The Tyranny of Tradition

The Supreme Court today ruled 7 to 2 in a case forcing Morbid Angel to take that terrible Radikult song off of their soon-to-be-released Illud Divinum Insanus album.  The record, whose title translates to ‘This Is Probably Going To Alienate Our Fanbase”, is anticipated to be one of the most significant releases in metal this year.  The song has reportedly caused spontaneous vomiting and bleeding from the eardrums among its first listeners.  In a majority decision, Chief Justice John Roberts wrote, “What the hell were they thinking?  That’s gotta be the worst song I’ve ever heard.  We have reason to fear for the health and sanity of anyone who hears it.  I need to take a damned shower after hearing that thing.”

The case, People With Good Taste in Music Versus Morbid Angel (2011), is the first time the high court has ruled on a song that sucks.  The Court decided to create a precedent in this case because they believed that Radikult was so miserably bad that it was their solemn duty to intercede.  Roberts seemed to be appalled by everything about the song.  “It starts off with the silly 80’s techno sounding drumbeat and you think they are going to break into a cover of Bell Biv Devoe’s ‘Poison’.  Then, David Vincent starts saying ridiculous things that just don’t belong in a metal song or, really, anywhere else.  When Vincent says ‘We’ve been crossing the line since 1989,’ I looked over at Justice Thomas and just started laughing.  We could not believe it!” noted Roberts in the decision.

Several fellow Justices filed strong concurrences in support of the ruling.  Justice Antonin Scalia’s began his with the words, “Free speech be damned! It is the right of listeners to not have to ever hear anything that bad.  The First Amendment was clearly not written to protect people who write horrendous industrial metal or shady looking Floridians. “ Justice Samuel Alito chimed in writing, “Is this the same band that wrote Chapel of Ghouls?  I mean, this is Morbid Angel…MORBID FREAKIN’ ANGEL!  These guys were Gods!!!!!  There is no place for this sort of garbage in a free society.  If I had my way, we’d have banned that horrendous Destructos vs. The Earth song as well.”

In an equally vigorous dissent, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg replied, “I have a good deal of respect for Morbid Angel for trying something new here.  Okay, yes, it is a complete train wreck, but I worry this sort of ruling will have a chilling effect on other bands trying to take a more experimental route with their music.”

The Court has ordered that Morbid Angel take all copies of the album containing the “Radikult” song and dump them in a landfill 12 miles north of Passaic, New Jersey “with all deliberate speed”.   They have also ordered the National Guard to Clearwater, Florida to make sure the band complies with their ruling.

Listen to Radikult here before listening to it becomes a felony…..Living Hardcore Radikult!!!!!!