Posts Tagged Immolation

Stick To The Original Plan and Wait For The Concert

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Father Dyer spends the better part of an hour trying to convince you to change the plan and ambush Benton, but you know better.  Benton is telepathic and would know you were coming.  You lie down on the bed and take a nap.  In your dreams, you are sitting in a Wendy’s talking to the ghosts of Hoffman brothers, guitarists whose souls were eaten by Benton during a concert in 2004.  They are both drinking Frostees.  Brian’s is chocolate, while Eric’s is blood flavored.  They warn you to go home.  Benton is too powerful.  He will destroy you.  He is the ultimate form of evil.  You will not survive.

You wake up in a cold sweat and a feeling of looming disaster in your throat.  Father Dyer is nervously pacing back and forth.  He tells you he also took a nap and also had a dream about two Brothers.  They were warning him to turn back while drinking Frostees.  You chalk it up to coincidence and get dressed for the concert.

You arrive at the show four hours late, just in time for Deicide to begin their set.  Benton seems to not notice you, but the fact that the guy you are with is dressed as a priest draws the attention of several members of the crowd.  They are slightly amused thinking that Father Dyer is trying to be ironic, but quickly go back to their beverages.  As the music begins to play, the two of you inch closer to the stage.

During the middle of “Dead By Dawn”, Benton finally notices you.  He has read your mind and knows why you are there.  He quickly turns the crowd into man-eating zombies.  You kick and punch the zombies away and jump onto the stage.  Father Dyer is not so lucky.  He is eaten by two overweight gentlemen in Immolation tee-shirts.

Benton is startled.  He was certain that the zombies would stop you.  This is the perfect time to attack.  However, you do not have Father Dyer’s case which contains the Rites of Exorcism.  A zombie with a Burzum shirt on is trying to eat it.  Then, the zombie begins to repeatedly hit himself in the face with the case.  You’re not even quite sure the Burzum fan is a zombie.  This is actually pretty reasonable behavior from someone who listens to Burzum.   If you do not have the Rites of Exorcism, you’ll have to behead Benton in order to release the demon.

Do you…

 

Get the case with the Rites of Exorcism from the zombie Burzum fan

 

Do you attack Benton and attempt to behead him

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Gorguts to Guest Star On Thursday Night’s Episode of The Honeymooners

They are Canada’s favorite technical death metal band and now they are set to appear on CBS’ hit television show The Honeymooners.  Gorguts, those wild and crazy Quebecean death metallers who burst on the scene in 1993 with their Top 40 hit “Orphans of Sickness”, will become the first band ever to appear on the show.  Honeymooners star Jackie Gleason is a huge fan of the band who claims to have listened to the album Obscura over 400 times in a row when it was released.  Gleason, who became a fan when Considered Dead was released in 1991, said in a recent interview that no band he knows of “has been able to link the primal, bestial rage in the human soul with such profound, technical craftsmanship.”

The episode titled “Hey, Hey Luc Lemay, How Many Kids Did You Kill Today?” was filmed on Monday afternoon in front of a live studio audience.  The story is thought to be one of the more experimental Honeymooners episodes, although by no means as surreal as the episode where Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton are trapped in the stomach of a moose.

It begins with a knock on the door from a shady, elderly man played by Sir John Gielgud, the elderly British actor known for his stirring performance as the butler in the movie Arthur. Gielgud introduces himself as “Luther” and hands Alice Kramden a box.  He tells her she has three wishes once she opens the box, but should be careful what she wishes for.

After the man leaves, Alice and Ralph tear the box open only to find the paw of a monkey with a bow around it.  Ralph holds up the paw and wishes for enough money to never have to work again.  Suddenly, a box appears on their coffee table.  Ralph opens it and is stunned by piles of hundred dollar bills.  However, he is appalled to realize that in the box is also the severed head of his neighbor Ed Norton (played by the loveable Art Carney).

In spite of the beheading of Ed, they decide they are glad to have gotten the money and decide to make another wish.  This time Alice holds the paw up and wishes that she could get the chance to see Gorguts live for the first time.  Immediately, there is a knock on the door and the band appears.  They run around the house smashing the furniture and throwing food at each other.  Singer Luc Lemay knocks Ralph to the ground and tries to force him to swallow mustard until he chokes.  Meanwhile, guitarist Kevin Hufnagel destroys Ralph’s favorite bowling trophy by attempting to play a solo from “Rottenatomy” using the trophy as a guitar pick.  Finally, Alice has had enough.  She holds up the paw and screams, “I wish Gorguts would go away!!!!!”

With that, the band disappears and the archangel Gabriel appears on top of the dining room table blowing his horn.  Ralph, covered in mustard, launches into a recital of a Willie Loman monologue from Arthur Miller’s “Death of a Salesman” while Alice begins to grow a teeth out of the side of her face.  The episode ends with Ed’s head rolling onto the floor and the entire cast, including the head, launching into an impromptu version of the song “Officer Krupke” from the musical West Side Story.

Gorguts appearance on The Honeymooners is not the first appearance of a metal band on a major television show.  Who could forget the time Anthrax rocked out on Married With Children?  Or the time Immolation played “Into Everlasting Fire” with Ricky Ricardo’s band on I Love Lucy?  Gorguts’ appearance on The Honeymooners is certain to rank as one of the most entertaining and important moments in television history.

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