Posts Tagged Panterrorism

Panterrorists Announce They Will Be Bombed At Upcoming Show

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After a hoax involving the desecration of Pantera guitarist “Diamond” Darrell Abbott’s grave, angry Pantera fans have coalesced into a loose collective known as Panterrorists. Like most terrorists, they employ scare tactics in the form of threats, such as raping wives and beating people senseless in a bid to sow paranoia and fear against those who dislike Pantera.

The current alarm comes from a recent communication on Facebook, where Panterrorists have vowed to be bombed at an upcoming concert of embattled Pantera detractors, Death Toll.

“These [expletives] have said a lot of [expletive] about brother Dime,” said an unnamed commenter, who never actually met the slain guitarist, “and when you’re messing with Pantera, you’re messing with us! We’re gonna get bombed at the Death Tool show and shows these [expletives] what’s up!”

The message ended with a cryptic comment of, “walk on home, boy”. It is unclear to whom they are referring, though authorities believe the wording implies potential harm to a minor.

This is far from the first public threat issued by Panterrorists, as they have recently stated they will express their outrage at any disrespect towards their favorite band by getting bombed at national landmarks, airports, and on public buses. Additional alarm was raised when certain known conspirators also made references to unknown parties being stoned, as stoning is a popular method of jihadists around the world.

“Dime is a guitar god, I tell you what,” read a comment on a Pantera forum, posted by user FKNHOSTILE420, “and we’ll continue getting bombed until everyone knows it! Nobody is safe from us. We are stronger than all!”

The Department of Homeland Security is currently establishing a task force to prevent further bombing actions. “We will not allow these actions to continue, said Special Agent Frank Gosdzik at a press conference this morning, “nor will we bend to the will of Pantifa, the Pantaliban, or Panterrorists of any kind. Cowboys from Hell was total garbage, by the way.”

The Department is also offering a reward to anyone with information regarding the meaning of “getcha’ pull”.

 

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