In a story that may set the entire metal world on its ear, several sources have speculated that Pantera may reunite to play a series of shows in 2013. Pantera, whose seminal Vulgar Display of Power record turned 20 this year, have been broken up since 2003. The band was a major force in heavy metal, topping the billboard album charts in 1994 with their release Far Beyond Driven. A Pantera reunion would, no doubt, be the concert event of 2013, if not of this decade.
The rumors began during a conversation last week between my friend Matt and I. We were discussing the merits of “The Great Southern Trendkill” and I mentioned, “Wouldn’t it be great if they got back together!?!?!”
Matt replied, “Yeah! I’d travel anywhere in the country to see them, but Vinny and Phil are on really bad terms since Dime died. No chance.”
I looked at Matt and said, “But there would a lot of money on the table. A whole lot of money. My cousin Johnny ate a bag of thumbtacks once for 20 dollars. He ended up having to have surgery and now he can’t drink milk or ginger ale. He was never right afterwards. Sometimes, he acts like he’s a pirate and digs enormous holes in his backyard looking for treasure. He even makes fake treasure maps and ‘finds’ them in strange places that he hid them hours earlier. The point is, this Pantera reunion can happen if someone, like maybe the Koch Brothers or George Soros or somebody big puts about 100 million in front of them. That sort of cash moves mountains.”
Paulie Reznik, the guy we hired to fix the hole in our roof from last week’s storm, confirmed that a Pantera reunion could happen. “It could happen, man. For sure,” said Paulie, a diehard Pantera fan and owner of nearly 300 heavy metal bobblehead dolls, in a recent interview with Tyranny of Tradition.
However, my wife adamantly denied the possibility of a Pantera tour. She claimed that the rumors are baseless, that I had skipped a dosage of my medication again and that I was ‘allegedly’ pretending that things that I make up are really happening. “Honey, why don’t you go lay down for a while? You’re doing that thing where you are confusing fantasy and reality. Remember last month you thought Picasso had come back from the grave and told you to spray paint the cat orange and speak only in Aramaic? That wasn’t true either. You just need some rest.”
Pantera, for their part, have yet to comment on the rumors. Often, when a person or group refuses to confirm or deny a story it is because there is some truth to it. Where there is smoke there is fire, or so the saying goes. If Pantera continues to refuse to comment on the rumors that I am making up, you can pretty much bet your life savings that they will be back on the stage in 2013. Sometimes silence speaks volumes.
March 5th, 2012 at 11:37 AM
I strongly dislike Pantera, but I strongly appreciate wild tales of thumbtack created backyard piracy and the abstract paths we follow in life and how they give creedence to our need to fix the washing machine just because the kangaroo in the next room flipped the toaster out the window and struck the banana tree.
March 5th, 2012 at 12:32 PM
I hope it happens before December. It’s a well-known fact that we’ll all die a horrible death on Dec 21 as the world gets sucked into a black hole created by the LHC *shakes fist at Europe*. Get them presents early, guys!
March 7th, 2012 at 1:41 PM
Nothing like a tour of soups, salads, sandwiches, breads, and baked goods.
March 7th, 2012 at 8:01 PM
Pantera has a super tomato and cheese panini as well.
March 9th, 2012 at 5:03 PM
panini’s should be enjoyed by all.
March 9th, 2012 at 5:04 PM
I also strongly dislike pantera these days too. But I cannot deny the influence they had on my early metal listening career.
March 10th, 2012 at 8:31 AM
That is some of the funniest stuff I have read in a very long time! I nearly choked on my morning wake n bake bowl!! The cat that wrote this is utterly brilliant! I think it’s gonna be more like the 10 year anniversary of Dime’s death that Vinnie Paul comes to the table and at least in public view puts and end to the feud with Philip and Rex and give the fans what they want, for just one last gig… to bring back Pantera w/ a bunch of Darrell’s favorite guitarists filling in for him!!! \m/\m/
March 10th, 2012 at 9:08 AM
Thanks sir! It’s particularly an honor to get that from you because I’m very into your site.
March 11th, 2012 at 5:10 AM
You are all idiots if you don’t like Pantera why are you reading this or looking it up? Pantera did things that no metal band has come close to since they took metal to a place that rivals all this so called metal crap that is being pumped out these days. So go some where else with your fake ass wanna be metal crap and be happy with it and leave really metal alone you couldn’t handle it any way. It would be awesome to see Pantera together even though it won’t be the same without Dime but if they got Zakk Wylde that would be cool. Who knows we shall see.
March 16th, 2012 at 1:56 PM
I thought 311 was Pantera’s side project. I didn’t really like them, Dimebag or not.
April 29th, 2012 at 8:24 AM
It would be a Milestone But they would be missing the greatest part of the band like it would be Phil, Rex,Vinnie, And Zakk that wouldn’t go well together. No Dime-No PanterA