Posts Tagged trump
Dave Mustaine, Jon Schaffer Led Metal Supergroup MAGAdeth Unite To Headline Trump’s Second Inaugural Ball
Posted by Keith Spillett in General Weirdness on January 18, 2025
In a bold stunning act of remarkable leadership, President-Elect Donald Trump has announced that he will begin his second term rocking out to the music of two all-time heavy metal greats together on the stage for the first time. One of Trump’s major campaign promises during his most recent campaign has been to “have the most metal Presidency of all time”. So, our great leader has seized on the Inaugural Ball to “Make America Metal Again” by putting together a show for the ages.
What do you mean I’m playing the Inaugural Ball?
Former Metallica guitarist Dave Mustaine has always been a favorite musician of the President-Elect. Trump once claimed to own every single Megadeth album on vinyl and has seen his band play at least 30 times, including driving his vintage 1988 I-Roc for 35 consecutive hours to get from New York City to Phoenix, Arizona because he had heard rumors the band planned to do a rare performance of the song “Killing is My Business…and Business Is Good” during their encore. On the campaign trail, Trump often would send his audience into raucous screams of joy by ripping off his shirt and revealing his Vic Rattlehead chest tattoo.
While our dynamic and magnificent leader has been a Megadeth fan since he first heard them in middle school, he has only recently warmed to Iced Earth. He seemed to enjoy some of the band’s music, occasionally praising the album “Horrorshow” publicly, but many Americans questioned his commitment to the band after he referred to them as a “second-tier metal act” during the 2018 State of the Union address, a comment that drew rare boos from fellow Republican lawmakers as well as from the filthy and degenerate members of the Democratic Party. However, in recent months, Trump has begun meetings with his future Cabinet members by playing “Night of The Stormrider” in its entirety before allowing them to speak. He even did a campaign stop in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania in order to pay his respects to the thirty minute “Gettysburg” Trilogy on the classic Iced Earth album “The Glorious Burden”.
Schaffer, who has recently struggled with irresponsible attacks by the highly partisan American judicial system, hasn’t performed in Washington DC since 2021. In recent months, Schaffer has been a fixture at Mar-a-Lago, advising the president on a wide range of issues from drop C tuning to monetary policy. Some insiders have speculated that he is on the President-Elect’s shortlist of potential replacements for Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell when his term expires in 2026. Trump has even hinted a change at the Fed could be coming sooner if the price of milk does not drop below forty dollars a gallon by the end of the year.
Regardless of what role Schaffer and Mustaine will have in the new administration, the incoming President has made a strong statement by combining these two metal heavyweights to cap off the evening’s celebration. Initially, The Village People and Billy Ray Cyrus were scheduled as co-headliners, but the President-Elect insisted that the celebration be a reflection of the old school metal vibe he plans to bring to this great nation.
To round out this fearsome quartet, Trump has called upon System of a Down drummer John Dolmayan and future Ambassador to Israel and bassist Mike Huckabee. There has even been speculation that conservative guitar legend and incoming Secretary of Defense Ted Nugent might join the band on stage for a show-stopping solo during the encore.
The group has been feverishly working secretly for the past few weeks in preparation for the event. This was a challenge for each band member, but for Schaffer in particular, who is not only a musician but an entrepreneur. He recently founded Maced Earth, a company that sells a wide range of hunting equipment including bear spray, stunguns and guillotines. But, these Americans put our great nation above all else in order to give the best performance they can on January 20th, a day so important many Americans have demanded it be made into a holiday.
Special Thanks To The Pollunator Gonkulator for his reporting
Trump Defends Action Bronson; Rips Ghostface Killah
Posted by Keith Spillett in Uncategorized on July 22, 2015
Presidential candidate Donald Trump might be a stranger to rap music, but he is no stranger to controversy. That’s why few were surprised that Trump has gotten himself involved in the heated feud between rap icon Ghostface Killah and Action Bronson.
At a speech sponsored by the Georgia branch of the John Birch Society, Trump leapt to the defense of Bronson. “One of the most important cultural figures in America today is Action Bronson. I’ll never forget when I first saw the movie ‘Death Wish’ back in the 1970s. I thought to myself, ‘There is a man that understands how the justice system in America should work!’”
Trump went on to praise Bronson’s war record. “Not only did he serve heroically under the brilliant military mind of Lee Marvin, he fought side-by-side with great Americans like Ernest Borgnine and George Kennedy during what many thought would be a suicide mission against Nazi forces in World War 2.”
He was inspired to get involved in this rap battle after seeing a Bronson’s picture on the news yesterday. “He looks awful. He’s gained weight. He looks like he hasn’t shaved or bathed in months. He could be selling pencils at the airport. The so-called ‘Ghostface Killah’ should not talk about a great American the way he has.”
Trump took umbrage with Ghostface’s Youtube rant against Bronson calling it “tasteless”.
“I watched your little Youtube program yesterday, Ghostface. Listened to you make shameful and tasteless remarks with the beautiful music of Teddy Pendergrass playing behind you. If Teddy were here today, Ghostface, he’d have stood up and knocked some sense into you.”
Trump even made veiled threats against the rapper to the delight of the crowd. “If I become President, I’ll have at my disposal thousands of people willing to do disappearing acts for me. How’s the CIA for starters, Ghostface?”
He finished by taunting the rapper to thunderous applause from the crowd. “I went to one of his shows once because someone told me Tony Stark was playing. When I saw it wasn’t Robert Downey Jr. flying around in a metal suit, blowing things up, I left.”
“People say he’s a New York rapper. I’m from New York. He’s from Staten Island. Do you know what we call Staten Island in New York, Ghostface? New Jersey!”
“Where’s your “Art of The Deal”, Ghostface? Where’s your casinos? Where’s your reality TV show? Where’s your plaque in the WWE Hall of Fame? “
Ghostface Killah has yet to comment on Trump’s scathing attack.
The Tyranny of Tradition 