I’m sitting on the side of the road on a stormy October morning. The clock reads 3:52. My car is bathed in a flood of ominous blue police lights from the car behind me. My speakers are pinned on 50 blaring “Holiday in Dystopia”, the new record from Lion Splicer. Suddenly, a loud knock on the window….
Officer: License and registration.
Me: I was listen to the new Lion Splicer record, Officer. It’s quite good. They shown some genuine progress from their earlier stuff and I already thought that was pretty excellent. They’re really thrashy with a punk rock edge. They remind me a lot of the stuff that used to be on K Records years back like Karp and Fitz of Depression…..
Officer: License….and registration.
Me: I don’t know what you think of the whole crossover scene, but I really dig it. Lion Splicer has moments where they remind me of D.R.I. or, if you are a bit younger, Municipal Waste. It’s never been my favorite scene, but when it’s done well, it’s a lot of fun to listen to. Great party music. The song they have on this record called “The Whip” really gets into the spirit of….
Officer: Listen Son. I just need your license and registration.
Me: I understand that. One of the things that really grabs me about “Holiday in Dystopia” is the band’s willingness to mix in genres you wouldn’t expect. I know a lot of bands today do that, but they really have a knack for how to make it work. The solo on the first song “Jezebel” sounds like something off of a Dick Dale and The Deltones record. Pure surf. I was blown away when I…..
Officer: Okay Son, I’ve had about enough of this talk about this Lion Slicer band….
Me: Lion Splicer. I’ve been assured by the band that they mean no harm towards animals. Particularly lions. They love lions and mean to use their music to….
Officer: Whatever. Listen, I’m not interested in whatever this is you are trying to talk to me about. You were doing 79 in a 35. That’s the issue, Son.
Me: No, no, I understand. I just think that if you went to the bands Bandcamp site and check them out, you wouldn’t be so concerned about minor details.
Officer: Minor det….Son, you were going 43 miles over the speed limit…
Me: 44 actually….
Officer: YES! EXACTLY. So let’s stop with all the talk about this Tiger Beat band….
Me: Lion Splicer.
Officer: Stop interrupting me!
Me: Sorry, I just think that the bands ability to blend bizarre, dissonant noise with catchy rhythms is unique and borders on sheer brilliance. If that’s a crime, ARREST ME! Put the cuffs on me and take me away!
Officer: Gladly.
The Tyranny of Tradition 
#1 by Universe Number Five on October 4, 2012 - 4:14 PM
Nicely done. On my way up to bail you out as we speak. Hang tight, man.
#2 by Keith Spillett on October 6, 2012 - 11:41 AM
Bring the plastic army men.
#3 by John Erickson on October 5, 2012 - 7:42 PM
Jeez, you give an officer all that crap, and you just get ARRESTED? I simply fumbled my wallet one time, revealing my Illinois Firearms Owner ID card,, and the cop shoved his Beretta so far into my left ear, I could read the serial number from the BACK of my eyeballs! (True story, actually. 😀 )
#4 by Keith Spillett on October 6, 2012 - 11:40 AM
Jesus, ya’ll know how to party up there!
#5 by John Erickson on October 6, 2012 - 9:16 PM
And that wasn’t even the day I spent in the back seat of a squad car, getting driven around to get cash so I could make bail, ’cause the lockup in the police station was being rehabbed and wasn’t usable!