Posts Tagged Country Club

Billionaire Sheldon Adelson to Open Exclusive Black Metal Only Golf Course and Country Club

In a move designed to give committed black metal fans a break from having to spend time around people who consider Dimmu Borgir a true black metal band, billionaire casino owner and former Marduk bassist Sheldon Adelson plans to open the world’s first black metal only golf course and country club.  The club will be meant to provide recreational and networking opportunities to those who are true to the cause of real black metal.  The club will not allow any fake metal posers to join or even play as guests.

Adelson, a multi-million dollar contributor to political campaigns and groups that deal with social issues, has always felt that the cause of black metal elitism was close to his heart.  He has given over 12 million dollars to Black Metal Listeners for Decency, a group that has lobbied the US Congress for several years in order to pass a law that force music retailers to only sell black metal albums to those who can provide valid proof of metal purity.  Proof would include a signed letter from Fenriz, pictures of the person burning down a church or skull fragments from Euronymous.

The country club, set on 300 plush acres in the hills of North Carolina, will feature a course designed by legendary golf architect Robert Trent Jones.  In spite of the traditional location and set up, the club will feature some unique and somewhat bizarre rules.  Only those in corpse paint will be allowed to enter the clubhouse.  In order to play the course, members must wear golf spikes as well as an authentic tour shirt from a black metal concert that took place before 1994.  The only languages that will be spoken at the club will be Old Norse or Burzamtine, a language developed by Varg Vikernes during his time in prison.

Several poser rights groups have come out in opposition to creating a country club that practices discrimination.  Arnold Vespesian, Director of Posers For Equality, and 100 of his followers have descended on North Carolina Sunday and began protesting the opening of the club.  Vespasian is appalled that in this day and age a country club could be allowed to restrict its members based on their taste in music.  “After all, aren’t people supposed to be judged on the content of their character, not the contents of their IPod?  This is America!”  announced Vespasian to a cheering group of kids in Cradle of Filth shirts outside of a Hot Topic in Charlotte’s Northlake Mall.

In spite of the protests, the course is still on track for a Spring 2013 opening.  The course opening is expected to be attended by some of the top names in black metal and golf including Secthdamon, Tiger Woods and Destructhor.

Black Metal God Sheldon Adelson

Black Metal God Sheldon Adelson

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