Louie Gohmert has taken on a lot of brutal adversaries in his time on Capitol Hill. His bravery in the face of so-called “terror babies” and “radical Islamists who are trained to act Hispanic” have made him a pillar of the American Right. Now, he’s turning his energies to fight against a problem that he believes is “the greatest threat to the health and safety of America’s youth”. That problem, according to Gohmert, is the mosh pit.
In a press conference on Monday, Gohmert spoke in depth about “the recent phenomena referred to as ‘pitting’ by young people”. Gohmert claimed that thousands of young people are injured or killed everyday in this “circle of ungodliness”.
He went on to discuss stories he had heard of mosh pits breaking out not just at heavy metal concerts, but also in daycare centers and hospital emergency rooms. He told the story of an unnamed 87-year-old woman who was crushed to death when a mosh pit broke at a Perkins restaurant on Seniors Pay What They Weigh Night last month in White Bear Lake, Minnesota. “What happens to the innocent when they are caught in a mosh? Who speaks for them!” Gohmert thundered to reporters.
In a Fox News interview yesterday, Gohmert took his anti-moshing rhetoric a step further. “If you know your Bible, you would know that the Book of Numbers 16:30 clearly states ‘they that go down quickly into the pit; shall understand that they have provoked the Lord.’ Men and women who enter mosh pits are sinful and are, in fact, provoking God’s wrath. Pitting violates God’s law.”
Gohmert concluded the interview by claiming that, while most people think that heavy metal fans created the mosh pit, it is actually based on Sufi dervish dancing. “People may not realize this, but wild, dangerous Sufi dancing is part of the Muslim tradition. The same tradition that has declared war on the West and its Christian values. While metal fans think they are simply pitting to noisy, violent music, they are, in fact, praising a God worshipped by people who want to destroy us.”
While Gohmert believes that passing anti-pit laws is not the solution to this national crisis, he does see a viable alternative. “If you want to stop pits from breaking out, the quickest, most effective solution is the widespread distribution of M4 assault rifles to all red-blooded, patriotic Americans. If every good, God-loving man, woman and child carried one at all times, we would be safe from these heavy metal hooligans.”
#1 by Universe Number Five on June 13, 2013 - 8:00 AM
This is the guy who once showed very vocal support for Oklahoma’s law banning “Duck Duck Goose”. I’m not surprised.
Can you do… the Milano Sufi Dervish???
#2 by Jim Wheeler on June 13, 2013 - 8:37 AM
Wow, Louie has tackled a complex problem this time! I hope he’s aware of the root cause of why moshing has become ever more dangerous. Yes, oh yes, it’s texting while moshing!
#3 by Keith Spillett on June 13, 2013 - 8:40 AM
HA! Yessir. A threat to this great nation of ours if there ever was one!
#4 by mirkinfirkin on June 13, 2013 - 12:13 PM
Numbers, eh? Well, let’s see what Genesis has to say about it:
1. And when Abram was ninety years old and nine, the LORD appeared to Abram, and said unto him: ‘I am God Almighty; walk before Me, and be thou wholehearted.
2. And I will make My covenant between Me and thee, and will multiply thee exceedingly.’
3. And Abram fell on his face; and God talked with him, saying:
4. ‘As for Me, behold, My covenant is with thee, and thou shalt be the father of a multitude of nations.
5. Neither shall thy name any more be called Abram, but thy name shall be Abraham; for the father of a multitude of nations have I made thee.
6. And I will make thee exceeding fruitful, and I will make nations of thee, and kings shall come out of thee.
7. And I will establish My covenant between Me and thee and thy seed after thee throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be a God unto thee and to thy seed after thee.
8. And I will give unto thee, and to thy seed after thee, the land of thy sojournings, all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession; and I will be their God.’
9. And God said unto Abraham: ‘And as for thee, thou shalt keep My covenant, thou, and thy seed after thee throughout their generations.
10. This is My covenant, which ye shall keep, between Me and you and thy seed after thee: every male among you shall Mosh in the pit.
11. And ye shall Mosh in the pit, whether it be at a concert of music, at places of eating or in places of healing, ye shall Mosh as it is required and when it is required, ye shall Mosh; and it shall be a token of a covenant betwixt Me and you.
12 And he that is eight days old shall Mosh among you, every male throughout your generations, he that is born in the house, or bought with money of any foreigner, that is not of thy seed.
13 He that is born in thy house, and he that is bought with thy money, must needs Mosh; and My covenant shall be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant.
14 And the unMoshing male who is does not Mosh, that soul shall be cut off from his people; he hath broken My covenant.’
How d’ya like THEM apples, Louie, Louie?
#5 by Keith Spillett on June 13, 2013 - 12:14 PM
Ha!!!! This is awesome!
#6 by mirkinfirkin on June 13, 2013 - 12:32 PM
Of course it is – it’s the Bible, my Son.
#7 by goldfish on June 13, 2013 - 1:32 PM
Of course, this new-fangled pit fad is a dangerous national crisis against all old people and family values. If you know your Bible, you would know that Leviticus 11:7-8 clearly states that ham sandwiches are evil. Ham sandwiches are dangerous to family values!! UNCLEAN.
