Posts Tagged John F. Kennedy

Exclusive: New Photographic Evidence Links Lemmy To The JFK Assassination

Exclusive Photo of Lemmy Shooting Kennedy From The Grassy Knoll

Exclusive Photo of Lemmy Shooting Kennedy From The Grassy Knoll

November 22, 1963 was a day that few Americans could ever forget.  On a visit to Dallas, John F. Kennedy’s motorcade was fired on and the President was killed.  His alleged assassin Lee Harvey Oswald was murdered a day later leaving investigators little time to find out who else might have been involved in the plot .  In spite of an extensive study by The Warren Commission, which claimed that Oswald acted alone, a good portion of the public remains unconvinced of the official story to this day.  Last week, a private investigator working for the Tyranny of Tradition obtained clear and compelling photographic evidence that Oswald was not the only shooter on that dreadful November day.

One of the main reasons that many have believed the case was unsolved was what is known as the single bullet or magic bullet theory.  The account of the assassination put forth in The Warren Commission report was that the bullet that killed President Kennedy also caused several wounds to Texas Governor John Connelly, who was in the car with him at the time.  Scientists have long held the belief that this is almost impossible and means there must have been another assassin firing at Kennedy from another spot.  Some witnesses, including members of the Secret Service who were guarding Kennedy, claimed they heard and saw gunfire from an area known as the grassy knoll.  For years, there has been much speculation as to whether this was true and, if so, who was the shooter on the grassy knoll.  We now can conclusively state that Ian Fraser Kilmiester, known to music fans and friends alike as Lemmy, fired the fatal shots from the grassy knoll that day.

Lemmy had a rather normal early childhood in England.  He was extremely bright and known for being a remarkable shot.  He spent a good portion of his days studying military history and learning to play bass.  When he was 10, he went to live abroad with his “Uncle Alvin”, a shadowy figure who was not actually related to his family but took a strong interest in young Lemmy.

Very little was known about “Uncle Alvin”, except that he was an American who traveled throughout Central America extensively.  Alvin often took Lemmy on these trips with him.  Lemmy has refused to say much about “Uncle Alvin”, who he lost touch with when he turned 19, but through careful investigation, we have learned that “Uncle Alvin” is none other than CIA superspy E. Howard Hunt.

A high-ranking former CIA agent contacted us a month ago with this story.  In a three hour meeting with our editorial staff last week, he detailed how Lemmy first came to Hunt’s attention when he (at nine years old) mailed a plan for how to overthrow the government of Guatemala to the CIA.  Hunt was so impressed with the plan (which came to be known as Operation PBSuccess), he used it to remove President Jacobo Arbenz from office in that Central American nation.  After using the plan, he began a friendship with Lemmy that lasted throughout his teen years.

At 15, Lemmy became an integral part of planning the failed Bay of Pigs invasion in Cuba.  Both Hunt and Lemmy blamed President Kennedy for not calling in air support and letting the plan fail.  They wanted revenge and on November 22, 1963 they got it.  Beyond being motivated by their lust for vengeance, Hunt was working on behalf of several sinister high level agents within the government who felt Kennedy’s presidency was weakening the United States and leaving us vulnerable to communist infiltration.

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Lemmy and Hunt met Oswald during the planning stages of the Bay of Pigs.  They struck up a friendship and later, came together to commit the most shocking crime in American history.  Oswald was to fire from the book depository building while Lemmy was to shoot from the grassy knoll, essentially creating a death trap from which the President could not escape.  Hunt was responsible for the set up and for getting the two out of Dallas after the assassination.  While Oswald was captured and eventually murdered by Jack Ruby, a guitarist from one of Lemmy’s early bands, Kilmeister was dressed as a hobo and snuck out of town in an outbound train car.

Hunt cut ties to Lemmy in order to keep the murder a secret.  Lemmy returned to England and got involved in the rock scene, first as a roadie to Jimi Hendrix, then as a member of the space-rock band Hawkwind, and finally as leader of the band Motorhead.  An unnamed CIA agent who hoped the band could be used to infiltrate Soviet bloc countries and steal information while on tour introduced Philthy Animal Taylor, Motorhead’s drummer, to Lemmy.  While it is not known whether this spying took place, it is clear that Philthy Animal was a CIA asset as late at 2001, when he faked his own death to hide his role in the government of Ugandan strongman Idi Amin.

Lemmy gun

The photograph obtained by Tyranny of Tradition shows Lemmy clearly standing on the grassy knoll firing the shots at Kennedy.  In order to prove that it is Lemmy, we hired world-renowned dermatologist Dr. Andrew Falco to study the mole on Lemmy’s face in the picture with several other photos of Lemmy’s mole.  According to Dr. Falco, he was nearly 100 percent certain that the mole on Lemmy’s face in the grassy knoll picture is the same mole he has today.  Hours after meeting with us, Dr. Falco was found in his home, a victim of five self-inflicted gunshot wounds to the head.

