Century Media To Sue Man For Singing Iced Earth Songs In The Shower

In a move designed to discourage the unauthorized distribution of their albums as well as to bleed money from their audience, German based record label Century Media have brought suit against a Little Rock, Arkansas man for illegal singing Iced Earth songs in the shower.  The man, identified as David Chaste, a mechanic and father of four young children, began singing the chorus from the Iced Earth song “Wolf” while taking a shower after work on August 5th, 2012.  Chaste, who did not own the album the song was on, was overheard by his wife and, therefore, was distributing property that did not belong to him.

According to Cy Ganiff, the lawyer for the company, this sort of distribution of stolen property makes Chaste liable for nearly one million dollars in damages against the company.  However, Century Media has offered to make the lawsuit go away if Chaste simply agrees to pay thousands of dollars in legal costs or name his next child Napalm Death.

According to Century Media spokesman James Heister, the record industry loses millions of dollars a year on people using their products without permission.  “Think about how many people sing songs by Century Media bands on a regular basis.  That is revenue the label is entitled to.  After all, it is our property and they haven’t paid to use it,” said Heister, while kicking a puppy and burning a baby with a lit cigarette.

Last month, Century Media brought suit against Myrtle Washington, a 92-year-old woman who was overheard humming “The Star Spangled Banner” on line at a Kroger in New Port Richey, Florida.  “The Star Spangled Banner” was, of course, first used on the Iced Earth album “The Glorious Burden”.  The case was dismissed as by a local magistrate because it was considered frivolous, but that hasn’t stopped the label from looking for other creative new streams of revenue.  Novel new methods of fundraising, like kidnapping and ransoming the children of those involved in illegal file sharing, are being strongly  considered.

In spite of the unpopularity of the suit among many fans, some have rallied in support of the label’s right to use the American legal system as a giant extortion machine.  Ralph Sycophant, a lifelong metalhead, self proclaimed rebel and founder of the internet protest group called Property Over People, believes that Century Media should continue with the lawsuit.  “Companies have the right to do anything they want in order to make a profit.  This is America.  It’s in the Constitution,” said Sycophant.

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  1. #1 by Universe Number Five on September 24, 2012 - 11:27 AM

    John Greely punched me in the face for daring to falsetto his high notes in my rendition of “Travel In Stygian”

    • #2 by danieljames86 on September 25, 2012 - 5:29 AM

      possibly my favourite iced earth song

  2. #3 by Universe Number Five on September 24, 2012 - 11:30 AM

    Also, Francis Scott Key owned more Iced Earth T-shirts than any person in history. Fun fact.

  3. #4 by John Erickson on September 24, 2012 - 1:30 PM

    Well, I’m perfectly safe, unless somebody writes a song titled “What the HELL is that racket?!?” or “Alright, why are you strangling the cats again?!?”.
    Or I get an Auto-Tune shower head….

  4. #5 by victoriagrimalkin on September 24, 2012 - 1:46 PM

    I would go ahead and agree to the naming of his next child and then run out and get a vasectomy. All is fair in pursuit of a good and happy shower. I also suggest he switch allegiance to Hanzel und Gretyl for fukken uber lyrics.

  5. #6 by Forever Pirate on November 29, 2012 - 10:25 AM

    Hmmm…..I sing in the shower all the time all sorts of songs…and I play them on my guitar….guess what Century there is also something called the first ammendement shoot yourself century or I will do it for you, you peices of corporate shit….this is exactly why I only by cd’s direct from artists and pirate everything else you people just don’t know when to quit you fucking retards.

    • #7 by Brian on August 30, 2015 - 8:28 PM

      Do me a favor.
      1. Sit down
      2. With your left hand, slowly bring it from the front of your head, past the back of your head while making airplane noises.
      3. Repeat as needed.

  6. #8 by the guy on August 30, 2015 - 8:16 PM

    Lol you do realize this is a big joke right??? Suing someone for singing a song in the shower? Forever pirate, you should sue your self for being forever fucking retarded! Lmfao! Stop being so gullible! Hahahah….

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