Until I speak them. Which I’m going to do at some point. For as man seeith nations burn and fortunes spin like weeble-wobbles on the scorching hot pavement of time, I see only what needs seeing.
I speak these words to a specific audience. I have allowed many of you along for the ride, because the members and former members of Judas Priest have obtained restaining orders from your so-called “courts” and thusly, speaking directly with them is no longer possible for me.
For you, Judas Priest, you have sinned against nature. You have doneth the unthinkable. And you lie. Your snake-like tongues spit truthless venom in our ears. You pretend there never was a Jugulator. You gaslight the human species with your acquired, refined insolence. Your singer, that guy who was in that really good band called Fight, claims to never have even heard of what I speak. Yet, you hold Jugulator hostage in an Iranian Embassy of the mind. And you take from us, your adherents, the one moment of true perfection you ever achieved. For it is YOU Judas Priest, that deny us access to the song Cathedral Spires! J’accuse toi!
I have exerted and strained as I searched the so-called “internet”. Humbled myself before its streaming services. Scrolled and scrolled seeking even a mention of it. Allowed my mind to be devoured by millions of offers of essential oils that are no longer essential to me. Nary a word about it. Nary a suggestion. Nither a live recording with Mr. Halford singing. Nither a 25th anniversary remaster with studio outtakes of Mr. Downing screaming lines from Dante over an early abandoned riff to “Bullet Train”.
Only Ripper hath spoken truth. For it is he who remembers. He who has acknowledged the song’s legacy and deadly aftermath. He who speaks of rising up only to retire. He who still tires while watching the world expire.
He who shouteth the words “Cathedral Spires”.
And yet, he is forgotten to the pages of history. Written out like that cute kid Oliver on the Brady Bunch. Replaced by Mark Wahlberg in the movie and left to rot in the wretched refuse of former members of other bands. We speak not of Ripper or his sacrifice. Or of his glorious burden. We go on pretending Jugulator never was.
The absence you feel in your lives that you confuse with the death of meaning is merely the absence of this song. It is as if the entirety of the human experience led to one ultimate, defining moment. And that moment moulders in the cutout bin of human pathos somewhere between some 311 ripoff band and the only remaining copy of the Garth Brooks’ Chris Gaines CD left on the planet. And you mock it with your ignorance. We say “Jugu-later” when we really mean “Jug-u-never”.
So, I say to you, Priest of Judas, do not betray us with your lies! Do not place a crown of thorns upon this head of metal! Do not crucify us on this Cross of Brutish Steel! Bring forth a new recording of Cathedral Spires with Mr. Halford’s mighty voice intoning the words. Free Cathedral Spires from beyond the realms of death!
Uplift us, ye Priests. Uplift us, to where we can look down from those spires you promised and see all that we have wrought and all needs wroughting. Uplift us, to the downtuned soaring heights from which you left us dangling. For I am Blak Dan, and I command you! Bring forth the Spires, so I can renew my slumber and be free of this world!
Were Major Media Outlets Including Huffington Post Fooled By Halford/Lady Gaga Prank?
Posted by Keith Spillett in General Weirdness, Uncategorized on June 30, 2014
An Alleged Photograph Of Rob Halford From The Interview With The Huffington Post
A Tyranny of Tradition prank might have claimed yet another series of new victims. Back on April 28th 2014, this website ran an article claiming that the new Judas Priest album, scheduled to come later this year, was a hoax. The album, of course, came out in July. Tyranny simply meant to write satire to confuse and amuse the metal loving masses.
However, this time, things might have gotten out of control.
In a recent interview with The Huffington Post Canada, Rob Halford discussed a possible duet with pop star Lady Gaga. While Halford’s love of Lady Gaga has been known for over four years, there is an eerie similarity between the Tyranny article and the Huffington Post interview conducted days earlier.
In the final paragraph of the Huffington Post article, Halford is quoted as saying, “I’ve been a huge fan of Gaga since she first burst on the scene. I just love everything that lady represents. First and foremost, her voice is extraordinary. I love her voice. She’s an accomplished musician, she plays piano really well, she’s just a great songwriter. And she’s a beacon of hope for a lot of people in the world.”
In the final paragraph of the Tyranny of Tradition article back in April, Halford is falsely quoted as saying “I’ve been her since she first burst on the scene. I just love everything that lady stands for. First and foremost, her voice is extraordinary. She’s an accomplished musician. She plays piano, oboe, zither and tambourine really well. She’s just a great songwriter. And she’s a beacon of hope for a lot of people in the world.”
