Pope To Make Deceased GWAR Singer Oderus Urungus A Saint

Saint Oderus?

Saint Oderus?

Pope Francis raised many eyebrows last week when he announced that he wouldn’t have any qualms with baptizing a Xenomorph or Body Snatcher if they sincerely accepted Jesus into their heart and promised to only kill for food, not fun, but this week, the Pontiff is upping the Catholic ante even more. His Holiness has determined that Oderus Urungus will be sainted.

Anticipating the imminent arrival of intergalactic extraterrestrial visitors who feel an urgent need to turn from their evil lust for riches and pleasures of the flesh, the Pope has deemed it necessary for the church to provide a patron saint to whom these E.T.’s can relate to. Without a saint to whom they can pray, the Pope fears that a lot of aliens will lose heart in their search for the meaning of life beyond the meaning it currently possesses.

Pople Francis presented his case before the Council of Saint Making and asked, “Who else but Oderus Urungus could fill this void? The Predator? That spider face with dreadlocks and a skull fetish? Nay my friends! E.T.? That little scrotal looking guy with the glowing finger and a Reese’s Pieces addiction? Absolutely not! Only Urungus can bring the joy of stigmata to our interplanetary seekers.”

gwar-oderus-urungus

Eyewitnesses outside the Vatican gasped in surprise when putrid green smoke billowed from the chimney of the Sistine Chapel, confirming that the canonization of Oderus Urungus had been finalized. Some Catholics are less than enthusiastic about the choice of Urungus, feeling that the Popes stint as a roadie during the ’92 America Must Be Destroyed tour played heavily into the decision.

Sister Mary Margaret Macmillan, one of the most outspoken opponents of the canonization of Urungus, released a statement to the press, “The Holy See has apparently lost his mind, only John Carpenter’s Thing has the versatility to get into the hearts and minds of those whom would become living sacrifices for the one, true Space Lord. I hope the first death pod hits the Vatican and immolates the Pope!”

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  1. #1 by Betsy Goodrich on May 29, 2014 - 3:56 PM

    I remember him. I rescued him and GWAR from a very cruel promoter.
    I was not told that he died, but somehow, I started to remember him from DragonCon.
    DANGER WOMAN

  2. #2 by Dave on May 29, 2014 - 4:59 PM

    But seriously, why do so many metal guys die in their 40s and 50s? There must be a correlation. Someone should do an investigative report. Lifestyle? Drugs? With the exception of the occasional spider bite, there must be a reason.

    • #3 by Jonathon Bost on May 30, 2014 - 2:43 AM

      It’s because living the life of an artist takes it’s toll on your body. Brockie didn’t do anything other than drink and smoke weed. Try traveling not only the US but the entire world, playing a show every night on little sleep and little food, doing it all for no money.

      Not sure what you think of musicians, but GWAR ain’t Van Halen.

      • #4 by charlie on June 4, 2014 - 9:22 AM

        Yeah…he died of a heroin overdose bub

      • #5 by bryan on November 21, 2014 - 6:08 PM

        Umm truckers travel more than any musician in their lifetime. Work more hours with little sleep and very unhealthy eating habits and still live till their sixties and seventies. Ur argument is invalid

    • #6 by nlm3 on May 31, 2014 - 1:32 AM

      Hey now, Alain lived and he actually got clean (supposedly).

      But you are right. And I think it’s easy to tell. Too Much Too Soon. Johnny Thunders died young albeit under suspicions circumstances (ram-shacked hotel room, stolen goods, methadone stash stolen, etc.) right around 40, but he was a joke in the sense that ads even said “come see him while he’s still alive!”…..it woulda happened even if he was murdered by chance, but if not, he gave out– he didn’t have enough of anything in his system to truly kill him and this is a guy who had done so much more and at once before that he wouldn’t have even been phased by what was in his system. Like said, he was ticking and on his way regardless and that was also due to a disease he hid from almost everyone– a phrase “only Johnny truly knew how sick he was” rang true, and he may have passed without the drugs.
      Bob Stinson from the Replacements died in 95 of natural causes- just gave out…..Peter Laughner, who was a brilliant mix between Reed and Dylan and never quite found his own self despite some amazing originals, and also probably the biggest definition of the CLE folk scene, died at just 24. Speculation of suicide is BS- he was sick and died in his sleep. Sad, but people in the music business pass faster because it’s simply a very fast lifestyle. I think some people really don’t know anything else and turn to it knowing that as well…. I dunno- I don’t think the music makes the man the junkie, or vice versa- it just can happen and some rockstars have the whole too much, too soon thing and their bodies give be it from eating a ton, dope, up and down and on and off the dope, etc. etc…. and the fact most of us live unhealthy and don’t get the sleep we need in normal settings, it’s easy to see a rock star barely even getting 8hrs a night. It’s sad, but not many make it thru the jungle beyond age 50 to tell about it. I am amazed Richard Hell (last I heard of him) was giving fucking speeches at a juco like Harper in IL based on a book he wrote….. of all people, jeez.

      it’s sad but happens. even to young musicians who do not commit suicide, but just ware themselves out and atrophy takes its toll in a vicious way on the body, and mind.

    • #7 by Kelly on November 23, 2014 - 12:11 PM

      There IS a correlation. It’s called heroin

  3. #8 by Rafael on May 29, 2014 - 7:13 PM

    If that’s the case, make our other heroes saints! Chuck Schuldiner, Dimebag Darrell, Randy Rhoads, Etc…

  4. #9 by Jess on May 30, 2014 - 1:33 PM

    I’ve read that the lifespan of the average rocker is 40-50 years due to their lifestyle. So you hit the nail right on the head

  5. #10 by revdenn on May 30, 2014 - 7:06 PM

    Reblogged this on Rev Denn.

    • #11 by Nate Kangas on November 20, 2014 - 8:24 PM

      But then there is always OZZY 🙂 I think he will be around for a long time to come. Just not sure how. Oh and we cannot forget the Tolling Stones, I swear they are living fossils, just look at them 🙂
      Maybe it is those individuals that are raising the average and we are just seeing a continuation of the 27 Club.

      • #12 by Nate Kangas on November 20, 2014 - 8:25 PM

        Rolling Stones ..err typo ^^^

  6. #13 by Francis Sharretto on November 21, 2014 - 6:22 PM

    Oderus is the true saint of e.t.’s because he was not from this planet.

  7. #14 by Stephen Gardiner Greenwood on November 22, 2014 - 1:01 AM

    dave will always be a hero to all the dead end kids of the world!!! don’t say it , do it!!!

  8. #15 by Kerry Bell on December 4, 2014 - 11:50 AM

    I don’t understand i mean aren’t saints supposed not sin that much? Why make him a saint? Im confused….

  9. #16 by Vallidus on February 13, 2015 - 4:11 AM

    Wow…some of you think this is serious?

    Plz dont have kids….

    pretty sure if green smoke was seen coming out of the sistine chapel it would be on maybe more then one website

    idiots

  1. NO CLEAN SINGING » A YEAR-END LIST FROM GRONK! (A BAND OF ORCS)

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