Posts Tagged Soulfly
Trump: “We Must Build A Wall To Keep Mexican Metal Bands Like Sepultura Out of This Country!”
Posted by Keith Spillett in General Weirdness on August 26, 2015
Last night in Tupelo, Mississippi, the bizarre Presidential campaign of Donald Trump took yet another strange turn. During a 3-minute press conference Trump lashed out at several of his Republican rivals, Hillary Clinton, the Boy Scouts, the Boston Red Sox bullpen, comedian Sinbad, people who read poetry, women, dentists, those who are allergic to gluten and the entire country of Ecuador.
His most vitriolic rant, however, came in the waning moments of the event, when he called for the United States to build a wall to “keep Mexican metal out of this country”. He singled out the “Mexi-metal terror rape band Sepultura” as the greatest threat to the safety of Americans since Y2K.
“I remember when I heard Roots back in 1996. It sounds like there are about 30 of them in a room mixing metal with Mexican drums and guitar. What a mess! The American taxpayer should not be forced to pay for the health care that these people will end up needing from playing on all of those dirty instruments. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want the daughters and nieces of good, upstanding Americans infected with Mexican venereal diseases and tetanus!”
Mexi-Metal…Gateway Drug To Satan Rape?
Trump became even more heated when a reporter pointed out that Sepultura were not from Mexico, but from Brazil. “I’m sick and tired of Mexicans, no matter what country they come from. Particularly when they start trying to screw up heavy metal.”
“Mexican bands like Brujeria, Soulfly, Gorod, and Sodom are killing metal right now and you people sit there like there isn’t a crisis. I don’t care if it bankrupts the United States, we need to build a wall and keep these animals out. Then, America will be great again.”
Moments after his anti-Sepultura rant a Gallup Poll showed that 69 percent of Republican voters would elect The Donald President if the election were today. That’s up 15 percentage points from when he issued his last racial slur.
Sepultura Singing Baby Becomes Internet Sensation
Posted by Keith Spillett in General Weirdness on August 12, 2013
A clip from last Wednesday’s episode of Brazil’s top prime time television program “Brazilian Idol”, known to the people as Placa De Ferver Infestados Rins, has become an Internet phenomenon thanks to the amazing performance of Aldo Infante.
Aldo is an 8-month-old whose voice sounds remarkably like Max Cavalera, the former singer of Sepultura and Soulfly. The child sent the capacity crowd into hysterics by performing a spot-on cover of the Sepultura classic “Slaves of Pain” and then going into a stirring rendition of “Troops of Doom”.
This was a great moment for a nation that has experienced terrible turmoil for almost 30 years. Ever since U.S. President Ronald Reagan sent swarms of bee people to the nation in 1986 in order to root our members of the Brazilian Communist Party (Os Desviantes) and ended up accidently killing 2/3s of the population, Brazil has been a country racked with sorrow.
“To see a baby, which only years ago would have been used for food by an undernourished population forced to survive in underground caves because of the swarms of killer Beemen stalking their every move, is a great thing for the Brazilian people,” said President Juan Ponce Gatuno.
While the Beepeople have mostly vanished or been killed off, the 2003 invasion of Brazil by The Robot Overlords from Paraguay has been yet another setback in the Brazilian people’s quest for a life above ground. Many Brazilians were so moved by Aldo’s performance they have begun calling him “Salvador” (The Savior) and are talking about him as being a potential leader in a revolution against the bloodthirsty robot killing machines.
Singer and actress Peggy Lee, who moved to Brazil after her death in 2002, is currently a judge on “Brazilian Idol”. She was so moved by Aldo’s performance that she ran onstage, sat in the lotus position and immolated herself in front of the cheering crowd. Although she has burns over 98 percent of her body and currently lacks the ability to speak or breathe, she is expected to return to the show next week.
Responses from around the world to little Aldo’s Sepultura covers have been extremely favorable. The clip has received over 15 million hits on YouTube and was the lead news item on the nightly broadcast of the BBC for the 3,000 or so Englishmen who survived The Great English Bloodfeast of 2009.
Americans, who have been mostly unharmed by the plagues, famines and alien attacks that have decimated most of the world, particularly love little Aldo. According to Courtney Thirstwood, who lives in a gated community in Colorado, “OMG…..It is sooooooo amazing! The baby sings heavy metal! That’s soooo 80s!!!! And it’s cute! And cute things are fun to look at! Cause they’re cute!”
The Tyranny of Tradition 