Posts Tagged Planned Parenthood
From Mike Huckabee’s amped-up Rocky meets George Wallace impression on the Rowan County Jailhouse steps to Donald Trump’s non-stop, vitriolic attack on all things female and Mexican, the race for the 2016 Republican nomination has been marked by some of the most unique political stunts in recent memory. On Wednesday, Ted Cruz will attempt to trump even The Donald with a gimmick never before attempted in American politics. Time travel.
In a hastily called press conference this morning, Cruz announced to a room full of supporters that his team of Conservative Creative Scientists, led by former Nazi doctor Dr. Wolfgang von Hemoglobin, have built a time machine that will allow him to travel back to the year 1879 and murder Planned Parenthood founder and anti-Christ Margaret Sanger while still in utero.
The time machine has been in the works for many years, but was only recently completed when von Hemoglobin discovered the “Stem Cell Flux Capacitor” that will allow an American made Chevy Impala to travel back in time once it hits 88 miles per hour.
By killing Sanger before she is born, Cruz will put an end once and for all to the so-called “reproductive riot caused by women who are not able to control themselves when they are in the presence of virile, masculine men” like himself.
While going back in time and murdering the unborn Sanger seemed like an obvious thing for Cruz to do, his decision to do it was fraught with many dilemmas. By killing Sanger before she is born, Cruz would be guaranteeing her free passage into heaven. While letting a freeloading anarchist into heaven option is a difficult pill for the candidate turned time traveler to swallow, he believes it to be preferable to “the wholesale murder of over 200 trillion unborn souls in the last six months alone”.
Cruz also felt uneasy about only killing Sanger and allowing her mother to give birth to another child who also could turn out to be “the Adolf Hitler of fetus killing”. Initially, he had planned to murder seven or eight generations of her family, but realized this sort continuous time travel would cut into his schedule, preventing him from campaigning and making sure Congress never again passes any form of legislation.
If his murder of Sanger does not convince party loyalists that he is the most pure of heart among the Republican field, he is considering other options. Sources close to the campaign have intimated that he has not ruled out traveling back in time with legions of well-armed supporters, overthrowing George Washington and setting up a nation modeled after his favorite book, Margaret Atwood’s “The Handmaid’s Tale”.
(co-authored by Zenaphobe)
We, at The Tyranny of Tradition, are proud to present today’s guest writer, Jonathan Winthrop. Winthrop is a conservative columnist, syndicated talk radio host, all-around great American and a personal friend of mine. He is the founder of the The Conserva-zen Institute for Self-Enlightenment and Lower Taxes. He has published a series of New York Times best-sellers including “Visualize Liberty”, “Visualize a City On The Hill Without Liberals” and “Visualize, Then Fire”.
Visualize Reagan: Guided Meditation For Conservatives
By Jonathan Winthrop
Guided meditation is an important component on the path to spiritual enlightenment. Today, I present to you a short exercise to help you free your mind of some of its stress and strain. I recommend you sit down in a cool and comfortable place, dim the lights and play some soothing music. Close your eyes and let a feeling of safety wash over you. Have someone with a calming voice (preferably not someone with a foreign accent) read you the following words.
Envision Reagan. He stands straight and proud. Look closely at his face. It is a calm face. It projects strength. Liberty. Freedom. Look closely at his mouth. The confident smile. Like the Duke. Poised. Look into his eyes. Steel Blue. Knowing. Like a wise Grandfather.
Reagan is at the podium. He stands in front of a room full of proud Americans. Good Americans. People like you and me. They are singing. He raises his hands and they fall silent. He speaks of freedom. He speaks of joy. He promises to lower the marginal tax rates for earners making over 250,000 dollars a year to below ten percent. You gaze at him. He begins to glow.
You and Reagan are transported to a beautiful serene valley. Reagan stands in a meadow surrounded by happy animals. Playing. Sheep and lambs run around him in a circle. Reagan smiles. Angels dance around him. They lift him upward. Slowly. He levitates towards the clouds. Gentle white wings appear in his back. Reagan begins to soar faster until he disappears in a white blur.
You are in a nursery surrounded by beautiful newborn babies. All the babies gently coo. You see a beautiful boy. You pick him up and look closely at his face. The baby’s face morphs into the face of Reagan. He smiles. You feel warm. His eyes lock with yours and you feel a perfect inner peace. Those same knowing eyes look back at you. The eyes of Reagan.
Bad people appear. Communists, 60’s radicals, liberals, mass murderers. The baby Reagan becomes the strong, grandfatherly Reagan. His eyes grow red. A beam shoots out of them and kills all of the bad people. He stomps on each of their bad faces. He looks at you and smiles. The babies are safe. All of the babies are in Reagan’s arms. He comforts them. Like a Grandfather.
Reagan does not take. He gives to those who deserve and shows a firm hand to those who don’t. He is peace through strength. He sees the part of us that is rejected, that is lonely, that has been weakened by government programs like affirmative action and Planned Parenthood. He reaches out his glowing finger and he heals us. He heals us. He heals us.
Audio copies of this meditation read by Charlton Heston or Ann Coulter are available through City on The Hill Publishing for $19.99 plus shipping and handling.