The interview with Halford has been picked up by many major media sites including The CNN of Heavy Metal Blabbermouth.com. Tyranny of Tradition writer Keith Spillett has not been able to be reached for comment.
Poll: 67 Percent of Americans Believe Judas Priest Does Not Exist
Posted by Keith Spillett in General Weirdness on June 3, 2014
Judas Priest in the 1970s
According to a recent poll conducted by the Gallup Organization, 67 percent of Americans doubt the existence of heavy metal rock and roll band Judas Priest. Another 12 percent think that the band was once real, but were replaced in 1987 by Judas Priest-like robots. Another 37 percent think that the government created Judas Priest in order to distract Americans from Obamacare. While the number of believers has shrunken dramatically over the past decade, 58 percent of Americans still believe that Priest is real.
Where did this wave of Judas Priest denial come from? In a survey conducted on October 15th, 2001, 87 percent of Americans strongly believed in the actuality of Judas Priest, while 15 percent of Americans doubted their existence. Much of the credit for “unbackmasking the Judas Priest conspiracy” goes to a movement known simply as The Priesters.
Headed by Able Verruckt, a former Baptist minister once convicted of poisoning salad bars with botulism to weed out “vegetarian sinners”, The Priester movement gained the trust of the American people by pointing out the “obvious differences in Priest members over the past 4 decades.”
Verruckt, who lives in a secluded Y2K bunker in the mountains of Colorado, noticed inconsistencies in the sound and look of Judas Priest when Painkiller was released in 1990. “If you listen to Rocka Rolla then Painkiller it is obvious. Different actors are being used to play the part of Judas Priest. You don’t just go from sounding like Budgie to sounding like Overkill.”
Judas Priest Today
“If you look at a picture of Judas Priest in the mid-1970s and today, they don’t even look alike. I have learned from several sources that Halford was, in the early days, played by CIA agent and Watergate co-conspirator E. Howard Hunt Over the years, there have been 5 different Halfords, 11 Glenn Tiptons, and 16 Ian Hills. The lamestream media doesn’t want you to know this, but it’s true.”
The question that many people have wondered is why Judas Priest was invented. “After Watergate, several high ranking government officials who were part of the Bilderburg Group realized that Americans had become to curious about the actions of their government.”
“So they created Judas Priest in order to occupy fans of heavier music with songs that carry secret messages. Remember that show trial where the lady said that Priest lyrics played backwards killed her son. That was a false flag operation to distract Americans from the coded messages that exist when you play the record FORWARDS.”
According to Verruckt, if you listen closely to any Judas Priest record closely enough you will hear subliminal messages like “trust FEMA” and “Oswald acted alone”. Metal isn’t the only genre where this brainwashing was used. Madonna, Michael Bolton, Dr. Dre, Huey Lewis and the News, and Zamfir, master of the pan flute, were all on the Bilberburg Group payroll.
This Seemed To Fit
Many Americans, frightened to the point of insanity by 9/11 and the election of America’s first Kenyan President, have been swayed by the Priesters argument and have begun burning copies of the band’s records. Mable Saugnapf, leader of an Iowa Priester Group known as Grizzly Moms Against Jugulation, was once a Priest fan. She even owned a copy of “Sad Wings of Destiny” back in her so-called “sin after sin days”.
“I used to think Judas Priest was real. When the crisis actor playing Rob Halford came out of the quote, unquote closet, I knew I was wrong. Forces within our government and France were trying to turn us all gay.”
“I realized that the government and the media have been lying to us so often, how can I trust anything they say? Vaccinations, fluoride in the water, chemtrails, HAARP, Dick Cheney planning 9/11, Judas Priest…all part of a bigger picture. When you put the pieces together, you start to see the truth. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that Judas Priest exists.”
Judas Priest To Join A Judas Priest Cover Band Or…A Judas Priest Of The Mind
Posted by Keith Spillett in Existential Rambings on April 2, 2012
In a move that has left many industry insiders scratching their heads, the remaining members of the band Judas Priest have left the band and joined a Judas Priest cover band called Nightcrawler. The band, whose members have agreed to step aside and instead handle Judas Priest’s touring responsibilities, have been a staple of the greater Villa Rica, Georgia metal scene for the past fifteen years. Rob Halford and the boys plan on taking over Nightcrawlers’ regular Sunday night gig at Joe Don’s House of Beer as well as occasionally traveling to Macon and Atlanta for gigs.
