Posts Tagged Amon

Deicide’s Glen Benton Saves Baby From Burning Building; Throws It Back

Deicide vocalist Glen Benton has gained a reputation over the years of being mean-spirited and callous.  There was the time shot a squirrel with a pellet gun during an interview, or the time where he interrupted Christmas service at a local Tampa church by jokingly crucifying a senior citizen, or the time he sold chemical weapons to former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein.  However, as we all know, even in the darkest and cruelest of human hearts, there is a bright light that shines.  No better example of this exists than what took place in Clearwater, Florida on Wednesday night.

Benton was walking home from his weekly Bible study and burning at a local Denny’s when he noticed a fire had broken out in a single family home.   Benton witnessed a man and a woman out on the curb screaming about a small baby trapped in the burning hulk of a building.

Without a moments thought, Benton rushed into the house, climbed two flights of smoke filled stairs and burst through the door of the infants room.  The stairs had become impassible so Benton tucked the baby into his jacket and leaped out the window grabbing a tree with his free arm.  There he hung in agony for seven minutes waiting for the fire trucks to arrive.

At this point, a small crowd of neighbors had gathered round.  As the firemen helped Benton down from the tree they began to applaud his amazing feat of bravery.  When he reached the ground and ran to the street, the group surrounded Benton and began thank him as tears of joy streamed down their faces.

In all the excitement and commotion, he threw the baby as far as he could.  It landed with a horrible thud in the smoldering wreck of a house.  The crowd was so stunned by Benton’s selfless actions, they ignored the burning child and lifted them onto their shoulders, carrying him up and down the street while singing the chorus from “Dead By Dawn”.

Glen-Benton

This isn’t the first time Benton has done something truly beautiful in service of his fellow human.  Back in 1998, Glen donated his earlobes and nose to a seven-year-old child who needed them to survive.  In 2003, he began a shelter for injured llamas and three-legged-pigs, which he runs out of the basement of his house to this day.  He spends his weekends helping to nurse sick baby woodchucks back to health at the local Tampa Zoo.

Glen’s work with one particular charity is particularly impressive. He donated most of the profits of the Deicide album “The Stench of Redemption” to Brands For Babies, a non-profit organization that helps small children get inverted crosses burned into their foreheads.  Benton is the national spokesman for the organization and has helped over 50,000 infants get the mark of Satan on their heads since 2006.

Of course, he will be remembered for creating some of the most punishing and horrifying music ever to be recorded, but there is a softer, more loving side to Glen Benton that few people see.  If you look past his menacing Manson-like countenance, his frightening behavior and his cold, dead eyes, you’re likely to see a man with a heart of gold.

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King Diamond Rocks Million Metalhead March, Announces Presidential Run

Yesterday, over 1.8 million Metalheads marched on Washington D.C. demanding equal rights, less corruption in government and Hipster Reform.  The rally, one of the largest in the nation’s history, culminated on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial with speeches by metal luminaries the likes of Steve Harris, Joey Demaio and Thomas Gabriel Warrior.   However, the big moment took place at 4 PM when metal legend King Diamond repelled down the Washington Monument and strode onto the stage to give his keynote address.

Speculation has grown over the last few weeks about a possible King Diamond run for President in 2012.  The crowd eagerly awaited his announcement.  Metalheads traveled from as far away as New Zealand to see the speech.  Jimmy “Buzzsaw” Samhain, a King Diamond fan since his older brother loaned him Abagail when he was 8, travelled by bus from Flagstaff, Arizona to see the speech.  “He’s going to save us.  I wouldn’t have travelled 3 days through a terrible blizzard to see him if I didn’t know for sure that HE IS THE ONE!!!!”

The Crowd HAILS The King as He Begins His Speech

The crowd didn’t have to wait long to find out The King’s plans.  Early in the speech, he thrilled the crowd by making his intentions clear. “In 2012, the spirit of evil will overtake Washington and I will lead this nation back to greatness. I will be your next President!!!!!”

Many questions have arisen about the problems King Diamond’s campaign might face.  Steven Witchkiller, of the organization Black Metal Fans For Truth, openly asked the question in an editorial written for the Washington Post on Wednesday whether someone born in Denmark could be President of the United States.  Witchkiller is clearly unaware of the provision in the 17th Amendment to the Constitution that allows Danes and Swedes to run for President.  It was passed during Woodrow Wilson’s administration to thank Denmark and Sweden for their unyielding support during World War I.  Diamond would actually be the second Danish born President, following in the footsteps of Gerald Ford.  However, many legal scholars have argued that since most Americans struggle to know the difference between Amendments and Commandments, the 17th might not actually apply.

Other members of the press have wondered what The King believes about many of the major issues facing Americans.  Up until yesterday, many Americans didn’t even know what party he would run with.  In a press release issued last night after the March, The King stated he would run as a Republican, in spite of his dislike of nearly every stance that Party has taken in the past 30 years.  It is felt that his best chances lay in running Republican due to the general weakness, mindless incompetence and borderline insanity of most of the candidates currently in the field.

None of these issues seemed to matter as The King addressed 1.8 million screaming metal maniacs.  After breathing fire for two consecutive minutes at the beginning of his speech, The King launched into a passage that will be taught in classrooms 200 years from now.  In order to fully capture its spirit, we will reprint this section in its entirety.

 “See…..I have dreams, too.  Dreams of doctors putting giant spiders on their patients, dreams of grandmother’s evil gnarled hands reaching out from beyond the grave, dreams of ghastly horsemen chasing me through the night.  I dream the dreams of pure mortal terror.  I dream of a Washington over taken by headless ghouls and heartless corpses.  I dream of an America so consumed by rage and horror that people cannot even leave their homes without fear of being attacked by hounds sent by the Dark Lord himself.  I dream of a day where little metalhead boys and girls can wildly assault and maim hipster children without the fear of going to jail.  I dream of a giant rock concert with all Americans, except hipsters, swaying back and forth, listening to “”Amon” Belongs To “Them””.   We will let the bells of evil and malice ring from the hills of Georgia to the mountains of Colorado.  We will let the bells of darkness and torment ring from sea to shining sea.  And when these bells ring Americans will know it’s time to join hands and sing (falsetto) “Toooooonight The Circle Is Broken Forever!!!!!!!”

The March was not without its problems.  Three metalheads were arrested by police for giving a “corpse paint makeover” to the statue of Lincoln behind the stage.  Hipster protestors and metalheads clashed in front of the Capitol for five minutes when one of the protestors played a Band of Horses song from his radio.  In spite of these isolated incidents, the day was a rousing success and may well be the beginning of a political campaign that will reshape the nation for generations to come.

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