A Sadomasochistic Review of Sigh “In Somniphobia”

All that is left in my world is Sigh’s new album “In Somniphobia”.  I love it.  I can’t stop playing it.  Over and over and over and over again.  I love it so much I want to rip off my shirt and paint the letters S-I-G-H across my chest and run around the local Walgreens screaming at the top of my lungs. I want to beat myself over the head repeatedly with a claw hammer until I do such severe damage to my hippocampus that I forget I’ve heard the album just so I can have the pleasure of experiencing it again for the first time.  I long to leap off of a bell tower screaming the lyrics at the horrified spectators.  I dream of ripping each of my teeth out and sending it to members of the band to thank them for all the joy they have brought to me.

My love for it transcends all possible love I could experience.  I want to go to a beautiful meadow, set out a picnic blanket and caress the album telling it all the things I know in my heart and have been afraid to say.  I want to run through a field with it in my arms, laughing girlishly, dancing to the wonderful sounds of the wind whipping through the grass.  I want to whisper lovingly into the albums ear, telling it my deepest secrets and most personal desires.  Surrender unconditionally to its alluring charms.  Bathe it in pure, unadulterated affection.

I feel jealous that others will have the chance to hear this album.  When I think of others listening to this album I am filled with rage.  I will kill them.  I will grind their bones into dust.  It is my album.  Mine!  Their love is cheap and tawdry while mine is filled with the sincerity and innocence of a child.  They cannot feel what I feel for this album.  They are mere mortals while I have been imbued with the gift of second sight by the god Amen-Ra.  They live shallow, meaningless lives.  Their love will flicker and fade the minute something else comes along.  My attraction will never fade, no matter what happens.  If nuclear bombs reign down on the city of Atlanta and all around me is melted and disintegrated, the only thing left will be my boney, skeletal fingers embracing the album, stroking its brow.

Don’t listen to the album.  You and the mortals around you don’t deserve it. I’ll know if you are listening to it because I’m in front of your house right now.  Watching you.  I was at the supermarket yesterday when you bought two bags of pork rinds for 2 dollars and 28 cents. I saw you stop at the gas station and get approximately 8 gallons of gas.  I know that you stopped in Hot Topic at 3:45 just to look around.  You didn’t buy anything.  I am watching you all the time.  Even as you sleep.  If you dare to listen to this album, I will tie you to a chair and feed you hundreds of pounds cheese dip until either your stomach bursts or your entire body explodes.

I’d give it a 2,389,124 out of 10.  I am currently in the process of undergoing a medical procedure to add an additional thumb so I can give it 3 thumbs up.   There will never be anything better.  Music as we know it is over.  People should not even bother to try to create anything else.  This is the pinnacle, the zenith, the apogee, the climax of all civilization.  It is the Hanging Gardens, the Taj Mahal, the Great Pyramid of Giza, the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus.  There is no future, there is no past, there is only Sigh’ “In Somniphobia”.

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  1. #1 by Jim Wheeler on March 2, 2012 - 4:45 PM

    Uh, Keith, I think you might have watched too many post-award speeches at the Oscars lately. 😆 😆 😆

    Is the picture their cover art? Never saw it before – bizarre, but fascinating. Hieronymus Bosch, maybe?

    • #2 by Keith Spillett on March 2, 2012 - 4:56 PM

      Yeah, I loved that as well. It does favor Mr. Bosch’s work a bit.

  2. #3 by victoriagrimalkin on March 2, 2012 - 6:34 PM

    Definitely like the art, and I guess you love the album (or are you being ironic again?). Never heard of the group, but I am currently enjoying a phase of insomnia, so perhaps I might relate to the theme.

    • #4 by Keith Spillett on March 2, 2012 - 6:54 PM

      All kidding aside, it’s really a great record. The sarcasm in the review is more geared towards my feeling that it is really hard to write a review that is original. I felt like the album deserved something as surreal as it sounded. I figured I’d try to write the most absurdly upbeat, but utterly terrifying thing I could think of. Sort of like Mark Chapman reviewing a Beatles album. Anyway, you should check it out, it’s some of the most unique songwriting I’ve ever heard.

      • #5 by victoriagrimalkin on March 2, 2012 - 7:13 PM

        Thanks, Keith. I did and I do, but please don’t stalk me now since I “liked” Sigh on Facebook. Beautiful instrumentation, although I am not fond of death metal vocal style, being a Nightwish, Kamelot and Seventh Wonder fancier (pussy metal?)

      • #6 by Keith Spillett on March 2, 2012 - 7:35 PM

        I dig that stuff myself. I’m on a major Hawkwind kick right now, which is like wearing a Lady Gaga tee-shirt to a Santorum rally in this here hardboiled world’o’metal. Have no fear, my stalking days are behind me. 35 restraining orders are more than any man should have to deal with.

  3. #7 by Universe Number Five on March 2, 2012 - 7:34 PM

    Good Lord bro… reckon I better get this thing pronto!

  4. #9 by Johnny Ringo on March 3, 2012 - 6:24 AM

    “If you dare to listen to this album, I will tie you to a chair and feed you hundreds of pounds cheese dip until either your stomach bursts or your entire body explodes.” i listened to this album just so this would happen, but you haven’t shown up yet 😦

  5. #11 by jaxpress on March 4, 2012 - 4:16 PM

    Be jealous if you like – as reading your post encouraged me to go check them out. They have a really interesting sound, I can understand your fascination.

    • #12 by Keith Spillett on March 4, 2012 - 4:18 PM

      I’ve never heard anything quite like them before!

      • #13 by jaxpress on March 4, 2012 - 4:34 PM

        That’s how I felt when I first heard Muse – literally mind-blowing sound.

      • #14 by Keith Spillett on March 4, 2012 - 4:41 PM

        I dig them as well!

  6. #15 by Varg Vikernes on March 5, 2012 - 8:27 PM

    ive started listening to them about a month ago. now im convinced they are the greatest band in history, and the greatest band that will ever come about.

  7. #17 by trance on July 8, 2013 - 11:39 AM

    I know exactly what you mean. Now you must die so that I may live with In Somniphobia

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