Genredome! Two Men Enter, One Band Leaves

I have also seen children successfully surmounting the effects of an evil inheritance. That is due to purity being an inherent attribute of the soul.
Mahatma Gandhi

The Internet has become a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, a person can find a recipe for cheesy brined turkey giblets in a matter of milliseconds, on the other hand, a 4 month argument can be sustained concerning whether or not an 18 string bass is a superior weapon to a djent stick during a zombie stage diving outbreak.

Things that used to be able to be settled with a kidney punch on the playground are now sadly left in perpetual limbo in the halls of infinite Facebook wranglings and perpetual comment section meme wars. Even great tools from former civilized giants, such as the caps lock from the Greeks, and Egyptian emojis, have proven useless to resolve the age old questions that surface online. Nowhere has this been more aptly illustrated than among the ranks of self proclaimed “metal heads”. Invoke the name of a band, and inevitably, some anonymous keyboard clacker will appear and unilaterally declare, “That band isn’t even metal!!!!”

What can be done? How can balance be restored in a virtual world where brute strength takes the back seat to nimble, Gummy Bear stained digits? Enter, Genredome! In the tradition of third rate, apocalyptic movies, Genredome is a beacon of Darwinian hope in a world gone soft. The premise is simple, two contenders enter the steel, jungle gym structure and put their genre money where their mouth is. No more hiding behind pseudonyms like Moremetal1JohnBrutalCore and wearing your opponent down with blocks of unpunctuated text and all caps taunts. If you doubt the metal cred of a band, get in the dome and man up.

Genredome is still in it’s development stage and isn’t without it’s flaws. While many great battles have solved the categorical genotyping of bands such as Limp Bizkit (not metal) and Venom (definitely metal), there are times when results are skewed by unexpected variables, such as when a gym-bro shows up in a Nickleback tee and fights a lanky tanglehead in corpsepaint and spiked ankle wraps. Even in light of such a travesty, doesn’t even nature itself have its anomalies that thrive in spite of their apparent lack of tooth and claw? Consider the Alpaca, with its buck teeth and penchant for spitting on bystanders. How does such a useless creature survive in a world of seething violence and carnage? Even nature has its own Nicklebacks I’m afraid.

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  1. #1 by Heavy Metal OG on March 24, 2015 - 2:24 PM

    I would SO pay to watch this. I wanna invest right here on the ground floor. I think you’ve got the next WWE on your hands here! I had a similar idea for a reality show called Don’t Feed The Trolls.” The idea is simple: lock a bunch of these keyboard commandos in a room together with no food and let them argue to the death. The “winner” gets to eat the rest and reign as the king of the trolls. What do you think?

  2. #2 by bringonthewhimsy on March 24, 2015 - 8:49 PM

    “Even nature has its own Nickelbacks.” That made my night. I will consider the alpaca.

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