The Tyranny of Tradition
Posts Tagged Thrash metal
Thrash Or Die Is A Band: Mayonnaise Disciples of Review
Posted by Keith Spillett in Pointless Music Reviews on January 14, 2014
Deep from the hills of Caligula rode a horse with no name. And that name was Thrash. From the bowels of the Everywhere and the end of the Nowhere. Gnarfeling Garthocks from the hills of Montezuma to the fields of Tripoli. Galloping gyrating priapysmic Persepolis of perception. Panopticon of pleasure. Purple people. Eaters. And that name was Thrash.
Open to Track 2012. Truck Turner was a man with a plan and that plan was Panama. And the name of that plan was Thrash. Mountains upon mountains of mayonnaise; wandering Muppets of malfeasance. Pituitary puppets of penultimate progress. Then why do you call his name? Whomever begat the beginning and began the begetting. Retroactively saved. Radioactively shaved. Seen through the crawling eye. The one-eyed wonderer wobbled into town. With the sunset at his back and the western sky on his trunk. He wore a hat and his name was stenciled in blood and guts into his cavernous chest. And that name was Thrash.
Barfing sarcophagus. Thrash or Die is a diet. Thrash or Diet will not die. Vomit induced vomit on a Friday night. Metal Thrashing Muppets. Muppet Thrashing Mad. Vomit till we party. Party like it’s 1929. Falling into the ever-loving void. Named after the one who cannot be named. And that name was Thrash.
Mountains of morbid mosh potatoes mangle a Moshpit Messiah. WAKE UP! The Return of the Thrashlord destroys your spinal cord. WAKE UP! A fetal flurry of Fatal Fury and the precise precision of Terrorvision. WAKE UP! To the sound of galloping rage that will nuke your ribcage. WAKE UP! To the name that will maim and defame the lame all the way to the heavy metal Hall of Fame. And that name was Thrash.
That canal was rooted in his tooth. That tooth was rooted in his face. That face was rooted in his mind. That mind was rooted in reality. That reality was rooted in belief. That belief was rooted in error. That error was rooted in faith. That faith was rooted in progress. That progress was rooted in death. That death was rooted in name. And that name was Thrash. And that name was Thrash or Die.
Caligula, Mayonaise, muhammad ali, surrealist nonsense, Thrash metal, thrash or die
Metal Band Name Reserve To Be Completely Depleted By 2016 Says Department of Interior
Posted by birthad1 in General Weirdness, Totally Useless Information on November 22, 2013
The US Department of the Interior released a statement today, stating that the metal band name reserve is now almost completely depleted. America is quickly running out of metal band names and expects to be totally tapped out by the end of 2016.
“There has been a sharp proliferation of new metal bands in the last five years,” says Department of the Interior Spokesman Peter Hobbs, “and the result is that all the viable names have been expended, far ahead of our original projections.”
Hobbs says the first warning signs came in the form of name recycling and overuse. “We’ve seen cases of reused names despite being already claimed by established bands, along with purposely misspelled variations of names like ‘Nocturnel’, ‘Nockturnal’, or worse. It’s really proving to be a desperate situation. There are 28 bands worldwide named Mortuary, 7 within the United States alone. The time has come to ask how many Disgorges this nation, or this planet for that matter, can support.”
Adding to the crisis is the complete depletion of modifiers “Blood”, “Dark”, and “Black”. Additional alarm spread through the metal community earlier this month as it was discovered that “Grave” and “Funeral” had also been stretched beyond usability.
“At this point, we’ve got to get creative with our resources if we want to have any future metal bands,” asserts Hobbs, “and we need everyone’s cooperation. People must stop naming their bands ‘Goat-anything’ until further notice.”
As an additional precaution, the Department is also declaring an indefinite moratorium on anyone going by the nickname of “Metal Mike”.
