The Tyranny of Tradition

You can now add restaurateur to the list of the many accomplishments in the career of former White Zombie vocalist and director Rob Zombie.  In 2017, Zombie plans on opening ten heavy metal themed eateries in major markets including New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, and Billings, Montana.

These upscale, casual restaurants will be known as “More Hunan Than Hunan” and offer the best in Chinese cooking.  A similar venture known as “Say You Love Szechuan” opened 10 years ago by Immortal frontman and gluten-free cellphone creator Abbath recently went bankrupt after human skull fragments were found in a plate of moo shoo pork.

The recent trend of heavy metal themed food items and dining establishments have become highly popular over the last few years.  Iron Maiden’s Trooper Beer has generated a major buzz in bars around the world.  Danzig Burger, a new chain in the American Southwest, features several types of burgers all marinated in wolf’s blood.  Even some Wendy’s are getting into the act by test marketing a Lemmy Burger.  The hamburger, which features a liquid grain alcohol center, has gotten rave reviews from critics.

Zombie, known more recently for his reputation for creating violent, gore filled films, is actually an ethical vegetarian and has been since 1982.  Because of this, he plans to offer a strict vegetarian menu using an assortment of creatively hidden mock meats.  However, one out of every thousand customers will be slaughtered by an angry group of redneck clowns in order to amuse the other patrons.