In spite of the evidence of Lemmy’s involvement, the US government has, so far, not connected either Hunt or Lemmy to the killing.  Hunt, for his part, confessed to being a part of the JFK assassination on his death bed in 2007.  His confession has been largely ignored.

Many of Motorhead’s songs contain veiled references to the assassination, including the song “Stone Deaf In The USA” where Lemmy sings “You can have yourself a real good time…..You can have yourself a life of crime…Get me back to JFK.” The next verse ominously begins with the words “Down To Texas, Can’t Get Enough.”

Rumors have been floating around for years that Ace of Spades was actually the nickname he had for the Mannlicher-Carcano rifle that Lemmy, an avid gun collector, claimed to have bought for 100,000 dollars in the late 70s because of its use in a well-known, but unnamed murder.  It is our belief that the famous murder linked to “The Ace of Spades” rifle is the assassination of President John Fitzgerald Kennedy and the assassin was, in fact, Lemmy Kilmeister.

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Manowar Secedes From United States Over Obama’s “False Metal Agenda”

Into Guam Ride

In a stunning, utterly asinine move, legendary metal band Manowar, frustrated with the false metal policies of the Obama administration, seceded from the United States this morning. President Obama has recently made several decisions that have angered the Anti-False Metal Community including vetoing a bill that would have mandated life prison sentences for anyone caught with a Staind or Nickleback album and brought back the guillotine for anyone convicted of knowing the name of more than one Stryper song.

Obama, who had promised a poser free America by 2020, also recently scrapped plans to create a Department of True Metal.  According to Manowar frontman Eric Adams, “This False Metal President came to Washington promising change.  If your idea of change is watching the Olsen Twins running around in Master of Puppets shirts or hearing that stupid Pumped Up Kicks song on the radio 42 times a day, then you are not my friend.”

Adams and the current lineup of the band have claimed the island of Guam “in the name of real, serious, true, genuine, honest, authentic, unquestionable, forthright, unfeigned, irrefutable, unambiguous, steadfast, bona fide, resolute, unaffected, substantive, uncontrived, headbanging metal”.  Guam will be a refuge for frustrated metalheads, tired of living in a world where even a new Morbid Angel album can bring shame and despair.

Residents of Guam, mostly unaware of the change in leadership, had mixed reaction to the news.  Some Guamites saw the news as a hopeful sign.  “Hopefully Manowar can rid us of our recent infestation of Coconut Rhinoceros Beetles.  If they can do that, I’m all for this” said Arturo Gratame, a farmer in the city of Yona.   Others, like resturaunt owner Moru Calvo were deeply upset by the change.  “They’ve written about one good song since Triumph of Steel.  Now we are going to trust our lives and property to them.  I don’t think so!”

Most Congressmen either didn’t know who Manowar was or were annoyed to be asked ridiculous questions while busy not passing any piece of important legislation to alleviate suffering caused by the stagnant American economy. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid seemed particularly hostile to the secession of Manowar.  “Like I don’t have enough to deal with already.  What the hell are they talking about?  Manowar isn’t a country.  They are a band.  They can’t secede from the United States.  And they certainly can’t have Guam.  We have military bases there.   They can’t just take it over cause they are pissed off that Metallica did that stupid record with Lou Reed or because there are too many mallgoths.  It’s unacceptable.”

Adams, who arrived in Guam this morning on a flying golden chariot, dismissed Senator Reid’s comments as “the typical posturing of someone who secretly listens to Maroon 5 albums in his basement while reading Cosmopolitan Magazine and wearing a pink taffeta gown.  Reid wouldn’t make it through one song at a Manowar concert before his entrails would be consumed by The Army of Immortals.”

Republican Presidential candidate Rick Perry, who once also threatened to have Texas secede from the Union, compared Manowar’s plight to the South during The Civil War.  “I can understand the frustration those boys feel.  They are sick and tired of being pushed around by federal government, just like the South felt when they rose up and rebelled against President John F. Kennedy and the North in the Civil War.  I hope they are successful.  After all, Guam is currently being run by socialists.”

The band is currently meeting on a mountaintop overlooking the village of Santa Rita awaiting instructions from Odin on how to proceed.  Joey DeMaio, the band’s bassist and spiritual leader, believes they will successfully conquer Guam in a few days in spite of the fact that they will probably have to subdue the mighty U.S. Navy in order to do it.  “I will crack the whip with a bold, mighty hail,” pronounced DeMaio as bolts of lightning shot from his sword.  “The earth will probably drink much blood today, but it shall not be ours.  We shall ride into glory….because…..WE………..ARE THE METAL KINGS!!!!!!!”