Arts and Entertainment, Disgorge, heavy metal, heavy metal music, Mortuary, Thrash metal
Fellow Deranged Wanderers
- 5,482,651 lives ruined
Recent Posts
- Ozzy Checks Into Rehabilitation Center For Addiction To Marzipan
- Wormrot Still “Worst Funeral Drone Doom Band”
- How Jaded Reviewers See Metal Reviews
- Rihanna Signs with Unique Leader Records
- Donald Trump Revealed To Be First Cro-Mags Singer
- Fleshgod Apocalypse Drummer Passes Turing Test
- Abbath Comes Out
- Pokémon GO: Jamey Jasta Caught in Florida for Trespassing
Categories
- Articles I Probably Shouldn't Have Bothered Writing
- Basketball Coaching Nonsense
- BlaK Dan's Theatre of Cruelty
- Blithering Sports Fan Prattle
- Excessive Cruelty Towards Strangers
- Existential Rambings
- General Weirdness
- Health Tips for An Early Death
- HEAVY METAL MUST BE DESTROYED
- Here's Why I Dislike You So Much
- King Diamond For President in 2012
- Mr. Spillett's Academy Of Film Study For The Mentally Tormented
- Notes on Carcass Heartwork
- Parenting Tips For Those With Children
- People Who Were Willing To Speak To Me
- Pointless Music Reviews
- Pointyheaded Highbrow Stuff
- Really Brilliant Things You Should Read But Probably Won't Because You Are A Pantera Fan
- Sunday Funnies
- The Exorcism of Glen Benton
- The One Time I Left The House
- The Poetry of Death
- The Politics Of Catastrophe
- The Resurrection of Michael Jackson
- The Sarah Palin Fiasco
- Totally Useless Information
- Uncategorized
- UnMusic
Archives
- November 2017
- October 2016
- September 2016
- August 2016
- July 2016
- June 2016
- May 2016
- January 2016
- December 2015
- October 2015
- September 2015
- August 2015
- July 2015
- June 2015
- May 2015
- April 2015
- March 2015
- February 2015
- January 2015
- December 2014
- November 2014
- October 2014
- September 2014
- August 2014
- July 2014
- June 2014
- May 2014
- April 2014
- March 2014
- February 2014
- January 2014
- December 2013
- November 2013
- October 2013
- September 2013
- August 2013
- July 2013
- June 2013
- May 2013
- April 2013
- March 2013
- February 2013
- October 2012
- September 2012
- July 2012
- June 2012
- May 2012
- April 2012
- March 2012
- February 2012
- January 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- October 2011
- September 2011
- August 2011
- July 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- April 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
Top Posts & Pages
- Former Night Court Star Richard Moll Introduced As New Vocalist For Napalm Death
- Morgan Freeman Slated To Play King Diamond In New Film
- About The Tyranny of Tradition
- Dissecting CARCASS' Heartwork-Seventh Incision....Arbeit Macht Fleisch
- The Curious Case of Tommy James and The Shondells
- Danzig Gives Birth To Identical Twin Girls
- Danzig To Sue Everyone On Earth
- Kate Middleton Pregnant With Spawn of Satan; Venom Singer “Uncle Cronos" Invited To Baptism
- Manowar: The Undisputed Kings of Comedy
- George Clooney Agrees to Buy Bones of Bathory’s Quorthon For 1.6 Million Dollars
Words
Abbath art Atlanta barack obama Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories baseball basketball Black metal Black Sabbath Burzum Carcass Cronos Danzig dave mustaine death Deicide existential dread existentialism fear freedom Glenn Danzig God Health Heartwork heavy metal heavy metal music Hipsters Human Humor Iron Maiden James Hetfield Jeffrey Walker Jeff Walker Judas Priest Kerry King King Diamond King Diamond For President in 2012 Lars Ulrich Lemmy liberty Manowar Marshall McLuhan megadeth Mercyful Fate Metal Metallica Mitt Romney Morbid Angel Music NBA Ozzy Ozzy Osbourne Pantera Phil Anselmo philosophy politics President Religion and Spirituality Republican Richard Nixon Rick Santorum Ronald Reagan Satan Shopping silkk the shocker Slayer suffering Sweden terrorism Testament Tony Iommi United States Varg Vikernes Venom weird