Free Market Anatomy

The Silent Majority

Right Lung, you work hard everyday to move oxygen into the blood stream.  I often find myself thinking that right lungs are the hardest working organs in the body.  What you do is a thankless job.   You are one of the good, hardworking organs.  Many of the other “piker” organs like the liver, the pancreas and the embarrassingly lazy appendix spend their days lollygagging around and benefiting from all the sweat and toil you put in.  They reap the same benefits as you for one tenth of the work.  Now I ask you, is that fair?

What do you get for all your labor….nothing.  Bossed around all day by the Brain.  Sure, the Brain sits up there enjoying the good life while you pump oxygen 24 hours a day without a break.  Only like 10 percent of the Brain even does anything, Lung.  But it feels entitled to tell you what to do?  Who gives it the right?  The Brain thinks it knows everything, but let it spend ten minutes trying to convert angiotensin I to angiotensin II.  Puh-lease!

The Brain wastes all this time consulting with different useless departments like the cerebellum, the parietal lobe and the frontal lobe all the while using the precious oxygen that you generously provide it with.  Sipping coffee and making policy decisions while you pump away.  Enforcing its sadistic code of anatomical correctness.  They redistribute your oxygen to every organ regardless of how hard they work and you get nothing but the short end of the trachea.  What is your reward for all of your effort?  Nothing but lectures on how you should produce more oxygen just because the body is running or underwater.  You go underappreciated while the other organs bask in the rewards of your effort.

Right Lung, I want you to know that there is another way to live.  I’m not sure if you are aware of this but the body is essentially a communistic system.  All the organs benefit equally, no matter how important their contribution is.  What is your incentive to work harder than say, the Left Lung?

As we all know, human nature clearly shows us that we can only be happy if we are pitted against each other in bloodthirsty competition for control of all of the vital resources of the body.  Cooperation between the organs has left the lazy viscera sitting pretty while the diligent, enterprising ones do all the work. Instead of allowing this madness to continue, I propose we move towards an “every organ for itself” system.

If one lung produces oxygen really well, I say why punish it for being good at its job?  It should be allowed to keep as much of the oxygen as it makes.  This way all of the weaker organs will die off and the strong ones will be left to create a better body, without free-riding, parasitic entrails.  Let’s face it, you will not be free until the body stops coddling the slothful and the shiftless.

A truly free market anatomy promises each organ will be judged on its merit as an individual and not held back from producing and consuming anything it wants.  When the body stops forcing all of the organs to work together in some socialistic form of “harmony” and begins to compensate organs for what they contribute and no more, then, and only then will we be free.

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  1. #1 by Jim Wheeler on December 6, 2011 - 2:43 PM

    Right lung may not know or appreciate it, but brain, and especially brain’s chief of staff, cerebrum, has been shown to work much harder than previously thought, being in the background and coordinating all manner of processes, coordination and housekeeping, not to mention dealing with the subconscious. And with only a modicum of thanks I might add.

    I spoke with cerebrum only last night. Man, you would not believe the crap that goes on during R.E.M. Cerebrum is getting pretty darn tired of its thankless job and said it is beginning to think of getting another job – maybe mayor of Chicago, who knows? “Then all the lazy organs can fend for themselves – they ought to take a bath and get better jobs!” And you know the worst one of all? Skin! That’s right. Skin just lies there, day after day, not really doing much at all. He could be replaced by Saran wrap. Doesn’t even provide vitamin D in the winter time.


    Excellent satire, Keith, and great image. Jonathan Swift might be jealous, but I can’t tell because he is incommunicado on Mars.

    😆 😆 😆

    • #2 by Keith Spillett on December 6, 2011 - 5:20 PM

      “Maybe the mayor of Chicago” That made me spit my soda I laughed so hard! Skin is lazy!!!! I’ve always thought that!

      To be mentioned in the same breath as old Johnny Swift even once is enough to plaster a smile across my face for the next 10 years! Thanks!!!!!

  2. #3 by John Erickson on December 6, 2011 - 5:49 PM

    I hate to tell you this, Keith, but MY pancreas has already gone union on me. It strikes every once in a while, just to prove it can screw my other organs over. It got mad at the brain and nervous system triggering all those headaches to show how important they think they are.
    Any idea where I can hire a new nervous system? I figure if I split up the brain and nerves, they won’t be able to gang up on the other organs. And after all the electricity I’ve unintentionally sucked up, I figure the nerves are probably shot anyway.
    Though I wouldn’t just sing the praises of the right lung. There are a couple guys, a bit farther south, who’ve given me a LOT of fun over the years! 😉

    • #4 by Keith Spillett on December 7, 2011 - 6:46 AM

      Yikes! You sound like you are ready to donate your body to science fiction! Take care of your pancreas! You only get 7.

  3. #5 by Dave on December 6, 2011 - 6:17 PM

    Is the anus an organ? Worst…job…ever.

    (Sorry, I know, potty humor ain’t funny.)

    • #6 by Keith Spillett on December 7, 2011 - 6:47 AM

      Uhmmmmmmmm……….Believe it or not, I was driving yesterday and I hit a proctologist from behind. I rectum! You get it? I’ll be here all week.

  4. #7 by John Nelson on December 9, 2013 - 9:57 AM

    Little does the lung realize the true enemy is the gonads, who rule from below, guiding even the actions of the brain with their underhanded machinations that don’t even benefit the body they are attached to. It’s an interbody exchange conspiracy…

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