We haven’t seen kids this scared of #2 pencils since the SAT’s
We here at the Tyranny of Tradition have received an avalanche of phone calls and carrier pigeon messages from parents who are beside themselves with terror at what is being called the biggest revival of the occult since the release of the movie Leprechaun 9.
Kids all across this nation are putting themselves at possible risk of demonic possession by taking the so called Charlie Charlie Challenge and we feel it necessary to use our influence to drown out the voices of the perpetual killjoys who are calling it a hoax. We know hoaxes when we see them, and this is certainly not a hoax.
Charlie Benante Flashes The Charlie Charlie Gang Sign
So, what exactly is the Charlie Charlie Challenge and how does it work? Think of it as a poor man’s version of the Ouija board, but with access to spirits that appear to be in this country illegally.
Occult expert, Glenda Benton inform us that,
“By using a piece of paper and two pencils, unsuspecting children can fashion a gateway to gain access to the collective power of a legion of Mexican demons that have taken the jobs which American demons refuse to fill. Through the careful balancing of one pencil atop another on a paper divided into quadrants that are marked “Yes” and “No” respectively, the participant calls out, “Charlie Charlie, are you here?”, and this powerful incantation rips the fabric of space and time and exposes your vulnerable child to malevolent, Latino spirits. Occultists across the globe are still sifting through ancient texts to find the connection between the name Charlie and the South American forces of evil, but we have come up empty handed thus far.”
I’m Charlie Charlie Diablo, Ask me anything!
As news reports have poured in about kids as young as 6 risking their eternal souls by summoning these demons, there has been vigorous debate in Congress on how to stem the tide of wickedness pouring across our spiritual borders. Semi-reliable sources tell us that leading the charge is Gordon Klingenschmitt, a moderate Republican from Colorado who is known for his sensible approach to the issues facing this county.
Congressman Klingenschmitt is co-sponsoring a bill with The Archangel Michael (R) aptly named The Gordon Klingenschmitt And Michael The Archangel Bill To Protect The Country Of Jesus From The Charlie Charlie And Cinnamon Challenges.
Gordon Raising The Roof Against All Enemies Foreign And Imaginary
A leaked copy of the Bill contains several measures which would be implemented to keep America safe, which include
- Tax cuts for the top 1% and the total deregulation of all corporations. Taxes and regulations are forbidden in the Bible and their existence emboldens demons and devils.
- Banning all abortions with no exceptions for incest, rape, or facehugger impregnation. No one should get a free pass to enter Heaven under no circumstances.
- Mandatory gun ownership by every citizen. Demons only target children because they can’t legally posses firearms.
- Dismantle the Food Stamp and School Lunch programs. Demons are averse to possessing hungry kids.
- Prohibit the possession of #2 pencils.