In a highly awaited auction, film star George Clooney outbid several other interested collectors for the rights to purchase the bones of former Bathory frontman Quorthon at Southeby’s in London on Friday. Clooney paid a record 1.6 million dollars for the skeleton, the most ever paid for the remains of a metal artist. Clooney, a lifelong Bathory fan, felt this was the best way to pay his respects to the band that got him into metal. “I’ll never forget the day I bought Under The Sign of the Black Mark,” said Clooney with a nostalgic, distant look in his eye, “it was the first time I ever fell in love.”
The purchase of the organs and bones of dead metal artists has become a hobby among Hollywood celebrities of late. Julia Roberts started the trend last year when she purchased the spinal column and jawbone of Ronnie James Dio for five hundred thousand dollars. Roberts has already offered two million for the corpse of former Iron Maiden singer Paul D’Anno, who has not yet died. Roberts plans to consume the corpse in a stew with several other diehard Maiden fans while listening to the album Killers at her palatial home in Malibu, California. The bidding war over the corpse of Mayhem and Burzum’s Varg Vikernes reportedly may run over 10 million dollars. The country of Albania has already expressed interest in buying his lungs and placing them in the town square in the city of Tirana as a potential way to ward off the evil spirits that have plagued that European nation for the past century.
The recent surge of interest in the band Bathory contributed to the high cost of Quorthon’s bones, which six months ago could have been purchased on Ebay for only four thousand dollars. However, since last month’s release of the Bathory celebrity tribute album, It’s Never a Fine Day to Die, the band has become a household name. The first single of off the album, a duet version of Necromansy performed by Elton John and Ke$ha, climbed to number 7 on the Billboard chart this week. Other major Bathory tributes are popping up all across the United States. Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour proposed a bill to recognize February 17th as Quorthon day in the state “for his contributions to the black metal movement” and Dairy Queen has offered to give anyone free French fries if they bring a copy of “Blood Fire Death” into any of their nearly nine thousand nationwide stores for the next month.
Quorthon’s estate upped the bidding by promising to give a full ten percent of the purchase price to The Salvation Army. Clooney was thrilled not only to be able to finally caress the femur bone of his favorite vocalist; he was also happy to be able to help out a good cause in the process. Salvation Army spokesman Marshall Whitcomb praised the donation and remarked “I haven’t heard much of this Bathory, but my daughter assures me they are great. We look forward to building churches and community centers around America in Quorthon’s name.”
July 11th, 2011 at 3:35 PM
his bones should go to a real fan, not some wannabe poser superstar from hollywood
July 11th, 2011 at 5:05 PM
Sure just fork up the 1.6 million dollars genius. Money talks, you all need some serious help wanting to buy bones of the deceased. Let the man rest in peace, just curious too what his family has to say about this. Try donating it too a charity if 1.6 million dollars is burning a hole in your pocket that bad. Is there not laws such as mistreating a corpse illegal in the United States.
July 12th, 2011 at 11:02 AM
It should be illegal, but things have gotten weird over here in the past few years. Children are fed thyroid glands in order to make them taller. The human form no longer commands the respect it once did. It’s the end of days here in the old U S of A.
July 11th, 2011 at 6:30 PM
I’ve heard of having music in your bones, but never vice versa. Perhaps this is, in reality, a secret organisation attempting to use the various musicians’ DNA in order to clone the ultimate metal band, thus driving all others out of the market? Mayhap this is THE ultimate left-wing retort to Rupert Murdoch, producing an ultimate rocker to conquer the music media for the left in the same way as Murdoch is attempting to conquer the news media for the right! My God, man, you may have stumbled upon the ……
Wait – what’s that noise? Black helicopters? Black Suburbans?!?
KEITH!!! GET THE HECK OUTTA…………………..
July 12th, 2011 at 11:00 AM
The people in the black helicopters always have a difficult time tracking me down when I’m wearing my tin foil hat. It helps scramble their signals. I’m not worried.