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Theoidiocity

Can you really trust a guy with hair like this?

Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz is a fool.  That’s the only explanation for theodicy, the inane, laughable idea that he came up with to rationally prove that his version of God was real and all-powerful.   Leibniz, for those of you who have lives and don’t spend your afternoons reading philosophical nonsense, came up with the idea that our world must be “the best of all possible worlds”.  I believe that his “best of all possible worlds” hypothesis is in a category by itself in the pantheon of truly moronic thoughts.

If I had to argue what the dumbest idea in history is, this is my vote. Now, I’m sure some of you have an crazy uncles who have theories that link vampires and global warming or think that the phone company had John F Kennedy killed, but I am speaking of ideas that have been taken seriously by a good number of people.  Leibniz was and is a highly respected thinker.  As a matter of fact, he is one of the most significant and respected minds of his era.  They named a cookie after him in Germany for God sakes.

Granted, many great philosophers have had dumb ideas.  Descartes had some pretty blockheaded ones and he was certainly no slouch. The guy ran around dissecting corpses because he believed that the soul was physically located somewhere inside of their skulls.  God’s very own set of rabbit ears, I guess.

Leibniz, however, took intellectual goofiness to new heights.  Voltaire used the better part of his book Candide ridiculing Leibniz by portraying him as the doltish Dr. Pangloss.  No matter what horrible bit of suffering affected his view that “all is for the best in this best of all worlds”.  Voltaire clearly and succinctly put this idea out of its misery, but for an idea this horrendous, there are simply not enough nails for the coffin.

Leibniz begins this monstrous theory with the idea that God is perfect.  This is a completely unprovable assumption.  How would Leibniz know if God is perfect? Has he seen another world that God has created and compared the two?  Has he evaluated each an every atom in the universe and found no mistakes?  Who is he to even think he can judge the work of the creator of the universe?  How does he even know for certain if there is a God?

If Leibniz wants to say that he has faith that this is true, that’s fine with me.  He can have any spiritual belief he wants.  But that is not what he’s saying.  He’s trying to make the assertion that his belief can be rationally proven.  He gets no leeway here because he’s trying to smuggle his spiritual beliefs into the world of rationality.

Just so we can get to the silliness that comes next, let’s take him at his word about the God being perfect thing.  This perfect God had a choice of every possible universe.  He looked at each, evaluated it and came up with the perfect one.  Why you ask? Because he’s perfect and is incapable of choosing a less than perfect world.  If he’s perfect and has the choice of any possible universe, what makes Leibniz so certain he would choose the perfect one?  Leibniz is making the mistake of trying to assume what the thinking of a perfect being would be.  Again, how would Leibniz know what God would choose?  Maybe God wanted to experiment to see what an imperfect world would look like if it played out for a few hundred thousand years.  Maybe God just picked at random.  I don’t know what happened and neither does Leibniz.

So, he’s 0 for 2 so far with two strikeouts, but he isn’t going to stop there.  Now, he’s going to take his perfectly unprovable God who picked this unproveably perfect universe and pull the proverbial rug out from under him.  See…cuz…this perfect being, right, he only had a choice of lots of imperfect worlds and he chose the best one he could find.

So basically, God, the perfect being, is unable to go shopping at say, Macy’s, and instead has to pick potential universes out of the 9-dollar pile at TJ Maxx. He couldn’t pick a universe where people lived forever and there was no suffering, no perception of suffering, no cancer, no starvation, no bubonic plague, an infinite amount of space, resources and joy.  All of those were out of stock or on back order. He had a choice between lots of different universes that happened to have all sorts of design flaws.  No new Mercedes for you, God!  Its either the 1998 used Saturn with no working radio or heat or the 1975 light blue Pinto with the flaming engine.

Leibniz rests a highly questionable conclusion on top of a mountain of conjecture.  Does Leibniz mean to say that God should get credit for the good things in the universe but bare no responsibility for the bad?   If you only have control of some facets of the universe, then how can you be called omnipotent?  You could drive an 18-wheel cement truck through the holes in this argument and still have room for the University of Michigan football team and the cast of a Robert Altman film.

The only thing that Leibniz’ argument actually proves is that Leibniz believes in God.  I have no call to hassle the man if he simply wants to make the point that he doesn’t know why, he just believes in God.  I have a good deal of respect for people of faith, because they are able to believe in something they can’t exactly explain but feel deeply.  An argument for the existence of God based on belief or faith can be a powerful and beautiful thing.  Arguing for God based on quasi-rational statements that are filled with highly speculative “proof” is at best slightly insane and at worst highly disingenuous.

