Posts Tagged the centifugal bumblepuppy
Blue Oyster Cult Members Beat Heckler Into A Coma With Cowbell
Posted by Keith Spillett in General Weirdness on June 9, 2014
It all started innocently enough with a Saturday Night Live sketch featuring Christopher Walken back in 2000. Since then, the Blue Oyster Cult have been besieged by swarms of people all shouting the same thing “More Cowbell”. At first, the band enjoyed all the attention. “We thought it was hysterical,” said Cult front man Eric Bloom, “we were huge Walken fans and loved the whole cowbell thing.”
As time has worn on, the sheer repetition of the same joke has taken its toll. Bloom cannot go anywhere without hearing the same joke over and over. “I go to the supermarket and am in the frozen food aisle. Some fool runs by me and yells “More Cowbell”. I go to the 10 items or less checkout line…some idiot behind the register yells “Here’s your change….More Cowbell!!!”
“It happens everywhere. I’m at my proctologist the other day and the guy keeps shouting “More Cowbell” during my exam. At funerals, people come up to me as I’m leaning over the casket and shout ‘More Cowbell’.
“We are basically this generation’s Fonzi, with everyone coming up with their thumbs up shouting ‘Ayyyyyyy!’. It’s no wonder Henry Winkler got up on that bell tower and shot all those people.”
“Do you know how many bad Christopher Walken impersonations I’ve heard in the last month? 500 or 600, easily,” said Buck Dharma, the band’s lead guitarist. “We loved the attention at first, but people just won’t stop. The other day, somebody spray-painted “More Cowbell” on our family’s Labrador retriever!”
“Everybody wants to be part of the same joke. Everybody wants to prove they get the same stupid cultural reference. Everybody wants to be laughed at. Everybody should be covered head to toe in boils and left in the sun to rot.”
At a concert on Tuesday night in Akron, Ohio, things got out of control. The audience began screaming “More Cowbell” at the opening act “Yah Mo B There”, a local Michael McDonald cover band. Before Blue Oyster Cult came onstage the crowd chanted “More Cowbell” for nearly an hour. During every single song, the audience howled “More Cowbell” accompanied by raucous laughter.
Bloom was progressively becoming more annoyed. “We are doing ‘Harvester of Eyes’, they kept shouting it. We are doing “Career of Evil”…same thing. “Burnin’ For You”….again and again. Endlessly. We pleaded for them to stop, but they kept going.”
One fan, Zelmo Beaty, shouted the same line in a Christopher Walken voice for the duration of the show nonstop. The band had heard enough. They decided to take action.
They leaped from the stage taking drummer Jules Radino’s cowbell, held Beaty and took turns beating him over the head for five minutes the instrument, Dharma was heard shouting “How funny is it now?!!! You want anymore cowbell?!!!!” as security wrestled the bloodied cowbell from his hand.
Beaty emerged from his coma on several occasions rambling about how funny he thinks Jimmy Fallon is, how much he loved the Hunger Games series and how he thought Miley Cyrus’ public display of twerking was inappropriate.
No charges have been filed against the band by local law enforcement.
According to Akron Sheriff Will Kane, “This sort of violence is not normally tolerated in our community, but in this case, we can really understand. In America, people say the same ten things over and over again. No creativity. No originality. Just the same stupid lines ad nauseum. What The Blue Oyster Cult did was wrong, but can you really blame them?”
TWERK DAT GHANDI
Posted by Keith Spillett in The Poetry of Death on August 28, 2013
Announcer: (A generic Midwestern radio voice straddles the line between sounding hip and offending sponsors by sounding too “edgy”) We are back live on All The Hits Hot 107 The Flash. Right now, we got that new song from rapper Lil Abner. As you know, Lil Abner just broke up with his homies Yung Elderlyz and Kurt da Kiropractor from the multi-platnum selling hip hop group Dat Marketin’ Skeme. And now, playaz and playettez, it’s time to TWERK DAT GHANDI……
(Standard hip hop beat plays behind an endless sample loop of Toni Basil’s “Mickey”)
WUT!!!!
WUT!!!!
WUT!!!!
WUT!!!!
TWERK DAT GHANDI!!!!!
TWERK DAT GHANDI!!!!!
TWERK DAT!!!!
TWERK DAT!!!!!
TWERK DAT GHANDI!!!!
Bald headed holy man
Ain’t got no Pakistan
Spizzard on a gin-sam
Wearin’ dem Pampers
Diana Moon Glampers
Got dirty clothes
Ghandi bring dem hampers
Ghandi like WUT
Tojo like WUT
WUT!!!!!!!
WUT!!!!!!
WUT!!!!
WUT!!!!
TWERK DAT GHANDI!!!!
TWERK DAT GHANDI!!!!
TWERK DAT!!!
TWERK DAT!!!
TWERK DAT GHANDI!!!!
G-G-G-ghandi in dat basement
Mixin’ up dat pavement
Thinkin’ ‘bout savement
Got a love fade back
Wearin’ dat snapback
Spleen like a relax
Drink some honey beeswax
Climin’ dem sleezstacks
Nero got no kneecaps
Ghandi like WUT
Broz Tito like WUT
WUT!!!!
WUT!!!!
WUT!!!!
WUT!!!!
TWERK DAT GHANDI!!!
TWERK DAT GHANDI!!!
TWERK DAT!!!
TWERK DAT!!!
TWERK DAT GHANDI!!!!!
Pound a ground licorice
Larva got dat chrysalis
Sippin’ on dat Sisyphus
Gold blackberry
Amoebic dysentery
Droppin’ dem bombs like
Matthew C. Perry
Obamacare survivor
Got dem Holy Diver
Runnin’ dat show like you
Sargent Shriver
Broken scapula
Count Dracula
Donatin’ dem kidneys
Jomo Kenyata
Mr. Roboto
Ghandi like WUT
Mussolini like WUT
WUT!!!!
WUT!!!!
WUT!!!!
WUT!!!!
TWERK DAT GHANDI!!!!
TWERK DAT GHANDI!!!!!
TWERK DAT!!!!
TWERK DAT!!!!
TWERK DAT GHANDI!!!!!
WUT!
TWERK DAT GHANDI
WUT!