Posts Tagged Buddhism

Guided Meditation For Conservatives

We, at The Tyranny of Tradition, are proud to present today’s guest writer, Jonathan Winthrop.  Winthrop is a conservative columnist, syndicated talk radio host, all-around great American and a personal friend of mine.  He is the founder of the The Conserva-zen Institute for Self-Enlightenment and Lower Taxes.  He has published a series of  New York Times best-sellers including “Visualize Liberty”, “Visualize a City On The Hill Without Liberals” and “Visualize, Then Fire”.

Visualize Reagan:  Guided Meditation For Conservatives

By Jonathan Winthrop

Guided meditation is an important component on the path to spiritual enlightenment.  Today, I present to you a short exercise to help you free your mind of some of its stress and strain.  I recommend you sit down in a cool and comfortable place, dim the lights and play some soothing music.  Close your eyes and let a feeling of safety wash over you.  Have someone with a calming voice (preferably not someone with a foreign accent) read you the following words.

Envision Reagan.  He stands straight and proud.  Look closely at his face.  It is a calm face.  It projects strength.  Liberty.  Freedom.  Look closely at his mouth.  The confident smile.  Like the Duke.  Poised.  Look into his eyes.  Steel Blue.  Knowing.  Like a wise Grandfather.

Reagan is at the podium.  He stands in front of a room full of proud Americans.  Good Americans.  People like you and me.  They are singing.  He raises his hands and they fall silent.  He speaks of freedom.  He speaks of joy.  He promises to lower the marginal tax rates for earners making over 250,000 dollars a year to below ten percent.  You gaze at him.  He begins to glow.

You and Reagan are transported to a beautiful serene valley.  Reagan stands in a meadow surrounded by happy animals.  Playing.  Sheep and lambs run around him in a circle.  Reagan smiles.  Angels dance around him.  They lift him upward.  Slowly.  He levitates towards the clouds.  Gentle white wings appear in his back.  Reagan begins to soar faster until he disappears in a white blur.

You are in a nursery surrounded by beautiful newborn babies.  All the babies gently coo.  You see a beautiful boy.  You pick him up and look closely at his face.  The baby’s face morphs into the face of Reagan.  He smiles.  You feel warm.  His eyes lock with yours and you feel a perfect inner peace.  Those same knowing eyes look back at you.  The eyes of Reagan.

Bad people appear.  Communists, 60’s radicals, liberals, mass murderers.  The baby Reagan becomes the strong, grandfatherly Reagan.  His eyes grow red.  A beam shoots out of them and kills all of the bad people.  He stomps on each of their bad faces.  He looks at you and smiles.  The babies are safe.  All of the babies are in Reagan’s arms.  He comforts them.  Like a Grandfather.

Reagan does not take.  He gives to those who deserve and shows a firm hand to those who don’t.  He is peace through strength.  He sees the part of us that is rejected, that is lonely, that has been weakened by government programs like affirmative action and Planned Parenthood.  He reaches out his glowing finger and he heals us.  He heals us.  He heals us.

Audio copies of this meditation read by Charlton Heston or Ann Coulter are available through City on The Hill Publishing for $19.99 plus shipping and handling.

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To Be And Not To Be

Sometimes simple written juxtapositions can simply shutdown the inner workings of one’s mind.  Zen Buddhism uses koans for this exact purpose.  Mediating on the sound of one hand clapping or why Joshu would bother cutting a cat in half with a pair of shoes on his head are the psychological equivalent of throwing the emergency brake on a Ford Escort while doing 110 miles per hour on the Santa Monica Freeway.  If a person pays attention and is tuned into the general weirdness of the universe it becomes apparent that these bizarre feats of language are everywhere.

This evening I found one such “accidental” koan on Yahoo Sports. It managed to make all of the synapses in my brain stop dead in their tracks.  The current sports media obsession revolves around the potential trade of basketball star Carmelo Anthony to the New Jersey Nets.  About an hour ago, I read a headline that said “Anthony To Meet With Nets”. Below it was a headline that said, with equal certainty, “Nets Not Meeting With Anthony”.

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!!!

If these two headlines are read together they can cause severe damage to one’s cerebellum.  How can Carmelo Anthony meet with the Nets while the Nets are not meeting with him?  Does this mean that Anthony is in the room with members of Nets management who are spontaneously ignoring him?  The Nets are trying to trade for him….why would they be so outwardly hostile towards him?  Imagine Carmelo busting into a hotel room filled with Nets brass watching the All-Star 3-point shooting contest.  At first, Carmelo talks softly, then he shouts and screams, but the Nets front office simply sits silently avoiding whatever Carmelo does.  They shun him.  Carmelo jumps in front of the television, he begins to sing the theme song from “Green Acres”, he pulls his liver out of his body and begins chewing on it….no response.  What am I to make of these conflicting headlines?!?!?!

I need to know how this is possible.  Maybe the two things ARE happening at the same time.  Carmelo is in an alternate universe discussing his plans to go to New Jersey while in another dimension the Nets refuse to meet with him.  Maybe there are two Carmelo Anthonys in this world and two sets of different Nets.  Carmelo A is meeting with Nets A while Carmelo B and Nets B avoid each other.  What if these two dimensions simultaneously converged upon on another and Anthony was traded to the Nets while he remained untraded?  The Nets of the Nether Dimension would have added a 20 point per game scorer while the Nets of our current universe would still be stuck with Devin Harris and a bunch of guys in the witness protection program.  What if the Nether Dimension Nets played the Carmeloless real world Nets?  Who would win?  If Carmelo scores 22 points in the Nether Dimension and 20 in the real universe, does it mean he’s scored 42 points?  How would the NBA possibly track these statistics? Wouldn’t he have an advantage over, say,  Kobe Bryant who is currently only allowed to play in one dimension?

What if the Nets got crafty and traded for BOTH Carmelo Anthonys?  This would probably kill their salary cap number but they would have added two All-Star caliber players.  I wonder if the two could co-exist?  Is there room in New Jersey for one Carmelo Anthony?  How about two?  If the Nets learn to master the art of dimensional travel it is entirely possible that they could assemble a team of all Carmelo Anthonys.  Twelve 20 point per game scorers on one team!?!?!  They’d average 240 points per game!!!!  They’d win the NBA title four or five times possibly in the same year.  What if other teams caught on to their multi-dimensional strategy?  LeBron James’ PR image issue would be gone.  He could simply sign with EVERY team in the NBA.  They’d love him again…EVERYWHERE!  In other sports this could be huge.  The Yankees would certainly go out and sign Albert Pujols 47 times.  They’d have Albert Pujols selling tickets, serving hotdogs, playing first base, exterminating bugs, and on and on and on.

Eventually, it is possible to create a worldwide army of Carmelo’s marching towards endless victory. Millions upon millions of Carmelos pulled from millions of different dimensions.  Imagine an enemy army trying to hold a city when thousands of 6’9 small forwards come racing over a wall.  Who could stop them?  They could forever change the world balance of power.  What if a foreign government got their hands on a Carmelo dimensional prototype?  They could create a nation of anti-American Carmelo Anthonys.  The thought is terrifying.

Maybe I’ve taken this too far.  I’m no longer sure of anything. I was having a perfectly normal night trying to find You Tube clips of professional boxers fighting kangaroos when this madness seeped into my brain.  Yahoo owes me a basic explanation as to how a man can be doing something and not doing it at the same time.  I will not rest until I’ve gotten one.

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