This Never Happened
Tired of being hounded by the press about his interest in the Ohio State head football coaching position, Ohio State coach Urban Meyer today unequivocally denied any interest in taking the Ohio State job. Meyer, who only weeks ago signed a contract to coach at Ohio State, denied that he has had contact with AD Gene Smith or that he was even aware that Ohio State existed. Meyer claims that the recent press conference where he was introduced as the Head Coach was “a complete and total fabrication.”
Earlier today outside of his office in the Ohio State football complex, Meyer decried the media’s rampant speculation about his plans and willingness to report rumors instead of solid facts. “They just take a few pieces of information and run wild with them,” said Meyer decked out in his brand new Ohio State coaching jacket. After a Buckeye Booster Club Luncheon and a long day of preparing for next year’s home opener against Miami of Ohio, Meyer declared that he was looking forward to taking the next year to spend time with his family.
Ohio State University, already reeling from NCAA imposed sanctions for 2012, now faces the unenviable task of hiring a new coach even though they have already hired one who is currently coaching the team. In a press release issued by the University, the Athletics Department stated definitively that they are “Looking forward to celebrating several championships in the Urban Meyer Ohio State era even though it will not be taking place.”
Meyer reacted frostily to the claims of some reporters that he has been wavering in his commitment to Buckeye football. “I have been very clear about my intentions of not not not not not not coaching at Ohio State next season. I’m not sure what else I can say.”
ESPN, which is already inundated with several major stories about pre-season NBA basketball and reports of Tim Tebow drinking a glass of water, led their SportsCenter broadcast with 55 minutes of coverage of Meyer’s denial. In an interview with ESPN’s Shelley Smith, Coach Meyer denied ever issuing a denial. “I am obviously currently the Ohio State Head football coach. I am not,” said Meyer in an attempt to clarify the news reports about his interest in the Ohio State job that he took last month.
The Tyranny of Tradition 
#1 by John Erickson on December 22, 2011 - 1:41 PM
I have SO got to find somebody in Russia with access to an old Soviet-era ICBM. Just a couple little nukes, and the whole WORLD would benefit!
Well, except for Columbus news. Take away OSU, and all they’ve got is 5 minutes of weather and the nightly shooting report. (I kid thee not – for the last month, the Columbus stations’ lead stories have been shootings/murders on all but about 4 nights. What the heck are they trying to be over there in Columbus – DETROIT?!?) 😀
#2 by Keith Spillett on December 22, 2011 - 1:43 PM
Yeah, but at least they have a hockey team (I think). There’s that. Detroit doesn’t have one of them.
#3 by John Erickson on December 22, 2011 - 2:06 PM
Whatever happened to the Red Wings, or the Detroit Social Club as we Blackhawks fans used to call them? 😉
Yeah, I think Columbus’ group is the Bluejackets. They’re one of the few things that make me feel sort-of at home in Ohio – they’re the Cubs of hockey! 😀
#4 by Keith Spillett on December 22, 2011 - 8:46 PM
The Red Wings were chased out of town by the legions of cannibalistic street gangs and flesh-eating zombies that roam the streets of Detroit on a nightly basis.
#5 by Boko999 on December 26, 2011 - 9:57 AM
NIce blog, I find it attitudily sympatico and wotnot.
I dropped by after reading a piece in the WSJ about christmas by C. Hitchens which reminded me of the phrase “tradition is the tyranny of the dead” and the Great Google led me here.
Do you, by any chance, know the provenance of the quoted phrase?
Compliments of the season
Boko999
#6 by Keith Spillett on December 26, 2011 - 11:32 PM
I’m not sure who originally said that. I think it was either David Hume or Buddy Hackett. Both of them had very little use for tradition. And both were better for it. I got my blog title from a rock song (which is probably the most embarrassing thing I could admit…like saying you named your child after a character in a Western…which I also did).
Thanks for checkin’ the thing out. I can’t even believe the great portal in the sky connected WSJ, Hitch and me. I’m going bowling.
Late!
-Keith