The Tyranny of Tradition
Archive for May, 2016
Sigh to Remake “Scenes from Hell” in White Metal Style
Posted by Happy Metal Guy in General Weirdness on May 25, 2016

Cover Art For “Scenes From Hell” Remake
Sigh will remake their classic album “Scenes from Hell”, Hollywood Records announced today. The remake will feature re-recordings of every track in the white metal style, and will be mixed and mastered by a white producer with a degree in white noise engineering from White University.
Fans will be able to buy the album in five formats — white MP3, white CD, white vinyl, white cassette, and white collector’s edition box set. The white collector’s edition box set will include a white Sigh patch, a white notebook containing drafts of lyrics from the original recording process written in white ink, and rare photos of the Japanese band’s “Scenes from Hell” line-up at their palest.
Five white, still-unnamed white metal musicians have signed on to play the roles of Mirai Kawashima, Dr. Mikannibal, Shinichi Ishikawa, Satoshi Fujinami, and Junichi Harashima. Stryper’s Michael Sweet is rumoured to play Kawashima, the enigmatic and charismatic harsh vocalist and multi-instrumentalist of Sigh.
Originally released on January 19, 2010 through white label The End Records, “Scenes from Hell” is Sigh’s eighth full-length studio album. Its instrumental line-up includes a real string quartet, and real orchestral instruments, such as the flute, the clarinet, the French horn, the trumpet, the trombone, the tuba, etc. White string quartet Eklipse, and white orchestra New York Philharmonic will fill those white instrumental roles in the remake.
Anticipating that fans might find the contrast between the remake’s white personnel and the mandatory black background in upcoming press photos to be too glaring, Kawashima said: “Don’t worry about squinting at the photos. Hollywood Records has shelled out big bucks for visual effects tests that will ‘yellowify’ the five remake musicians to make them easier on the eyes.”
“This will be done without making them look like ghosts or shells of their former selves,” he added.
A white metal journalist has also been reportedly hired to pen new liner notes for the remake.
Black metal, Ghost in the Shell, Hollywood, Michael Sweet, Mirai Kawashima, Scenes from Hell, Sigh, Stryper, white metal, white people
Putin to Obama – ‘Swedish Metal Is Superior’
Posted by birthad1 in General Weirdness, Uncategorized on May 17, 2016
Russian President Vladimir Putin responded to Barack Obama’s public comments about Finnish Metal bands last Friday, calling the outgoing President “a wimp” and “a poser”.
“Please don’t misunderstand me,” said Putin at the end of last week’s EU Summit, “Finnish metal is truly great, particularly its amazing death metal scene, but for Obama to bring it up like that in front of the President of Finland is so lame. He knows, dude! He’s from there!”
When asked to clarify his remarks, the President snorted and said, “Like he’s ever heard Privilege of Evil. And it’s so clear he was just trying to look cool because he didn’t say anything about Swedish Metal when he was addressing [Swedish Prime Minister] Stefan Lofven! How could he not bring that up?”
Putin went on to characterize Obama as “a tryhard, one who would get a denim vest and then buy all the patches for it at the same time on eBay”.
The Russian head of state also continued to blast Obama’s ignorance to the importance of Swedish Metal. “Left Hand Path – Scandinavia might not even have a underground scene without that album. It’s so crucial, and that little wannabe blew his chance to tell the world about it! He doesn’t know. He wasn’t there. What, did he hear one of his kids play a Finntroll album and decided he knew something?”
After an additional ten minutes of listing Swedish Metal gems that “America’s Poser President” has certainly never heard of, including Dark Recollections and Under the Sign of the Black Mark, Putin paused and added, “But you know what? It’s better that he doesn’t know. I’d hate for him to find his way to the good stuff and then act like he invented it or something. Oh God, can you imagine if he started turning out to all the shows? That would drive me nuts.”
At this point Putin excused himself, inserting a cassette labeled “TREBLINKA” into his Sony Walkman as he headed towards the reception hall.
