Agnostic Front’s Vinnie Stigma To Publish Children’s Book Called “I Thought You Were My Friend”

Vinnie Stigma has been many things in his long and intriguing life.  The enigmatic guitar player from Agnostic Front has been an actor in the hit film New York Blood, a professional stunt car driver and even the Secretary of Agriculture in the state of Oklahoma for a short time in the 90s.  However, few people expected his recent career change.  Stigma has become a renowned children’s author.

“You know, I was thinkin’ about how stupid kids are today with all of the hugging and sharing nonsense they get in the schools.  I want to rap them upside the head with a newspaper and say ‘What’s a matter with you?’  So, I wrote this book to help them not be so freakin’ dumb.  Teach’em some stuff that could make them so they don’t get their skulls smashed in everyday and whatnot,” said Stigma on the steps of his Brooklyn townhouse.

The book, which is the story of five streetwise but cuddly rabbits from Coney Island, takes place on the seedy streets of New York after dark.  The rabbits are drawn to a convention of animals that takes place in the Bronx where they discuss a truce between all the other animals in the city.  However, after the wise fox named Cyrus who called the meeting is gunned down, the Rabbits are pursued by the other animals who believe they killed him.

Most of the story centers on their journey back to Coney Island and their battles with rival groups of animals for survival.  The climax of the book is an all out fight between the rabbits and the rats out on Coney Island Beach.

Reviewers are already excited about the book, comparing his work to early Dr. Seuss and Shel Silverstein.  “Stigma has written a beautiful parable for the ages,” remarked noted New York Times critic Dwight Garner, “he captures all of the magic and beauty that children experience when hitting another child in the head with a tire iron for the first time.”

James Wood, book reviewer for The New Yorker, was even more effusive in his praise.  “Young people today are just too soft,” wrote Wood, “this book teaches them important life skills like how to hotwire a car and how to make a Molotov cocktail.  Things that our liberalized school systems have omitted from their curriculums in the name of political correctness.”

“I Thought You Were My Friend” is intended for children 3 to 7 and includes pop-up police snakes along with scratch and sniff sewers and subway cars.  However, Stigma believes the book will resonate with everyone, from toddlers to adults.  “Wanting to beat and maim someone because they are in your way is a simple human characteristic,” said Stigma. “If adults don’t read this book, fine.  I’ll go to their house, put my knee into their chest and read it to them.  People need to understand that this book has an important and timeless message and if I have to give a beating to every single American to get the message across, that’s what I’m going to do.”

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About Keith Spillett

I have a lot of strange debris rattling around my mind that I need to work out in a useful way.

45 responses to “Agnostic Front’s Vinnie Stigma To Publish Children’s Book Called “I Thought You Were My Friend””

  1. Universe Number Five says :

    This is the most beautiful freakin’ thing I’ve read all freakin’ day.

  2. yup says :

    sounds great. sounds EXACTLY like the plot to “The Warriors”

    can you dig it?

  3. sonny says :

    How ridiculous I saw this movie back in the 80s called the warriors awesome movie but he is ripping that storyline off

  4. meh says :

    CAN YOU DIG IT?!

  5. dethviolin says :

    Yeah, that warriors movie was sampled in biohazard’s first album. It would have been a sly tip of the hat if you had the article state that Billy Grazidei (spelling?) was writing that book, but this is still pretty freaking awesome regardless.

  6. Mandy says :

    No. I’m sorry, but I don’t think that kids are to “soft”. I believe exactly the opposite. I get the humor that this book may have. I have not read it …yet. But , where I live, kids as yound as 7 are being put in jail for violent crimes. As a single mom of 2 young boys I worry about violence and how they are over exposed to it. I don’t believe that a children’s book should speak positively of guns and retaliaton. Seriously. It’s not funny at all. They are our future and if they are brought up to believe that violence and guns are the answer then we are just repeating a vicious cycle.

  7. affairofthepoisons says :

    Is this a joke? If it’s not, I really want to own this book.

  8. Ainsley says :

    Not to rain on anyone’s parade & I am excited about the book but doesn’t this storyline just The Warriors w/bunny rabbits?
    He couldn’t have not expected anyone to pick up on the reference immediately.

  9. Will says :

    Scratch and sniff sewers! Man.

  10. ash says :

    some stupid-ass fuckers just don’t get the joke….thanks for the laugh, mainly at the idiots who missed it.

  11. sascha says :

    WARRIORS,seriously familiar plotline here,right?

  12. affairofthepoisons says :

    I got the joke–I still want it to not be a joke, because I want this book. It’d be hilarious to put on my bookshelf. :)

  13. Byron says :

    ON AGNOSTIC FRONT’S FACEBOOK IT SAYS THAT THIS IS NOT TRUE. just puttin it out there

  14. Morgs says :

    I have not read these books and I hope they are NEVER read to, nor come in contact with my child!

    • floorpunch says :

      You are an idiot. Vinny Stigma rules. The warriors is a great movie and you need some hardcore lessons

  15. ohai says :

    bwahaha, stigma is hilarious as always

  16. Fek says :

    RIFF…DAMN RIGHT!!

  17. TK says :

    so does anyone realize that this dude just PLAGIARIZED the plot from the movie THE WARRIORS? they were from coney island AND had to fight their way back to thier turf after been accused of killing a top gang leader named CYRUS while at a meeting in the bronx called for the purpose of uniting all the gangs in the city. IT’S EXACTLY THE SAME! WTF!?

  18. Chili says :

    Isn’t this basically the same story as the movie Warriors?

  19. Now I've Heard Everything says :

    Never the book. I’d like to know how he got to be secretary of agriculture in Oklahoma.

  20. YO says :

    This might actually be considered abuse of the child labor laws.
    Considering that Vinnie Stigma is almost as literate as the average 3 year old.

  21. DUH says :

    anyone who doesn’t see the comedy in this article, might be as illiterate and retarded as Vinnie Stigma is!

  22. matt says :

    that’s book sounds alot alike the movie “warriors” good movie from the 70’s

  23. Karin Krachtus says :

    Can anyone say irony? Maybe you should go back to school and re-read Johnathon Swifts a modest proposal.

  24. DAN THOMPSON says :

    So he is telling the story from the warriors movie but with animals

  25. Dick Zerect says :

    No, it isn’t a “strong influence.” He’s ripping it off, plain as day.

  26. stokey punchdrunk says :

    I can’t believe how far over peoples heads/under my butt this joke is.

  27. Sluggo says :

    Can we spend our time pretending this is real and supposing on what woodland creatures the other gangs might be? For instance, can the AC Turnbulls be actual bulls? Someone write this book right now!

  28. tom says :

    oh my god he has tattoos and he is looking very very serious.
    he must be soooo tough !!
    tattoo, serious. omg

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