Shut that gaping maw, Gohmert. The minute you set foot in a pit, you can start complaining about them.
#8 by Keith Spillett on June 13, 2013 - 2:11 PM
“Shut that gaping maw, Gohmert” made me laugh at a ridiculous volume.
#9 by goldfish on June 13, 2013 - 2:21 PM
Well, it is rather gaping. 🙂
#10 by Anonymous on December 14, 2013 - 11:05 PM
#11 by Janae on June 13, 2013 - 2:08 PM
Is this even for real?? This had to be a Onion article? Right? Please!?!
#12 by Dave on June 19, 2013 - 5:28 PM
It’s a Tyranny article. Can’t you read the masthead?
#13 by Kevin on June 14, 2013 - 2:18 AM
Is this a real story? Can’t be…
#14 by sam on June 14, 2013 - 2:42 PM
What an idiot. His mother should have had an abortion.
#15 by Delirious Gonad on June 15, 2013 - 7:13 AM
‘they that go down quickly into the pit; shall understand that they have provoked the Lord.’ Comedy gold!
#16 by Lunchbox October on June 15, 2013 - 9:05 AM
I cannot find any supporting sources for this story, if there are any please provide them, as such I cannot find any record of the press conference from Monday, the Fox interview, or any record of a woman being crushed in a mosh pit at a Perkins restaurant in Minnesota.
#17 by Amanda Bynes on June 15, 2013 - 3:16 PM
this guy is obviously an idiot. our music scene brings people together, we dont get into the pit with the intention of hurting someone. its another form of dancing. its just what we do. we’re not “violating god’s law” we are doing what makes us happy. dancing is a form of self expression.
#18 by lexxie on June 23, 2013 - 4:42 PM
Stupid ass moshing is fun!!!!
#19 by EddieLee on June 23, 2013 - 9:19 PM
You can not be serious. This man is an idiot. Other than a few extreme situations moshing is really not all that dangerous. And hiding behind your god does not make you right.
#20 by Bryan Black on June 23, 2013 - 9:36 PM
#21 by Garrett Maynor on June 24, 2013 - 12:16 AM
I play in a metal band. Called “An Oath to Prevail.” Never once have I played a show where people intend to actually hurt someone. Granted, it does happen. But this nonsense about how pitting is ungodly. Just makes me laugh. God gave me the passion to do what I do. And I thank him everyday for it. And I feel like the fans that come out to thw shows should be allowed to express themselves in whatever way they feel.
#22 by London Smith on June 24, 2013 - 1:07 PM
He’s forgetting something important. 2-stepping. I need to read what Numbers says about 2-stepping. Are stage dives okay? Pile ons??
Also, if a law was actually passed, the Texas hardcore scene would probably mosh more, if I know those gents at all. I’d help protest.
#23 by Austin Brugger on June 24, 2013 - 6:11 PM
… You do know that Muslims worship the Abrhamic god the same one as the Christan… Let me guess you believe that Catholics aren’t Christians too
#24 by Sam on July 17, 2015 - 6:20 PM
Actually they are not the same .The Hebrew God ( God of Israel ) his name is Yahweh. The god of Islam is Baal, is a demon.
#25 by Keith Spillett on July 17, 2015 - 8:07 PM
Thanks for clearing that up! 🙂
#26 by Prisila on June 24, 2013 - 8:29 PM
“heavy metal hooligans.” His ignorance is cleanly shown by his rude comments towards the concert scene. When you enter a pit/wall of death you go at your own risk , nobody is obligating you to go. Plus his accusations are irrelevant he is just using verses of the bible to back his statement and of them “breaking in daycare centers and hospital emergency rooms”. He has to understand that somebody in his right mind would know that there’s a time and place for that and not every single mosher would do such a thing, you don’t see such acts “everyday”. Yes God is a big part but if I was to talk about something like this I would state facts and not base everything with religion.
#27 by greg howard on June 25, 2013 - 7:51 AM
and americans wonder the rest of the world think americans are retarded
#28 by Finger Burner on December 14, 2013 - 5:41 PM
That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life. This guy needs to resign, he does not belong in politics
#29 by rthrthy on December 15, 2013 - 3:28 PM
I agree with the very last sentence. We should all have guns.
#30 by Every Record Tells A Story on March 25, 2014 - 4:00 PM
I love some of these replies..
Slightly worried it is getting hard to tell what’s satire when it comes to Fox News….even when it smacks you hard around the face.
Keep up the great work!
#31 by Keith Spillett on March 25, 2014 - 4:42 PM
I’m pretty sure there is no difference anymore. We are in the Wild West. Reality is back east somewhere withering away and decaying. I’m all for it. I never liked reality anyway. The human condition is way to tragic to approach with any degree of honesty.
#32 by Every Record Tells A Story on March 25, 2014 - 4:44 PM
Congratulations on your coverage of the Slayer article by the way. Very gratifying.
#33 by Keith Spillett on March 25, 2014 - 5:25 PM
Ha!!!! Yeah…that was weird.
#34 by Keith Spillett on March 25, 2014 - 4:43 PM
I’m glad you dug the article though! I don’t mean to sound too much like Dostoyevsky’s annoying younger brother….