Lemmy Has Surgery To Remove Both Livers; Plays Concert That Night
Lemmy On Stage Hours After Liver Removal Surgery
For most people, having one liver removed is a torturous affair that leaves them with months of painful recovery. Yesterday afternoon, Lemmy Kilmister became the first man to ever have both livers removed at the same time. The marathon 6-hour surgery was followed by a half hour of recovery, dinner at a local bar and a 2-hour set of classic Motorhead tunes in at The Rock Center, a metal club in downtown Pocatello, Idaho.
Doctors advised Lemmy to take at least three months off from performing, but his commitment to playing heavy metal was too great to hold him back. “I didn’t want to let the fans in Idaho down. After all, what do they really have to live for beyond the occasional concert? They live in Idaho for god sakes,” said Lemmy this morning during his 3-hour weightlifting session.
Lemmy is no stranger to overcoming medical emergencies and soldiering on. Everyone is, of course, familiar with the time that in 1983 in Antwerp, Belgium he was mauled on stage by 15 pit bulls and continued to play his bass in spite of missing 9 fingers. Who could forget the time the Chinese government accidentally detonated a nuclear bomb at a test facility 1,000 meters away from a Motorhead concert in Shanghai in 1988? Everyone within a radius of 12 miles was killed except Lemmy, who went on to play the entire Orgasmatron album from beginning to end to an arena filled with annihilated corpses. However, because of Lemmy’s advanced age, going on stage after a surgery of this type may be his greatest feat.
Doctors are baffled as to how a man who has done so much damage to his body continues to exist. There were rumors as recently as 2003 that he was killed and replaced by a Lemmy-like robot, but several doctors have done independent tests to prove that he is a human. Their was also rampant speculation that Lemmy has regularly been shooting the DNA of famed Russian monk Rasputin directly into his arm in the hopes of becoming indestructible forever, but this also has not been confirmed. Some researchers have reasoned that it is possible that consuming the amount of Jack Daniels that he has ingested over his lifetime has actually made his body impervious to harm of any kind. Regardless of what his secret is, it is very possible that Lemmy cannot be destroyed by traditional means and will live on well into the next millennium.
26 Responses to “Lemmy Has Surgery To Remove Both Livers; Plays Concert That Night”
Trackbacks / Pingbacks
- - April 8, 2012
- - April 15, 2012
Humanity’s #1 priority should be to breed Lemmy with a cockroach, thus enabling us to conquer space!
I agree!!!!!
i thought the body had 1 liver… 2 kidneys yeh? lolz
Don’t humans have only one liver?
But then again, he’s not missing 9 fingers either. Oh, jokes. Sometimes I get them.
Lemmy is more than a mere human. He has as many livers as he wants to.
He actually started with 19 fingers, so he’s simply average in that department now.
Mainlining some Rasputin… I LOVE it!
He cancelled Motorhead’s Gigantour gig in Austin due to laryngitis! And here I thought Lem was immune to all poxes…
Lemmy puts the “L” in legend!
My mother has a Vena Cava feitlr because of blood clots. Not so sure that is the best answer for everyone, but it was for her. A feitlr is how a pulmonary doctor treats this and blood thinners are how a hematologist treats this. Unfortunately she still had to take comodin for the rest of her life. Hit me up on Email if you want to talk more details on her condition. And watch that Vitamin K!
*feat
I have a feeling that this whole article is just a hoax. But if someone can prove me wrong, does anybody know what venue (and if) Motorhead played in Pocatello, Idaho?
You, sir, are overly intelligent.
Lemmy could beat Chuck Norris with one hand, a whisky in the other and play bass with his feet.
J. Farfort
jfarfort.blogspot.com
leaveadooropen.com
http://jenniferhell.tumblr.com/
Chuck Norris fears Lemmy
Nah, cigarette in another hand. Headbutt would be enough for Lemmy to beat such a lame ass dickweed as Chuck Norris.
good one. Although, “going on stage after a surgery of this type may be his greatest feet.”….it’s feat not feet.
Good catch! Thanks moe!
Good job Keith. This still cracks me up every time.
Thanks!!!!
any decent writer (hell, any half-educated 6th grader)
would know the difference between ‘their’ and ‘there’
It’s really a shame that you exist a j.
You only have one liver….
Most people have two. You are a mutant.