The Tyranny of Tradition

Game of Thrones writer George R.R. Martin and progressive death metal rock and roll band Necrophagist will be teaming up on what some are calling a “dream collaboration”. An album, featuring Martin’s lyrics and the music of Necrophagist, is in the first stages of being created. This news delighted the many fans of Martin’s books (as well as the hit HBO series based on his work) along with metal fans who have waited for years to a follow-up to 2004’s Epitaph.

The album, which the band plans to name sometime by the year 2074, is expected to be a reflection of the many progressive influences they have picked up in the 70 years between their last album and the naming of the new one. Martin, for his part, is expected to have completed the first verse for the opening track by 2098.

While many fans are excited about the project, concern about the band and writer being able to hold up under the rigorous demands of the aging process have made others leery of ever seeing the project’s completion. After all, both the band and Martin will be over 1000 years old by the time the record comes out.

Luckily, science has again saved the human race from the perils of inconvenience. After years of tests on mice in a secret military lab in the foothills of Montana, a process known as partial nano-cryogination is ready for use on humans. Martin and the members of Necrophagist will be the first test subjects. They will be shrunk to three feet tall and stored in a device that resembles a mini-refrigerator.

Their body temperature will remain stable at around 56 degrees Fahrenheit. They will be brought out of their frozen coma one hour per day to work on the project. While the process will slowdown the bodies aging process to nearly a crawl, it will also limit the speed of motion of the human subjects. This is why the band could not commit to the record label’s demand of a new record by 2700.

Martin has yet to hint at the lyrical content of the album, but many industry insiders believe all the members of the band will be killed off by Martin well before the albums completion.

Still, hopes are riding high that the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren of these two talented artists will live to see this record digitally implanted into the minds of the surviving members of the human community by their robot overlords well before the year 4000.