This began as another satire article, but I’m afraid it will not make it. Instead, I believe the philosophical dimensions of this story are far more interesting. Who are Judas Priest? A collection of specific musicians who play a certain number of songs they have written in the past. Maybe. Think of Priest like your body. If your body doesn’t have all of its limbs it is still your body. If Al Atkins or Rob Halford or KK Downing leave the band, they are still technically Judas Priest, as we have seen. While many fans would argue that the band changed greatly when Ripper Owens was the singer, you can’t really argue they weren’t Judas Priest. After all, they put out two albums under the name Judas Priest. You can go look on my mantle; they are filed under “J”.
Under what circumstances is Judas Priest not Judas Priest or, even more interestingly, under what circumstances would you no longer be you? Lets say all the members of Judas Priest left and another group of musicians came in and played the same songs, would that still be Priest? The band Yes has transitioned through new scores of new members at every instrument and they still are known as Yes (although their was some legal wrangling to determine whether that was true).
Similarly, if all of your limbs were removed, then all of your organs except for the brain, you’d still be you, right? In fact, no one would have a kidney removed and say “I’m no longer me anymore”. You might not even need stop at the brain. Take away the parts that control motor function and coordination and you are still you. Really, what you are is that small section of the brain that contains memories and the idea of who you are. You may argue that there is a soul, but until you show me one with a tag on it saying “Exhibit A”, I cannot enter it as evidence.
Back to our Judas Priest problem. If Judas Priest left, but became a Judas Priest cover band, I’d have a difficult time figuring out who the real Priest is, but I’d probably eventually settle on the idea that the band playing that the members of Judas Priest joined was the real Priest. After all, the audience might identify with the name Priest, but most people derive the identity of the band from their memories of what the band was and meant. The meaning is not solely attached to the name, but the collection of memories that follow the band and some of the identifying, tangible characteristics. However, if all the members left and started a mariachi band, that would not be Judas Priest. They need to be playing the same songs, doing the same stage show, etc. in order to still qualify as the real Priest. Some form of the identity must be the same.
Here’s where it gets tricky. If Judas Priest’s members didn’t leave the band and kept the name, but chose to all of a sudden play mariachi songs and change their stage show, they would still be Priest, just not if they left and did the same thing. Just like if you changed careers or got remarried or became a professional baseball player, you’d still be considered you. So, the name Judas Priest does have value in terms of an identity marker for fans, but it is not the only characteristic that makes up identity and, as we will see, it is not always necessary.
If your brain were pulled out and put into another body, let’s say Lemmy’s body, I believe the person who had Lemmy’s body would be you. Therefore, while people would call you Lemmy, you would still be you, just in Lemmy’s body. As noted philosopher Shelley Kagan once said when presented with a similar problem “follow the brain”. However, here’s where identity gets messy, most people would find it difficult to believe you if you were walking around in Lemmy’s body claiming to be you unless they knew about this brain transplant. They’d believe you were Lemmy, even if you knew things Lemmy couldn’t possibly know about you.
It is safe to claim that what you perceive to be you is far different than what others perceive to be you. Your internal identity does not match the identity the world has for you. Let’s say that for years, all the members of the band were gone and replaced with lookalikes. Unless you had some knowledge of this, you’d assume you were watching Judas Priest when you saw them in concert. In our example, however, the audience was made aware of the shift, so the identity of the band would stay with Halford and the guys. Had they not been and had the cover band from Villa Rica been convincing lookalikes, people would have been none the wiser.
The point is, we think we know what a band is, based on our memories and recollections, but really we only know our created image of the band. The difference between the internal perceptions of the band and the external ideas are miles apart. Our image of the band has some similarities to the views of others and a few similarities to how the band views itself, but for the most part there is no common relationship except for a few markers here and there.
This is also the great problem of personal identity. How are we meant to function in a world where we see ourselves as one thing, but the world sees us as something else? Sure, there are some meeting points, but overall we have no clue how they see us. We are left to play a perpetual guessing game where we will never find the answer.
Who are Judas Priest? I’m not really sure. I know I have my version, you have yours and they have theirs. The places where we meet are certainly Judas Priest, but the places where we don’t are also Judas Priest. We know enough to know and agree that the band that left Judas Priest in our story is Judas Priest, but we lack enough evidence to understand what Judas Priest is in its totality.
We filter Judas Priest through our own minds and have an image completely exclusive to us. Judas Priest is our Judas Priest, a Judas Priest of the mind. We are forever stuck trying to reconcile that image with the image of those around us and failing miserably at the task. Such is the lot of humans when searching for truth. Stuck looking at one tiny, infinitesimal section of the map while trying desperately to figure out where everything is.
The Tyranny of Tradition 