Sepultura Singing Baby Becomes Internet Sensation


A clip from last Wednesday’s episode of Brazil’s top prime time television program “Brazilian Idol”, known to the people as Placa De Ferver Infestados Rins, has become an Internet phenomenon thanks to the amazing performance of Aldo Infante.

Aldo is an 8-month-old whose voice sounds remarkably like Max Cavalera, the former singer of Sepultura and Soulfly.  The child sent the capacity crowd into hysterics by performing a spot-on cover of the Sepultura classic “Slaves of Pain” and then going into a stirring rendition of “Troops of Doom”.

This was a great moment for a nation that has experienced terrible turmoil for almost 30 years.  Ever since U.S. President Ronald Reagan sent swarms of bee people to the nation in 1986 in order to root our members of the Brazilian Communist Party (Os Desviantes) and ended up accidently killing 2/3s of the population, Brazil has been a country racked with sorrow.

“To see a baby, which only years ago would have been used for food by an undernourished population forced to survive in underground caves because of the swarms of killer Beemen stalking their every move, is a great thing for the Brazilian people,” said President Juan Ponce Gatuno.

While the Beepeople have mostly vanished or been killed off, the 2003 invasion of Brazil by The Robot Overlords from Paraguay has been yet another setback in the Brazilian people’s quest for a life above ground.  Many Brazilians were so moved by Aldo’s performance they have begun calling him “Salvador” (The Savior) and are talking about him as being a potential leader in a revolution against the bloodthirsty robot killing machines.

Singer and actress Peggy Lee, who moved to Brazil after her death in 2002, is currently a judge on “Brazilian Idol”.  She was so moved by Aldo’s performance that she ran onstage, sat in the lotus position and immolated herself in front of the cheering crowd.  Although she has burns over 98 percent of her body and currently lacks the ability to speak or breathe, she is expected to return to the show next week.

Responses from around the world to little Aldo’s Sepultura covers have been extremely favorable.  The clip has received over 15 million hits on YouTube and was the lead news item on the nightly broadcast of the BBC for the 3,000 or so Englishmen who survived The Great English Bloodfeast of 2009.

Americans, who have been mostly unharmed by the plagues, famines and alien attacks that have decimated most of the world, particularly love little Aldo.  According to Courtney Thirstwood, who lives in a gated community in Colorado, “OMG…..It is sooooooo amazing!  The baby sings heavy metal!  That’s soooo 80s!!!!  And it’s cute!  And cute things are fun to look at! Cause they’re cute!”

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  1. #1 by Universe Number Five on August 12, 2013 - 7:35 AM

    “Wait a second Aldo, I’mma let you finsih but Beyonce did one of the best Sepultura covers of all-time…”

    • #2 by Nurav on August 12, 2013 - 1:45 PM

      “Just stand up under siege!”

  2. #3 by mirkinfirkin on August 12, 2013 - 8:44 PM

    “Americans, who have been mostly unharmed by the plagues, famines and alien attacks that have decimated most of the world…”

    You realize that because you’re also causing Global Warming, we’re quickly becoming homeless as our igloos melt? Our Parliament has even been forced to recess indefinitely because the igloo containing our seat of government has melted! And they were about to pass a motion legalizing pot!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • #4 by Keith Spillett on August 13, 2013 - 1:08 PM

      You’re welcome.

    • #5 by dingleflopper on November 28, 2013 - 1:10 PM

      actually its more like brazil with its overwhelming rainforest is where the leading number of people dying from malaria are at. famine is in your nature just realize americans have mostly evolved past jungle diseases and we oare on the leading edge of breeding better more distructive diseases so as soon as you all die off we can finish the work of napoleon bonaparte and take over the rest of the world lmao

      • #6 by mirkinfirkin on November 28, 2013 - 4:28 PM

        I think Genghis Khan said it best: “Би байх адуу. Би байх сүрэглэх. Би байх миний шодой. Yгүйрэх мөн юмс үр хүүхэд.”

  3. #7 by David Molinarolo on November 28, 2013 - 12:08 PM

    WTF? Aliens and robot machines, and Beemen? Am I missing something for does Brasil think it’s under siege from a XBox One game?

  4. #8 by Felipe Espinola on December 29, 2013 - 10:09 AM

    Eu, como brasileiro que sou, me sinto feliz em ver esta resenha.

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