“Yes, we sell out. Every seat in the house. Every time we play. Anywhere we play.”

-Jason Newsted on VH-1’s Behind The Music: Metallica

Unforgiven Four

(Song begins sounding almost exactly like Unforgiven 3 in the hopes of capitalizing on earlier Metallica work and ensuring that the landscaping on Mr. Hetfield’s home in Malibu will be paid for well into the next century)

How could we know

Writing four-minute ballads-ah,

Would change our lives for-ever-ah?

Hired Bob Rock to change our course,

Sold trillions of records-ah,

Caused old metalheads

Senseless pain,

In our quest for Bentleys.

Been confused,

Always confused,

By the rage they’re feeling.

We…ARE…A…COM-MOD-ITY,

That’s…..what…you…want us….to be,

(What you want us to be)

(Chorus)

How come if we suuuuu-ck,

We make more money this way?

Stopped playing no-name clubs,

You should see our 401-Ks!

How can we go wrong?

This is the American Way,

How can we sell out?

This is how the game play—-dah.

People like to whine,

About how things have changed,

Distracts them from their lives,

To us it just seems strange.

We do what people waaaaa-nnn-tttt,

We have become unsure,

If we’ve always been a business,

What should we be Un-forgiven Forrrrrrrrr?

(Mediocre instrumental part that ham-handedly transitions from cannibalizing The Unforgiven 3 to regurgitating the first part of Unforgiven 2)

Lay beside me,

Try not to make me grin,

Commodity fetishism-mmmah,

Is surely not a sin.

We are rock icons,

We certainly do not care,

About your lives, about your ideas,

Just please don’t file share.

Lay Beside Me,

And I’ll tell you how things are done,

You act the part,

Hock an image,

None of this is true.

We are a consumer item

Just like Elmer’s Glue,

Well…they’ve been selling rock as revolution,

Since 1962,

If you can understand McDonald’s,

Then you understand what we do.

Yeah, you can understand what we do-ah!

(Chorus)

What we’ve done,

What we’ve sold,

You know the rules,

No one’s been rolled,

You hate the system,

But you participate too—ah.

Yeah…What we’ve felt,

What we’ve known,

Hegemonic mediocrity,

Etched in stone.

Behind our masks,

We are amused by youuuu-ah.

Before you call,

Lars a whore,

Then peddle your skills,

To buy seats on the floor,

Remind us again why you’re so pure,

And we’re The Un-forgiven Four.

(Mildly interesting but forgettable solo section that somehow meanders into a new chorus meant to put an end to this monstrosity of a song)

You think we’re old,

But we’ll survive,

In ten years you’ll get nostaligiccc-ah

Want to see us live,

Pay 400 dollars,

To hear us play The Unforgiven Five-ah.

Yeah…The Unforgiven…………..Five……