“Yes, we sell out. Every seat in the house. Every time we play. Anywhere we play.”
-Jason Newsted on VH-1’s Behind The Music: Metallica
(Song begins sounding almost exactly like Unforgiven 3 in the hopes of capitalizing on earlier Metallica work and ensuring that the landscaping on Mr. Hetfield’s home in Malibu will be paid for well into the next century)
How could we know
Writing four-minute ballads-ah,
Would change our lives for-ever-ah?
Hired Bob Rock to change our course,
Sold trillions of records-ah,
Caused old metalheads
In our quest for Bentleys.
By the rage they’re feeling.
That’s…..what…you…want us….to be,
(What you want us to be)
How come if we suuuuu-ck,
We make more money this way?
Stopped playing no-name clubs,
You should see our 401-Ks!
How can we go wrong?
This is the American Way,
How can we sell out?
This is how the game play—-dah.
People like to whine,
About how things have changed,
Distracts them from their lives,
To us it just seems strange.
We do what people waaaaa-nnn-tttt,
We have become unsure,
If we’ve always been a business,
What should we be Un-forgiven Forrrrrrrrr?
(Mediocre instrumental part that ham-handedly transitions from cannibalizing The Unforgiven 3 to regurgitating the first part of Unforgiven 2)
Lay beside me,
Try not to make me grin,
Is surely not a sin.
We are rock icons,
We certainly do not care,
About your lives, about your ideas,
Just please don’t file share.
Lay Beside Me,
And I’ll tell you how things are done,
You act the part,
Hock an image,
None of this is true.
We are a consumer item
Just like Elmer’s Glue,
Well…they’ve been selling rock as revolution,
If you can understand McDonald’s,
Then you understand what we do.
Yeah, you can understand what we do-ah!
What we’ve done,
What we’ve sold,
You know the rules,
No one’s been rolled,
You hate the system,
But you participate too—ah.
Yeah…What we’ve felt,
What we’ve known,
Etched in stone.
Behind our masks,
We are amused by youuuu-ah.
Before you call,
Lars a whore,
Then peddle your skills,
To buy seats on the floor,
Remind us again why you’re so pure,
And we’re The Un-forgiven Four.
(Mildly interesting but forgettable solo section that somehow meanders into a new chorus meant to put an end to this monstrosity of a song)
You think we’re old,
But we’ll survive,
In ten years you’ll get nostaligiccc-ah
Want to see us live,
Pay 400 dollars,
To hear us play The Unforgiven Five-ah.