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Buggin’ Out: The Paranoid Style in American Motel Rooms

Few films capture the spirit of modern American paranoia better than William Friedkin‘s 2006 film “Bug“.  It is a bleak, disturbing picture of two people consumed by sadness and connected through a shared feeling of conspiratorial persecution. Peter Evans (Michael Shannon) is a drifter who wanders into the life of Agnes White (Ashley Judd).  They quickly find themselves embroiled in one of the more unhealthy relationships in recent film history.  Agnes has barely survived a horrifically abusive marriage and the kidnapping of her young son.  Peter has just finished a stretch some sort of shadowy psychiatric hospital where, depending on who you believe, he was either a severely disturbed escaped patient or a survivor of a series of Operation MK-Ultra meets The Manchurian Candidate type experiments.  Together, they become the proverbial Bogey and Bacall of the Black Helicopter set.  It would be easy to dismiss their ideas as the demented imaginings of two troubled people, but the narrative they construct about the meaning of lives and their relationship to the world is a powerful statement about modern mass hysteria.

Peter gets the paranoia party started by insisting that a mysterious THEY have put bugs in his blood.  He is deeply committed to this idea, to the point of yanking some of his own teeth out in order to remove the egg sacs that are in his mouth.  Quickly, things spiral out of control.  They cover the walls of the room in tin foil, buy up half the bug zappers in Oklahoma and embark on a wild spree of shared psychosis and Dionysian self destruction that eventually annihilates them.  The logic that gets them to this point is nothing short of amazing.  They come to believe that everything that is happening to them is somehow connected to a greater plan.  Peter connects his own experience to sixty years of back room schemes created by a mysterious unnamed cabal bent on completely enslaving the entire human race.  In an amazing monologue, Peter manages to link the bugs he believes to be carrying to The People’s Temple in Jonestown, the Bilderberg Group and their secret meetings from 1954 until the present and even Timothy McVeigh (who was apparently the other lab rat who was given these bugs).  Agnes soon links her own experiences to his and comes to realize that her abusive ex-husband and missing child are also products of the exact same treachery.  It is the “everything happens for a reason” philosophy writ larger than life.  All of these random, non-intersecting parts mean something.  Each person’s life is a giant puzzle where all the pieces fit.  It’s just a matter of collecting them all together and putting them in the correct places and then it will all make sense.  This is the sort of thinking that Kurt Vonnegut lays bare in his book “The Sirens of Titan“.  In that book, the entire arc of human history has been measured and calibrated in order create a replacement part for an alien space ship which will one day have the important task of placing a “greeting” message on a far away planet.  We all have a purpose and that purpose happens to be completely absurd.

“Bug” takes this theme and runs wild with it.  The characters have created meaning for their lives out of a mess of half-baked theories. Peter and Agnes really believe that this crazy composite of events was created for them.  They see themselves as the protagonists of human history.  They don’t simply pick one story as their narrative; they pick every single one that they have ever heard.  The world really does revolve around them.

As I was watching this film I began to wonder if this was an accurate portrayal of the condition of the paranoia that exists in the minds of most Americans?  Since I have never been in the minds of most Americans, I am not really able to say for sure. However, things are getting pretty weird out here in the real world and I have to wonder whether some of this isn’t the product of the same ideas that drove Peter and Agnes into mental oblivion.  After all, there are a good number of people who will tell you that our President was born in Kenya, the National Security Council masterminded the 9/11 attacks, or the Federal Reserve killed John F. Kennedy.  I’m not really interested in debating the validity of the ideas, I personally don’t believe them, but if you do that is really fine with me.   I have a few pretty bizarre ideas about human history myself.  What I find interesting about these theories is that how they illustrate the Woodward and Bernstein fantasy that some people are living.  We are the investigators of some great cosmic puzzle whose pieces are scattered willy-nilly through a series of cultural and political markers.  We are Sherlock Holmes turning our collective magnifying glass on everything.  Media events are not things unto themselves; they are clues that connect us all to a larger picture.

Marshall McLuhan argued in his book “Understanding Media:  The Extensions of Man” that modern technology had “extended our central nervous system itself in a global embrace”.  In “Bug”, Peter and Agnes disappear as individuals and instead try to take on the narrative of the human race as their new identity.  McLuhan saw this loss of identity as a dangerous thing.  He ominously noted that “the loss of individual and personal meaning via the electronic media ensures a corresponding and reciprocal violence from those so deprived of their identities; for violence, whether spiritual or physical, is a quest for identity and the meaningful”  (Canadian Forum, 1976)  This quote is “Bug” in a nutshell.  Two beings entirely destroyed (first as individuals, next as physical beings) by the electric connection to the rest of the world.  If violence is a necessary and eventual component of this search for identity then maybe we do have a great deal to be paranoid of.

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