July 11th, 2011 at 7:45 PM
white people are crazy
July 11th, 2011 at 9:58 PM
Wow Julia is soooo metal, like omg, fists in the air, I want some stew! Ps Clooney is a left wing idiot who should be impaled on impalers metal bones, and forced to listen to FinnTroll until his eyes bleed.
July 12th, 2011 at 3:23 AM
This is the best thing i’ve read in a loong time hahahaha
July 12th, 2011 at 10:59 AM
Thanks!
July 12th, 2011 at 5:28 PM
Bwahahahaha…holy sh@t.
July 13th, 2011 at 11:48 AM
I heard Clooney tried to get Manowar to play in Oceans 11, but my source was some 15 year old kid who was wearing a Manowar shirt at a Carcass show.
July 12th, 2011 at 6:57 PM
I like how people believe this
July 13th, 2011 at 11:43 AM
People believe a lot of interesting things. In the world we live in nearly everything weird and inhuman is possible.
July 13th, 2011 at 12:15 PM
Many would say that the most weird and inhuman things possible all carry the same address. Washington, DC.
July 12th, 2011 at 9:54 PM
Only blog I read
July 13th, 2011 at 11:44 AM
I am honored, sir!
July 12th, 2011 at 11:58 PM
wtf I hope this is a joke..
buying Quorthon’s bones???
what a lack of respect
July 13th, 2011 at 11:44 AM
I said the same thing to someone and they came back with “1.6 million dollars is a heck of a lot of respect.” That changed my mind pretty quickly.
July 13th, 2011 at 12:02 AM
he’s the father of black metal
I mean c’mon!
July 13th, 2011 at 11:45 AM
It is a fallen world.
July 13th, 2011 at 12:08 PM
yes , it is..
July 14th, 2011 at 12:08 AM
I hope that is a joke! but a very bad joke….
July 21st, 2011 at 10:34 AM
[...] Read more… [...]
July 22nd, 2011 at 1:16 PM
oh god this is true?? I mean come on George clooney a metalhead, this world is crazy and insane but where’s the official page where was published this new???
July 22nd, 2011 at 3:03 PM
Completely 110 percent true. Nothing I make up is fake.
July 26th, 2011 at 4:01 AM
In further developments, Russian president, Vladimir Putin has taken ownership of the mummified corpse of Mayhem’s Euronymous and has had it removed to Haiti where a team of witchdoctors have been working around the clock to riddle the body with demons in preparation for a pitched battle between evil & evil to take place over the Bering Sea upon the correctly corrupted bones of Varg Vikernes. It’s sure to be one for the ages kids and I’m backing Aarseth to easily beat the spread in this return from the dead rematch. the only thing working against the Putin/Euronymous combo is the alleged involvement of John Malkovich and his interest in taking over the coaching of the Varg corpse. We all know he stops at nothing folks and sources say he may actually speed the course of this confrontation by shooting Vikernes on sight. Can’t wait for this one kids!
July 26th, 2011 at 5:02 AM
HA! You’re hired!
July 27th, 2011 at 4:47 PM
Somebody’s been watching marathons of MTV’s “Celebrity Deathmatch”, methinks.
August 22nd, 2011 at 4:33 PM
is there any video to make that notice more real..¡
August 22nd, 2011 at 4:36 PM
I had some videos of it up and Clooney’s people made me take it down. They’ve been taking a lot of bad press for this and they wanted to keep the thing off of Entertainment Tonight. Very shady if you ask me.
September 16th, 2011 at 11:56 PM
“I haven’t heard much of this Bathory, but my daughter assures me they are great. We look forward to building churches and community centers around America in Quorthon’s name.”
Am I the only one who has a problem with that?
September 17th, 2011 at 7:25 AM
I’ll admit, it disturbed me as well!
March 30th, 2012 at 8:53 PM
brb, throwing myself at a vehicle because you people think this is real
March 31st, 2012 at 7:09 AM
HA!