Posts Tagged Thrash metal
Dave Mustaine, Jon Schaffer Led Metal Supergroup MAGAdeth Unite To Headline Trump’s Second Inaugural Ball
Posted by Keith Spillett in General Weirdness on January 18, 2025
In a bold stunning act of remarkable leadership, President-Elect Donald Trump has announced that he will begin his second term rocking out to the music of two all-time heavy metal greats together on the stage for the first time. One of Trump’s major campaign promises during his most recent campaign has been to “have the most metal Presidency of all time”. So, our great leader has seized on the Inaugural Ball to “Make America Metal Again” by putting together a show for the ages.
What do you mean I’m playing the Inaugural Ball?
Former Metallica guitarist Dave Mustaine has always been a favorite musician of the President-Elect. Trump once claimed to own every single Megadeth album on vinyl and has seen his band play at least 30 times, including driving his vintage 1988 I-Roc for 35 consecutive hours to get from New York City to Phoenix, Arizona because he had heard rumors the band planned to do a rare performance of the song “Killing is My Business…and Business Is Good” during their encore. On the campaign trail, Trump often would send his audience into raucous screams of joy by ripping off his shirt and revealing his Vic Rattlehead chest tattoo.
While our dynamic and magnificent leader has been a Megadeth fan since he first heard them in middle school, he has only recently warmed to Iced Earth. He seemed to enjoy some of the band’s music, occasionally praising the album “Horrorshow” publicly, but many Americans questioned his commitment to the band after he referred to them as a “second-tier metal act” during the 2018 State of the Union address, a comment that drew rare boos from fellow Republican lawmakers as well as from the filthy and degenerate members of the Democratic Party. However, in recent months, Trump has begun meetings with his future Cabinet members by playing “Night of The Stormrider” in its entirety before allowing them to speak. He even did a campaign stop in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania in order to pay his respects to the thirty minute “Gettysburg” Trilogy on the classic Iced Earth album “The Glorious Burden”.
Schaffer, who has recently struggled with irresponsible attacks by the highly partisan American judicial system, hasn’t performed in Washington DC since 2021. In recent months, Schaffer has been a fixture at Mar-a-Lago, advising the president on a wide range of issues from drop C tuning to monetary policy. Some insiders have speculated that he is on the President-Elect’s shortlist of potential replacements for Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell when his term expires in 2026. Trump has even hinted a change at the Fed could be coming sooner if the price of milk does not drop below forty dollars a gallon by the end of the year.
Regardless of what role Schaffer and Mustaine will have in the new administration, the incoming President has made a strong statement by combining these two metal heavyweights to cap off the evening’s celebration. Initially, The Village People and Billy Ray Cyrus were scheduled as co-headliners, but the President-Elect insisted that the celebration be a reflection of the old school metal vibe he plans to bring to this great nation.
To round out this fearsome quartet, Trump has called upon System of a Down drummer John Dolmayan and future Ambassador to Israel and bassist Mike Huckabee. There has even been speculation that conservative guitar legend and incoming Secretary of Defense Ted Nugent might join the band on stage for a show-stopping solo during the encore.
The group has been feverishly working secretly for the past few weeks in preparation for the event. This was a challenge for each band member, but for Schaffer in particular, who is not only a musician but an entrepreneur. He recently founded Maced Earth, a company that sells a wide range of hunting equipment including bear spray, stunguns and guillotines. But, these Americans put our great nation above all else in order to give the best performance they can on January 20th, a day so important many Americans have demanded it be made into a holiday.
Special Thanks To The Pollunator Gonkulator for his reporting
Thrash Or Die Is A Band: Mayonnaise Disciples of Review
Posted by Keith Spillett in Pointless Music Reviews on January 14, 2014
Deep from the hills of Caligula rode a horse with no name. And that name was Thrash. From the bowels of the Everywhere and the end of the Nowhere. Gnarfeling Garthocks from the hills of Montezuma to the fields of Tripoli. Galloping gyrating priapysmic Persepolis of perception. Panopticon of pleasure. Purple people. Eaters. And that name was Thrash.
Open to Track 2012. Truck Turner was a man with a plan and that plan was Panama. And the name of that plan was Thrash. Mountains upon mountains of mayonnaise; wandering Muppets of malfeasance. Pituitary puppets of penultimate progress. Then why do you call his name? Whomever begat the beginning and began the begetting. Retroactively saved. Radioactively shaved. Seen through the crawling eye. The one-eyed wonderer wobbled into town. With the sunset at his back and the western sky on his trunk. He wore a hat and his name was stenciled in blood and guts into his cavernous chest. And that name was Thrash.
Barfing sarcophagus. Thrash or Die is a diet. Thrash or Diet will not die. Vomit induced vomit on a Friday night. Metal Thrashing Muppets. Muppet Thrashing Mad. Vomit till we party. Party like it’s 1929. Falling into the ever-loving void. Named after the one who cannot be named. And that name was Thrash.
Mountains of morbid mosh potatoes mangle a Moshpit Messiah. WAKE UP! The Return of the Thrashlord destroys your spinal cord. WAKE UP! A fetal flurry of Fatal Fury and the precise precision of Terrorvision. WAKE UP! To the sound of galloping rage that will nuke your ribcage. WAKE UP! To the name that will maim and defame the lame all the way to the heavy metal Hall of Fame. And that name was Thrash.
That canal was rooted in his tooth. That tooth was rooted in his face. That face was rooted in his mind. That mind was rooted in reality. That reality was rooted in belief. That belief was rooted in error. That error was rooted in faith. That faith was rooted in progress. That progress was rooted in death. That death was rooted in name. And that name was Thrash. And that name was Thrash or Die.
The Tyranny of Tradition 