-
You are currently browsing the archives for May, 2016
Fellow Deranged Wanderers
- 5,482,921 lives ruined
Recent Posts
- Ozzy Checks Into Rehabilitation Center For Addiction To Marzipan
- Wormrot Still “Worst Funeral Drone Doom Band”
- How Jaded Reviewers See Metal Reviews
- Rihanna Signs with Unique Leader Records
- Donald Trump Revealed To Be First Cro-Mags Singer
- Fleshgod Apocalypse Drummer Passes Turing Test
- Abbath Comes Out
- Pokémon GO: Jamey Jasta Caught in Florida for Trespassing
Categories
- Articles I Probably Shouldn't Have Bothered Writing
- Basketball Coaching Nonsense
- BlaK Dan's Theatre of Cruelty
- Blithering Sports Fan Prattle
- Excessive Cruelty Towards Strangers
- Existential Rambings
- General Weirdness
- Health Tips for An Early Death
- HEAVY METAL MUST BE DESTROYED
- Here's Why I Dislike You So Much
- King Diamond For President in 2012
- Mr. Spillett's Academy Of Film Study For The Mentally Tormented
- Notes on Carcass Heartwork
- Parenting Tips For Those With Children
- People Who Were Willing To Speak To Me
- Pointless Music Reviews
- Pointyheaded Highbrow Stuff
- Really Brilliant Things You Should Read But Probably Won't Because You Are A Pantera Fan
- Sunday Funnies
- The Exorcism of Glen Benton
- The One Time I Left The House
- The Poetry of Death
- The Politics Of Catastrophe
- The Resurrection of Michael Jackson
- The Sarah Palin Fiasco
- Totally Useless Information
- Uncategorized
- UnMusic
Archives
- November 2017
- October 2016
- September 2016
- August 2016
- July 2016
- June 2016
- May 2016
- January 2016
- December 2015
- October 2015
- September 2015
- August 2015
- July 2015
- June 2015
- May 2015
- April 2015
- March 2015
- February 2015
- January 2015
- December 2014
- November 2014
- October 2014
- September 2014
- August 2014
- July 2014
- June 2014
- May 2014
- April 2014
- March 2014
- February 2014
- January 2014
- December 2013
- November 2013
- October 2013
- September 2013
- August 2013
- July 2013
- June 2013
- May 2013
- April 2013
- March 2013
- February 2013
- October 2012
- September 2012
- July 2012
- June 2012
- May 2012
- April 2012
- March 2012
- February 2012
- January 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- October 2011
- September 2011
- August 2011
- July 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- April 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
Top Posts & Pages
- Mott The Hoople Inducted Into Rock And Roll Hall of Fame For Seventh Time
- Former Night Court Star Richard Moll Introduced As New Vocalist For Napalm Death
- Islamic Terrorist Group Sodom Banned From Traveling To U.S. For Maryland Deathfest
- Vocalist of The Devil Wears Prada Has Surgery to Become Tibetan; Gets Nose Implanted on Forehead
- Danzig To Sue Everyone On Earth
- Morgan Freeman Slated To Play King Diamond In New Film
- Varg Vikernes Creates Secret Weather Control Device; Threatens to Destroy World
- Pope Francis Introduced As New Singer Of Metal Band Ghost B.C.
- About The Tyranny of Tradition
- New Iron Maiden Album Cover Pays Tribute To James Franco In “Spring Breakers”
Words
Abbath art Atlanta barack obama Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories baseball basketball Black metal Black Sabbath Burzum Carcass Cronos Danzig dave mustaine death Deicide existential dread existentialism fear freedom Glenn Danzig God Health Heartwork heavy metal heavy metal music Hipsters Human Humor Iron Maiden James Hetfield Jeffrey Walker Jeff Walker Judas Priest Kerry King King Diamond King Diamond For President in 2012 Lars Ulrich Lemmy liberty Manowar Marshall McLuhan megadeth Mercyful Fate Metal Metallica Mitt Romney Morbid Angel Music NBA Ozzy Ozzy Osbourne Pantera Phil Anselmo philosophy politics President Religion and Spirituality Republican Richard Nixon Rick Santorum Ronald Reagan Satan Shopping silkk the shocker Slayer suffering Sweden terrorism Testament Tony Iommi United States Varg Vikernes Venom weird