Posts Tagged muhammad ali

Thrash Or Die Is A Band: Mayonnaise Disciples of Review

thrash or die

Deep from the hills of Caligula rode a horse with no name.  And that name was Thrash.  From the bowels of the Everywhere and the end of the Nowhere. Gnarfeling Garthocks from the hills of Montezuma to the fields of Tripoli.  Galloping gyrating priapysmic Persepolis of perception.  Panopticon of pleasure. Purple people.  Eaters.  And that name was Thrash.

Open to Track 2012.  Truck Turner was a man with a plan and that plan was Panama.  And the name of that plan was Thrash.  Mountains upon mountains of mayonnaise; wandering Muppets of malfeasance.  Pituitary puppets of penultimate progress.  Then why do you call his name?  Whomever begat the beginning and began the begetting.  Retroactively saved.  Radioactively shaved.  Seen through the crawling eye.  The one-eyed wonderer wobbled into town.  With the sunset at his back and the western sky on his trunk.  He wore a hat and his name was stenciled in blood and guts into his cavernous chest.  And that name was Thrash.

Barfing sarcophagus.  Thrash or Die is a diet.  Thrash or Diet will not die.  Vomit induced vomit on a Friday night.  Metal Thrashing Muppets.  Muppet Thrashing Mad.  Vomit till we party.  Party like it’s 1929.  Falling into the ever-loving void.  Named after the one who cannot be named.  And that name was Thrash.

Mountains of morbid mosh potatoes mangle a Moshpit Messiah.  WAKE UP!  The Return of the Thrashlord destroys your spinal cord.  WAKE UP!  A fetal flurry of Fatal Fury and the precise precision of Terrorvision.  WAKE UP!  To the sound of  galloping rage that will nuke your ribcage.  WAKE UP!   To the name that will maim and defame the lame all the way to the heavy metal Hall of Fame.  And that name was Thrash.

That canal was rooted in his tooth.  That tooth was rooted in his face.  That face was rooted in his mind.  That mind was rooted in reality.  That reality was rooted in belief.  That belief was rooted in error.  That error was rooted in faith.  That faith was rooted in progress.  That progress was rooted in death.  That death was rooted in name.  And that name was Thrash.  And that name was Thrash or Die.

3540316106_logo

, , , , ,

6 Comments

Former Iron Maiden Singer Paul Di’Anno KOed in Seventh Round by Boxing Kangaroo

Paul_Di'Anno

Last night, Caesar’s Palace was the scene of one of the most anticipated boxing matches in recent memory as Humsy, a boxing kangaroo from Perth, Australia, knocked out former Iron Maiden vocalist Paul Di’Anno with a stunning display of speed and power.  Di’Anno had recorded a 17-1 record over the last five years, with his only loss coming in a controversial twelve round decision last October against a bear.  A victory against Humsy would have given Di’Anno a shot to fight Momo the Giant Narwhal, the current reigning MBF heavyweight champion.

Humsy, a relative newcomer to the metal vocalists versus animals boxing scene, seemed unphased by the boisterous Las Vegas crowd.  He danced around the ring, reminding many reporters of a young Cassius Clay, repeatedly pounding Di’Anno with jabs to the face and chest.  Di’Anno landed several solid blows early, but was worn down by Humsy’s vicious bobbing and weaving as well as his years of drinking Koch’s Golden Anniversary, making bad albums and playing children’s birthday parties.

Humsy Prepares For His Fight With Di'Anno

Humsy Prepares For His Fight With Di’Anno

In the seventh round, Di’Anno lunged clumsily at Humsy with a right hook and was left wide open for a left-hand cross that knocked him to the mat for the fourth and final time.  The man who recorded two of the finest metal records in the history of the genre clutched at the ropes trying to pull himself up, but was never able to get to his feet.  As the ref counted Di’Anno out, Humsy was fed a cookie by his handler as and bounced around the ring to waves of wild cheering from the capacity crowd.

Humsy is already looking at a potential pay-per-view matchup against former, current Queensryche vocalist Geoff Tate in a match that some experts have dubbed “The Fight of the Century”.  Tate, who recently pummeled a seal into a coma during a September fight at SeaWorld, is the number one ranked contender for the heavyweight crown.  Humsy’s trainer Angelo Caprice, however, has indicated he’d be open to fighting lesser known vocalists like Metal Church singer Mike Howe, who has fallen on hard times recently and is so broke he can’t afford to pay attention.

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 Comments

<span>%d</span> bloggers like this: