The Blankie Variations

(Night.  Daddy, Moses and Blankie lie on a bed.  All three stare into the darkness.  All is quiet)

Daddy:  Moses, you know that Blankie is actually your brother, right?

Moses:  No.  Blankie’s not my brother.  Blankie is a blanket.

Daddy:  Not yet.  Blankie is only 5.  He doesn’t become a blanket until he’s 18.

Moses:  Daddy, Blankie isn’t 5.

Daddy:  Sure he is.  He’s very advanced for his age.  Did you know that he’s an expert in archery?

Moses:  What’s archery?

Daddy:  Shooting a bow and arrow.

Moses:  Daddy.

Daddy:  Yes.

Moses:  Blankie can’t shoot a bow and arrow.  He doesn’t have arms.

Daddy:  He uses his corners.

Moses:  Oh.

Daddy:  And he speaks three languages…

Moses:  Really?  Are you joking?

Daddy:  No.  He speaks English, Spanish and Cantonese.  He is also semi-fluent in several regional dialects native to Ethiopia.

Moses:  Oh.

Daddy:  He only reads Russian and English though.

Moses:  Oh.

Daddy:  He’s read most of Tolstoy in the original language.

Moses:  What’s Tolstoy?

Daddy:  It’s a kind of medicine.  For people who can’t sleep.

Moses:  Blankie can’t read.

Daddy:  Shhhh.  You’ll hurt his feelings.

Moses:  Daddy.  Blankie can’t read because he doesn’t have eyes.

Daddy:  Good point.

(Silence)

Daddy:  Did Blankie ever tell you he was the starting fullback for Baylor on their 1995 Liberty Bowl winning team?

Moses:  No.

Daddy:  And did Blankie ever tell you he was the Attorney General under Richard Nixon.  And that he quit rather than fire Special Prosecutor Leon Jaworski?

Moses:  No.

Daddy:  And did Blankie ever tell you that he once saved a fishing village in Alaska from a giant squid?

Moses:  No.

Daddy:  And did he tell you that he was the bass player on the first and second Borknagar albums?

Moses:  No.

Daddy:  Oh.

Moses:  Daddy?

Daddy:  Yes.

Moses:  He didn’t tell me because he doesn’t have a mouth.

Daddy:  Oh.  Well.  Yeah.

Moses:  Blankie isn’t real.

Daddy:  You are going to give him a complex.

Moses:  What’s a complex?

Daddy:  A group of buildings.

Moses:  Oh.

Daddy:  It’s time for the two of you to go to sleep.

Moses:  Blankie doesn’t sleep.

Daddy:  Well, he’s going to be tired in the morning.

Moses:  Yeah.

(They stare at the ceiling)

Daddy:  Good night, son.  Good night, Blankie.

Moses:  Good night.

Blankie:  Good night.

(They do not move)

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  1. #1 by Universe Number Five on September 6, 2012 - 7:01 AM

    Whoa!! A Liberty Bowl reference! *Hometown civic pride*

    For a piece of flat cloth, Blankie is quite well-rounded.

    • #2 by Keith Spillett on September 6, 2012 - 7:08 AM

      Blankie is the atom, the atomic, the subatomic and the high colonic.

  2. #3 by Jim Wheeler on September 6, 2012 - 8:53 AM

    Nice, very nice.

    Once upon a time I was putting my three young sons to bed and as usual in those days I was tired and in a hurry. They begged me for a bedtime story however and with a touch of frustration I made up a short absurd story about the “big rock and the little rock”. The twins are 49 now and they still remember it!

    Echoes, reverberations, waves in the fabric of time. Who knew?

  3. #4 by Ian Kinross on September 6, 2012 - 11:52 AM

    You have created a new superhero!
    Ian Kinross

  4. #5 by John Erickson on September 6, 2012 - 11:55 AM

    Dude, you better let Moses know to be a bit more careful, or you’re gonna have HUGE psychiatrist’s bills when Blankie gets older! 😉

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